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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

my husband was to separate after 16 yrs

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my husband told me he hasn't been happy for a log time. we have 6 beautiful kids together and i don't want them to see us go thru this .he left fri after noon and has not come back he wanted to take some time a part for a week i told him lets do it for the weekend . i am so scared right know. i am bipolar plus have depression.  he still says he love  me and wants me to change.by change it means stop attacking  him and going 3 days without talking to him and show him affection. after my kids i lost my sex drive i work come home and i'm tired . i know thats no excuse but i want to save my marriage.any advice i have been going thrue my computer  about communication and showing him i love him. any advice

by on May. 21, 2012 at 5:40 PM
Replies (11-20):
i.heart.myboys
by on May. 21, 2012 at 7:25 PM
I'm so sorry
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
staciababy
by on May. 21, 2012 at 8:04 PM
3 moms liked this

 Imagine you come home after working all day to 6 kids and a depressed, bipolar wife that doesn't want anything to do with you other than to hurt you. Then imagine when the kids are in bed and you're alone, that she doesn't want to talk to you, and even though sex is something that solidifies a marriage, you know there will be none of that. Sex is not just a physical thing. Every husband needs to feel loved and respected, just as any wife does. Put yourself in his shoes.ou have shut down communication (which is vital), stopped having sex (again, vital) and the only communication it sounds like you do have is bad. If he's been shutting down, it's probably because he feels shut out. Bipolar disorder is not something that "isn't that bad" or that you can fix by yourself. You need to get help and change your situation to your favor before you lose everything and it changes in the worst way possible.  You are the only person that can do this, nobody else. Remember your husband when you first met him? You know how much you love him? Somethings in this world are worth fighting for, and a good marriage is one of them!!

Aria12
by on May. 21, 2012 at 8:06 PM
Hes tld u the reason as to y he isnt happy... So now its up to u...
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
chloesmommy777
by on May. 21, 2012 at 9:23 PM

The silent treatment for 3 days is not mature and is quite cruel.  This is part of the reason for his leaving, dear.  He wants more affection... why is it so hard to deliver such a simple act of kindness? He wants more sex with you... obviously he's still attracted to you... but you're too tired. You could relent with withholding it for his sake and try to relax and enjoy it with him... open your mind, and it will happen.

LoganTroyMom
by on May. 21, 2012 at 9:24 PM
im sorry dear. see a therapist! and hit something else when your mad. something inatimate. like a punching bag. and honestly? maybe try smoking a little pot next time you're mad. it always makes me realize where i was wrong and i apologize.. same for df. don't go to sleep angry.
vinalex0581
by on May. 21, 2012 at 9:57 PM

um....yeah....stop attacking him. 

relationships are about give and take.....it's about communication. 

try to talk to him. ask him what his expectations are from you and see if you can live up to those expectations. just like you should have expectations of him. my SO told me about two months ago what he expects of me. he told me that he expects me to love him and that's it. 

maybe try marriage counseling. 

vinalex0581
by on May. 21, 2012 at 10:04 PM

wow! i read your ribbons. I'm so sorry about your DH, MIL, your mom, your daughter and your sister. 

im sorry          hugs

Quoting LadyStork:

 I have the same thing as you. When all else fails, I write DH a letter in a special notebook we have. Try that :)


LadyStork
by on May. 21, 2012 at 10:05 PM

 Awww. Thanks.

Quoting vinalex0581:

wow! i read your ribbons. I'm so sorry about your DH, MIL, your mom, your daughter and your sister. 

im sorry          hugs

Quoting LadyStork:

 I have the same thing as you. When all else fails, I write DH a letter in a special notebook we have. Try that :)


 

 I wear this ribbon for DH (Hodgkins Lymphoma) MIL (fibromyalgia) and my late mom 3/27/1953 - 5/24/2009 (Lupus)


 I wear this ribbon for my daughter (Hypothalamic Hamartoma and Astrocytoma, both brain tumors)


  I wear this ribbon in memory of my sister, who lost her life to suicide. 8/31/80 - 2/27/2012

vinalex0581
by on May. 21, 2012 at 10:07 PM
2 moms liked this

She said it so perfect.

=D

I agree with her 100%

take her advice. 

Quoting staciababy:

 Imagine you come home after working all day to 6 kids and a depressed, bipolar wife that doesn't want anything to do with you other than to hurt you. Then imagine when the kids are in bed and you're alone, that she doesn't want to talk to you, and even though sex is something that solidifies a marriage, you know there will be none of that. Sex is not just a physical thing. Every husband needs to feel loved and respected, just as any wife does. Put yourself in his shoes.ou have shut down communication (which is vital), stopped having sex (again, vital) and the only communication it sounds like you do have is bad. If he's been shutting down, it's probably because he feels shut out. Bipolar disorder is not something that "isn't that bad" or that you can fix by yourself. You need to get help and change your situation to your favor before you lose everything and it changes in the worst way possible.  You are the only person that can do this, nobody else. Remember your husband when you first met him? You know how much you love him? Somethings in this world are worth fighting for, and a good marriage is one of them!!


vinalex0581
by on May. 21, 2012 at 10:11 PM

I bet it's frustrating having to deal with a husband who has a disease.

The marriage probably isn't the way you want it to be. 

=(

That's probably a good thing that you two share a special notebook you can write back and forth to each other. at least you can communicate with each other through there. 


Quoting LadyStork:

 Awww. Thanks.

Quoting vinalex0581:

wow! i read your ribbons. I'm so sorry about your DH, MIL, your mom, your daughter and your sister. 

im sorry          hugs

Quoting LadyStork:

 I have the same thing as you. When all else fails, I write DH a letter in a special notebook we have. Try that :)


 


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