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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Need Advice! Anyone know how to handle in-laws?

Posted by on May. 19, 2012 at 1:37 PM
  • 12 Replies

Hi ladies! I need some advice. My hubby's family is really big. His parents got divorced and then both remarried so I have two sets of in-laws.

Well with my hubby's Dad and Stepmom things are bad. I wouldnt let them keep my daughter overnight when they had my sister in laws four other kids over. I just think that five small children is alot to handle. So instead of respecting how I feel they got furious with me and my husband and started this petty feud. They tell the other half of the family I am ruining my daughter because I wont put her in daycare. Also they say I am with her too much. I just drives me crazy. I am trying to keep my cool out of respect for my husband... But its getting to be really hard.  

I need advice on how to get them to respect my wishes and how to get them to learn that they arent the parents of my daughter and they have no say in how she is raised. 


Please help ladies!!!


Dani

by on May. 19, 2012 at 1:37 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mrswolfs
by on May. 19, 2012 at 1:48 PM

Limit contact and Ignore them. While you may not be able to limit your husbands contact you can definately limit yours. If it's a family gathering that you can't avoid then just limit your immediate contact with them. I have to do this with my own sister so I do understand. You may never get them to respect your parenting choices but you can limit your frustration by just ignoring them.

CrazyLife1996
by on May. 19, 2012 at 1:55 PM
I agree with this if I still dealt with my inlaws.


Quoting mrswolfs:

Limit contact and Ignore them. While you may not be able to limit your husbands contact you can definately limit yours. If it's a family gathering that you can't avoid then just limit your immediate contact with them. I have to do this with my own sister so I do understand. You may never get them to respect your parenting choices but you can limit your frustration by just ignoring them.


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lookFwD
by on May. 19, 2012 at 1:56 PM
Use your DH in this. Get everybody together and speak like adults. You'll be surprised how many might just understand where Ur coming from, instead of them hearing stuff from immature adults. Let them know its your child and why you don't believe they have a say so in what they do with their kids, so they should respect what you do with yours. It's Ur husbands family. Have him support you and that'll be even more power on your side.

Don't ignore the issue, it'll just make it worse and there will always be issues with his family as long as u let them keep talking. In the end let them know u still respec them but you would like to clear the air and your husband should ask that they respect you the same.

Good luck
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lookFwD
by on May. 19, 2012 at 1:58 PM
If that doesn't work then what the other ladies said, ignore them and tell'm to fck off lol
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Caitlin10081989
by Member on May. 19, 2012 at 2:22 PM

Do not let them not respect your wishes. If they want to be mad at you let them be mad. They're not the parents and they need to understand that. You and your SO are the parents and you both have the say in how your child is raised. 

AddiBellesMom
by on May. 19, 2012 at 5:19 PM

Thank you so much for the advice ladies!!! :)

nicole2884
by on May. 19, 2012 at 5:40 PM

is your dh on the same page as you? if so i say your ok in the sense that its not gonna kill your marriage. kwim

but as far as dealing with them , sounds like you need to sit down an just cut the bull an tell them how you feel

maybe if you explain why you didnt leave her the first time they may understand

its very hard to resolve different parenting styles because your never gonna change their views

it sucks i know 

we dont get along with his mom an step-dad like we did before getting married

we just agreed to disagree when it comes to her , an know that we are on the same page, an we tolerate her but dont let her get to us anymore

AddiBellesMom
by on May. 19, 2012 at 8:46 PM

My Hubby is on the same page with me.  We have tried to explain to them that we thought five small kids was alot to handle. Also my daughter is at the age where she gets into everything and can sneak off if your not constantly watching her. Trying to keep up with her alone is a challenge. I couldnt imagine adding 4 more small children also. I tried to explain this and they just told me I didnt trust them and we hurt them badly. Its then they started being petty with the gossip and causing trouble within the family. Im trying not to explode at them out of respect for my husband but its getting harder everyday. It bothers them that they have absolutely no control over the situation. They are control freaks. Somedays I wish we could just move far far away! 

WDWEditor
by on May. 19, 2012 at 9:09 PM
1 mom liked this

These are your kids, their safety is up to you. While you don't want to start a feud, it is obvious that they are not  respecting your wishes either. What does your husband say? Frankly I'd stop worrying about what she says or he says about me, obviously they are not too...uh...tightly wrapped if they're going to get on your case like this and not respect your wishes. Of course I have a MIL who told her neighbors I was dying...I think it was wishful thinking! Imagine their surprise when they offered my husband their condolences...and then I got out of the car. Of course this is the woman who tried to drive her car thru the gate on the draw bridge and blamed it on the bridge! I'd limit your personal contact w/them as well as that of your children, sometimes people just have respect each other's differences.

lucky2Beeme
by Silver Member on May. 20, 2012 at 10:50 AM
1 mom liked this

I would ask them to meet  with you and DH. Then have a real heart to heart about WHO are the parents and WHO ate the grandparents. ASK them if they both let their parents decide how they raised their children. Tell them you want to have a great relationship with them. Tell them you are OK with them not agreeing with how you raise your child but to please refrain from making a big deal about it. That it is upseting you and you dont weant it to interfer with your relationship with them. Keep emotions out and do  not raise your voice.

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