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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Is it my fault?:(

Posted by on May. 23, 2012 at 2:20 AM
  • 16 Replies
So, me and my husband just had our 2nd daughter on ,April 23. I feel fat, ugly just not comfortable in my own skin right know. He tells me I'm beautiful, and that all that should matter is what he thinks but, I found out he's been looking up his ex's and texting strange numbers being really secretive. How am i suppose to believe him,when he's sitting there looking up and talking to other women! It's starting to effect the way I am towards him. I'm not as lovey dovey towards him and I don't know if thats pushing him away. I can't help but feel like I'm the reason he's doing the things he is. I'm on the brink of tears. I don't know what to do.
by on May. 23, 2012 at 2:20 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Monsita
by Silver Member on May. 23, 2012 at 2:29 AM
3 moms liked this

Oh My dear:  You are not alone...My husband did something like that to me...I found out, that he was e-mailing, texting, calling, face-book with 3 of his ex's....

I confronted him WITH EVIDENCES, I printed that e-mails...He lied to me at first...later, after so much pain and hurt AND ME ASKING FOR A DIVORCE,

He told me IT WAS TRUE, BUT IT WAS AN OLD SINGLE OLD HABIT....that he was trying to control..."acting as a single men, when he was already married to me"....any way! 

WE HAVE BEEN WORKING ON SAVING OUR RELATIONSHIP...no more contacting his past and his ex's...and gainning trust...trusting again!

THERE IS HOPE FOR YOU TWO!  You need to confront him RIGHT AWAY! 

ashleighmama
by Member on May. 23, 2012 at 2:33 AM
2 moms liked this
No it is not your fault! You just had a baby, his im assuming, and hes looking up ex girlfriends!!?? Thats soooo wrong! A man wont die from no sex for awhile, despite what they think! I say you two need to have a heart to hear talk ASAP! Good luck mama!
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Hottmomma607
by Trica on May. 23, 2012 at 2:41 AM
Its not your fault! Don't feel like you are doing something wrong!
OT:My DD was born April 23rd 1998.
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Mom22Ans
by on May. 23, 2012 at 10:42 AM
2 moms liked this

There is NO WAY that's your fault! Hemakes his own choices!. As your husband, he should understand that things aren't always going to be lovey-dovey and full of sex and be supportive during those times. Having a baby is hard on a relationship no matter what, but that's when things need to be stronger on BOTH sides. He needs to get his head out of his ass!

DaijahsProudMom
by on May. 23, 2012 at 4:39 PM
2 moms liked this

We went through a very similar situation, only it was with a coworker not an ex. Had it not been for us starting couples counseling with with our pastor and his wife, we probably wouldn't have made it, or would just be miserable still. You need to talk to him, let him know you know what he is doing but don't accuse him of cheating or whatever. Good luck!

Mrs.kurtz
by on May. 23, 2012 at 9:15 PM
1 mom liked this

I went throught the same thing, him talking to an old friend... really pissed me off when he was talking sexual to her and told her that she was his best friend, now that pissed me off, he did all of this when i was pregnant! Found out later on.. but now things are great, we worked it all out, and i was not all lovy dovey too with him like i was, took awhile to forgive him, but i will never forget it!! He told me i was beautiful all the time too, because that bitch told him to tell me i was beautiful... was getting advice i guess.. I was a bitch during pregnancy, but dont blame yourself mama! Talk to him!!

Mrs.TWilliam353
by on May. 23, 2012 at 9:38 PM

You're absolutely right, you're husbands opinion of yourself will never be enough to be content with who you are until you can accept yourself. And the  real problem isn't that he's being secretive, it's just that you're insecure. And the insecurity stems from how you feel about yourself.

It's very healthy for people to have communication and platonic friendships with the opposite sex when they are in relationships, as long as that's all it is and there isn't an emotional dependency that's keeping the relationship going.

But what you need to do to make yourself feel better about your appearance is to do something about it. Get a membership at the gym and work out a few times a week. Change your wardrobe, maybe the way you wear your hair, and maybe apply some makeup along with getting your hair and nails done if you're in to those things, and I guarantee you that you'll feel so much better about yourself. 

Now as far as going to the gym, you should make it a priority since your weight is probably the main issue to you, and it will also give you some "me time" along with relaxation. The key is that as long as you are taking the time out for you to change something about yourself that can be changed, it will give you some confidence. Even though the things you wanna change may not take place overnight, you'll know you made progress, and the more progress you make, the sexier you'll feel. And it will bring you closer to husband again. Because when you feel good, you look good, and when you look good, you feel good. You cannot feel comfortable with someone else until you're comfortable with yourself.

And congratualations on the birth of your new daughter, and goodluck to you and your marriage.

Dr. Jateace Williams

Psychologist

Mom22Ans
by on May. 23, 2012 at 10:36 PM
2 moms liked this

While I agree that losing the weight will make you feel better, until then, accept the way you look now. It won't be there forever, but you don't want to hate yourself until you look better to you. You don't have to find it cute or sexy or anything, just look at yourself and say my body just went through something huge and this is the result. I can change this any time i like, but until then..this is me. Insecurity does play a huge part in ruining relationships, but so do secrets. Love yourself for now, so you can love everyone else better.

armywife0424
by on May. 23, 2012 at 10:41 PM
2 moms liked this
Seriously your comment is complete bullshit. Maybe shes insecure because hes having an emotional affair. He is in the wrong not her.

Quoting Mrs.TWilliam353:

You're absolutely right, you're husbands opinion of yourself will never be enough to be content with who you are until you can accept yourself. And the  real problem isn't that he's being secretive, it's just that you're insecure. And the insecurity stems from how you feel about yourself.

It's very healthy for people to have communication and platonic friendships with the opposite sex when they are in relationships, as long as that's all it is and there isn't an emotional dependency that's keeping the relationship going.

But what you need to do to make yourself feel better about your appearance is to do something about it. Get a membership at the gym and work out a few times a week. Change your wardrobe, maybe the way you wear your hair, and maybe apply some makeup along with getting your hair and nails done if you're in to those things, and I guarantee you that you'll feel so much better about yourself. 

Now as far as going to the gym, you should make it a priority since your weight is probably the main issue to you, and it will also give you some "me time" along with relaxation. The key is that as long as you are taking the time out for you to change something about yourself that can be changed, it will give you some confidence. Even though the things you wanna change may not take place overnight, you'll know you made progress, and the more progress you make, the sexier you'll feel. And it will bring you closer to husband again. Because when you feel good, you look good, and when you look good, you feel good. You cannot feel comfortable with someone else until you're comfortable with yourself.

And congratualations on the birth of your new daughter, and goodluck to you and your marriage.

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Noy0323
by on May. 23, 2012 at 10:47 PM
1 mom liked this
Quoting Mrs.TWilliam353:

You're absolutely right, you're husbands opinion of yourself will never be enough to be content with who you are until you can accept yourself. And the  real problem isn't that he's being secretive, it's just that you're insecure. And the insecurity stems from how you feel about yourself.

It's very healthy for people to have communication and platonic friendships with the opposite sex when they are in relationships, as long as that's all it is and there isn't an emotional dependency that's keeping the relationship going.

But what you need to do to make yourself feel better about your appearance is to do something about it. Get a membership at the gym and work out a few times a week. Change your wardrobe, maybe the way you wear your hair, and maybe apply some makeup along with getting your hair and nails done if you're in to those things, and I guarantee you that you'll feel so much better about yourself. 

Now as far as going to the gym, you should make it a priority since your weight is probably the main issue to you, and it will also give you some ......

.

Thank you, but I mean I don't have a problem with him being friends with the opposite sex it's fine. Thing is it's an EX a girl I have asked him not to speak too. Someone I have made it very clear about my feelings for this individual, because of things she has done. I don't believe it's right for my husband to be seeking other women he's had intimate relationships with and then lie to me about talking to them. With my appearance I'm actually scared to go get my hair done. I recently tried to go get it cut and that ended up being a disaster I ended up feeling WORSE about myself.
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