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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

DH vs my side of the family-any suggestions?

Posted by on May. 24, 2012 at 4:17 PM
  • 14 Replies

He doesn't like my mother but thats normal right? 

But besides her he has a problem with everything when it comes to them. Tension builds up and its getting old. I really can't take it anymore. Dad and brother live in california, mom , youngest brother and 2 sister live 35 minutes away. Im a SAHM. Im always here! my life is with my hubby and baby, I don't understand. He says things about them that sometimes I agree with and sometimes I dont. We are very open about saying if we agree or not. But they're still a part of our lives and I love them too, i get defensive sometimes when i feel he's just being mean about the things he says. 

We always end up arguing. Drives me crazy!! Last night it made me feel like wated to smash my head against a brick wall. I always try to keep calm though.

Love Always,

Angel

typing

by on May. 24, 2012 at 4:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AlannaMaria
by on May. 24, 2012 at 4:37 PM
Why doesn't he like them?
BonitaM
by Ruby Member on May. 24, 2012 at 4:53 PM

Why do you guys argue about it? 

LilTymomma
by Member on May. 24, 2012 at 5:44 PM

I dont blame him not liking my mom since she's like racist she's hispanic and he's a mix of japanese and black.

But the other one's he thinks that i get weird when they come up in our conversations. 

Quoting AlannaMaria:

Why doesn't he like them?


nicole2884
by on May. 24, 2012 at 6:33 PM

hhhhmmm before we got married my mom decided to not give dh a chance, she was ok to him but defiantly needed improvement, once we got married she changed her tune she loves him now

an his mom was the opposite, she was quite , reserved an did nice things for us before we got married , then we got married an things changed , she just thought things would be the exact same once we got married ,an when we wanted change she went nuts , an since that it has put a wedge in our relationship. dh really doesnt have much to do with her an we are on the same page


i think you just have to come to terms with how things are , your family isnt going to change so he just has to learn to deal with it 

bitching about it isnt gonna change anything so he needs to come to terms with it 

Freela
by on May. 24, 2012 at 6:44 PM
1 mom liked this

((HUGS.))  My dh and I are like this but the opposite... for us it's me who doesn't like his family (for legitimate reasons, I think- they have issues with me from the start because of my race/ethnicity and have bashed my parenting, our life decisions, etc. for years.)  I try to keep quiet about it because I don't want to put him in the middle, but at times we do fight over it. 

LilTymomma
by Member on May. 24, 2012 at 6:58 PM

thanks. Its very similar with us except i end up in the middle.

Quoting Freela:

((HUGS.))  My dh and I are like this but the opposite... for us it's me who doesn't like his family (for legitimate reasons, I think- they have issues with me from the start because of my race/ethnicity and have bashed my parenting, our life decisions, etc. for years.)  I try to keep quiet about it because I don't want to put him in the middle, but at times we do fight over it. 


LilTymomma
by Member on May. 24, 2012 at 7:01 PM

There might a day we bring them up, at the end of the conversation he seems down or hurt or upset. I ask him whats wrong  and then................argument.

Quoting BonitaM:

Why do you guys argue about it? 


LilTymomma
by Member on May. 24, 2012 at 7:04 PM

For him family is a big deal, ofcourse we're more important to him but he feels hurt or pushed away.

Quoting nicole2884:

hhhhmmm before we got married my mom decided to not give dh a chance, she was ok to him but defiantly needed improvement, once we got married she changed her tune she loves him now

an his mom was the opposite, she was quite , reserved an did nice things for us before we got married , then we got married an things changed , she just thought things would be the exact same once we got married ,an when we wanted change she went nuts , an since that it has put a wedge in our relationship. dh really doesnt have much to do with her an we are on the same page


i think you just have to come to terms with how things are , your family isnt going to change so he just has to learn to deal with it 

bitching about it isnt gonna change anything so he needs to come to terms with it 


BonitaM
by Ruby Member on May. 24, 2012 at 7:08 PM


Quoting LilTymomma:

There might a day we bring them up, at the end of the conversation he seems down or hurt or upset. I ask him whats wrong  and then................argument.

Quoting BonitaM:

Why do you guys argue about it? 


That sucks.  I'm sorry.  DH's mom hated me when we first got together all he had to say was, "you're the one who wanted to meet her.,...don't say I didn't warn you."lol  It only took her 10 years to like me.  My parents didn't like him either and sometimes still don't.  I tell him and them....I don't care if you like each other or not ....but you have to tolerate each other if you want me in your lives.  They act civil towards each other and sometimes even like each other.  We never argue over it though cause we know our family has quirks and I really don't care what they think of each other as long as they can act like adults.....same goes with DH's mom.  I told her flat out I'm marrying your son not you so what you think matters nothing to me.....lol that made her soooo mad. :o)

Mrs.TWilliam353
by on May. 24, 2012 at 10:40 PM

Next time you find yourself getting defensive, let him know that when he says some of the negative things he says, that you feel like he's trying to make you choose between the two of them, and let him know how much you love the both of them, and tell her the same thing if you need to. 

Let the both of them know that you're offended by the both of them fighting and however else it makes you feel and that they need to take you seriously if they want to keep a good relationship with you. Even if they never like eachother, they need to respext eachother. PERIOD.

Dr. Jateace Williams

Psychologist

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