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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

my husband was to separate after 16 yrs

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my husband told me he hasn't been happy for a log time. we have 6 beautiful kids together and i don't want them to see us go thru this .he left fri after noon and has not come back he wanted to take some time a part for a week i told him lets do it for the weekend . i am so scared right know. i am bipolar plus have depression.  he still says he love  me and wants me to change.by change it means stop attacking  him and going 3 days without talking to him and show him affection. after my kids i lost my sex drive i work come home and i'm tired . i know thats no excuse but i want to save my marriage.any advice i have been going thrue my computer  about communication and showing him i love him. any advice

by on May. 21, 2012 at 5:40 PM
Replies (21-30):
LadyStork
by on May. 21, 2012 at 10:15 PM

 It is frustrating. It wreaks havoc on our marriage. I posted about it in here.

Quoting vinalex0581:

I bet it's frustrating having to deal with a husband who has a disease.

The marriage probably isn't the way you want it to be. 

=(

That's probably a good thing that you two share a special notebook you can write back and forth to each other. at least you can communicate with each other through there. 


Quoting LadyStork:

 Awww. Thanks.

Quoting vinalex0581:

wow! i read your ribbons. I'm so sorry about your DH, MIL, your mom, your daughter and your sister. 

im sorry          hugs

Quoting LadyStork:

 I have the same thing as you. When all else fails, I write DH a letter in a special notebook we have. Try that :)


 


 

 I wear this ribbon for DH (Hodgkins Lymphoma) MIL (fibromyalgia) and my late mom 3/27/1953 - 5/24/2009 (Lupus)


 I wear this ribbon for my daughter (Hypothalamic Hamartoma and Astrocytoma, both brain tumors)


  I wear this ribbon in memory of my sister, who lost her life to suicide. 8/31/80 - 2/27/2012

vinalex0581
by on May. 21, 2012 at 10:24 PM

I never read your post. Didn't know you had one. 

But he's lucky to have a wife like you who is willing to sick by his side. 

Great job momma!!  =D

Quoting LadyStork:

 It is frustrating. It wreaks havoc on our marriage. I posted about it in here.

Quoting vinalex0581:

I bet it's frustrating having to deal with a husband who has a disease.

The marriage probably isn't the way you want it to be. 

=(

That's probably a good thing that you two share a special notebook you can write back and forth to each other. at least you can communicate with each other through there. 


Quoting LadyStork:

 Awww. Thanks.

Quoting vinalex0581:

wow! i read your ribbons. I'm so sorry about your DH, MIL, your mom, your daughter and your sister. 

im sorry          hugs

Quoting LadyStork:

 I have the same thing as you. When all else fails, I write DH a letter in a special notebook we have. Try that :)


 


 


LadyStork
by on May. 21, 2012 at 10:27 PM

 http://www.cafemom.com/group/112285/forums/read/16618041/At_my_FREAKING_wits_end_LONG?highlight=189593109#post189593109

Quoting vinalex0581:

I never read your post. Didn't know you had one. 

But he's lucky to have a wife like you who is willing to sick by his side. 

Great job momma!!  =D

Quoting LadyStork:

 It is frustrating. It wreaks havoc on our marriage. I posted about it in here.

Quoting vinalex0581:

I bet it's frustrating having to deal with a husband who has a disease.

The marriage probably isn't the way you want it to be. 

=(

That's probably a good thing that you two share a special notebook you can write back and forth to each other. at least you can communicate with each other through there. 


Quoting LadyStork:

 Awww. Thanks.

Quoting vinalex0581:

wow! i read your ribbons. I'm so sorry about your DH, MIL, your mom, your daughter and your sister. 

im sorry          hugs

Quoting LadyStork:

 I have the same thing as you. When all else fails, I write DH a letter in a special notebook we have. Try that :)


 


 


 

 I wear this ribbon for DH (Hodgkins Lymphoma) MIL (fibromyalgia) and my late mom 3/27/1953 - 5/24/2009 (Lupus)


 I wear this ribbon for my daughter (Hypothalamic Hamartoma and Astrocytoma, both brain tumors)


  I wear this ribbon in memory of my sister, who lost her life to suicide. 8/31/80 - 2/27/2012

dani0007
by on May. 21, 2012 at 10:48 PM

The love dare is excellent and focusonthefamily.com has a great section on marriage communication and intimacy. I would also suggest a counselor to help you get out everything that needs to be said on both sides. Sounds like selfishness is tearing you apart and you dont even realize it. You both focus on how you yourself feels and what you are thinking the other should do instead of trying to see what the other needs and providing it. Its hard in this day and age this is happening and HOW it happens is in your court. Not easy but im on the other side now and ill tell you it was a bumpy ride.

2lilmamas
by on May. 21, 2012 at 10:59 PM

 My advice to give your all. Make the time be affectionate. Man needed be catered they need to also feel love. I know we woman have long days but do what it takes to save your marriage. Can you possibly go away in the weekend or have date where you can spend quality time together.

katye43
by on May. 21, 2012 at 11:32 PM

My ex husband decided we weren't compatible after 31 years.  Who knew?  Not me.

Tnt24
by on May. 21, 2012 at 11:46 PM

Really take time to think about what he's telling you he wants and then while he's saying to change your ways really think about what you do and how you act...example: silent treatment for 3 days..does it solve anything? is it making you, you and your husband, you and your family happy? is anyone benefitting from it? I'm not perfect myself but for awhile i held grudges and it takes time changing your ways but if you think about what the other person is telling you they want to change and say to yourself are they right? and even you agree with them. definitely try your hardest to work on it. Also your kids are learning your ways as well, they don't realize it and you probably don't either and i can't say for sure but 9 times out of 10 that is usually the outcome and if you are struggling with your ways and your emotional distress, the depression, the extreme mood swings chances are it will be passed down. Have you looked into counseling? For yourself? and couples/marriage counseling? your husband (if not already) should consider it too, it would make everyone feel better to get things off their chest that maybe you guys feel you can't express to one another and at the same time learn new, different coping and marriage skills to improve the relationship and move forward. if things are at a standstill right now, and don't seem to be progressing seeking helping is definitely something to consider and very beneficial.

Hottmomma607
by Trica on May. 21, 2012 at 11:51 PM
I am so sorry!! ((HUGS))
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
phrenicfire89
by on May. 21, 2012 at 11:55 PM
I agree with the love dares. My DH wasn't happy either but after the love dares he realized it wasn't about us, it was him. He simply wasn't where he wanted to be. So our marriage is much more fulfilling and he is becoming happier as he reaches out for himself. Of course y helped me with my depression, anxiety and everything that came with it.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
la_bella_vita
by Bella on May. 22, 2012 at 12:45 AM

 ((hugs)) I wish you the best of luck

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