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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

help. I am an awful wife :/

Posted by on May. 25, 2012 at 10:06 AM
  • 24 Replies

I have a question, I have been married for 9 years and all throughout time people randomly will ask "is there something wrong with your husband" "does he have a disorder" "is he ADD" "is he autistic" and I end up falling into trying to make him act different so that people will stop saying that stuff.

Most of the time I dont tell him what people are saying but when he starts acting stupid ( I HATE that I think that and I am sorry but its the only way I can describe it) (examp. brings up topics that no one cares about and is wayyyyy off subject and you can see my friends just looking at him with these clueless looks) I try to cover for him and say things like ohh I know what you mean but I dont or ill brush him off and be a jerk and say something like "aaron... noone knows what your talking about or they dont care about that. 

I need to find a way to help him without being a jerk! He is SUCH  a good dad and husband and he deserves for people to respect him but I have a hard time myslef :(

SO I decided to read my 12 yr olds text messages and one said " Does your dad have a disorder? my mom thinks he is autistic or has a disorder" My daughter replied NO he is just silly. I mean what do I do? He deserves for his kids to be proud of him! He works, cleans and is the BEST at loving his family!

He has never been tested and I am starting to think it would be a good idea? is there anyone here that knows how to deal with this? I just want him to be able to have conversations like normal. :( Why do I get so embarrased? There is so much more that I have in my mind but just do not know how to say it out loud to people and especially my husband without hurting him.

by on May. 25, 2012 at 10:06 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lindilouwho82
by on May. 25, 2012 at 10:12 AM

My SO is hard to take, sometimes rude and can be a total smart ass and at times it can be so embarrassing. I know it's a little different, no one has ever asked me if my SO is mentally disabled, no they just ask "what the hell is his problem?"

I used to cover up and make excuses for him but I realized that was not my job and he was a grown man. Have you ever thought that your husband is just socially awkward? My brother is that way, he is such a great guy but get him around a group of other adults and he does not know how to interact.

mrsjens2000
by on May. 25, 2012 at 10:24 AM

yes maybe this could be true! he is socially awkward! nicely put! what does SO mean?

MamaHome
by on May. 25, 2012 at 10:28 AM


Quoting mrsjens2000:

yes maybe this could be true! he is socially awkward! nicely put! what does SO mean?

Significant Other.

I dont think people always have to have a disorder if they are socially awkward. My dh is that way, he just prefers not to spend a lot of time in public.

mommagirl77
by on May. 25, 2012 at 10:31 AM
This is how my DH is. And its not your place to play mommy and defend him. He starts it so let him hold his own head above water.


Quoting lindilouwho82:

My SO is hard to take, sometimes rude and can be a total smart ass and at times it can be so embarrassing. I know it's a little different, no one has ever asked me if my SO is mentally disabled, no they just ask "what the hell is his problem?"


I used to cover up and make excuses for him but I realized that was not my job and he was a grown man. Have you ever thought that your husband is just socially awkward? My brother is that way, he is such a great guy but get him around a group of other adults and he does not know how to interact.


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CrazyLife1996
by on May. 25, 2012 at 10:35 AM
2 moms liked this
I firmly believe when you fall inlove with someone it is for everything they are. Not what makes others happy.

As far as I can tell your daughter isn't ashamed or embarrassed.

If he is talking about something you don't understand then ask questions. You may not truly be interested but he is. Don't think he deserves the same respect as you or friends?

My husband is my polar opposite. Yes there is a lot of stuff I have zero interest in but he does. I listen and ask questions. I learn because it is important to him. He does the same thing.
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lindilouwho82
by on May. 25, 2012 at 10:37 AM


Quoting mommagirl77:

This is how my DH is. And its not your place to play mommy and defend him. He starts it so let him hold his own head above water.


Quoting lindilouwho82:

My SO is hard to take, sometimes rude and can be a total smart ass and at times it can be so embarrassing. I know it's a little different, no one has ever asked me if my SO is mentally disabled, no they just ask "what the hell is his problem?"


I used to cover up and make excuses for him but I realized that was not my job and he was a grown man. Have you ever thought that your husband is just socially awkward? My brother is that way, he is such a great guy but get him around a group of other adults and he does not know how to interact.


Exactly! Sometimes his arrogance and rudeness is unbearing, even though he treats me like a queen. I was once so embarrassed that he said something rude to a friend of mine that I was one foot out the door. Now I just learn to let him fight his own battles and people think it's funny to compare him to Hugh Laurie's character House. It is soo not funny!

Also, OP (original poster :) ) Remember that as long as he loves you, is good to you and you enjoy him for himself, it does not matter how others think of him. Some people (especially men) just like their close friends to hang around, that way they can be themselves and not be judged.

My life is like a lemondrop I'm suckin' on the bitter to get to the sweet part I know there are better days ahead.



mrsjens2000
by on May. 25, 2012 at 10:38 AM

@crazylife

You are 100% right! I really want to be who he needs me to be for him because I do love him and he is more important to me then any friend. I want to change my attitude about this and I know it will take practice.

mrsjens2000
by on May. 25, 2012 at 10:44 AM

thanks lindi! lol He is never mean he just brings up the weirdest things out of no where lol For example I could have like 2 girlfriends over and we could be talking about getting our houses cleaned and my husband will come over to us and say "I really like that cd" and then just talk about how much he like it but wont say what cd, or song it is or when or where he got the cd. or he will out of no where be like "he did this thing and it was so funny" and im like ' who? where? when? what?" Its like he wants to have a conversation with all of us but he leaves out 90% of the info.

abigailesmommy
by on May. 25, 2012 at 10:55 AM

A couple of things. Often people have a certain subject that is very close to their heart or hold their attention and focus. I would try bringing up that subject so that he is able to participate in the conversation. For example, one of my friends is similar to what you were saying about your hubby, but if I bring up the topic of wrestling he opens up completely. He is so intellegent and sadly others don't see it because he is quiet and socially awkward. Secondly, I would defend him by addressing it and closing down the topic. I would tell them that he might be slightly different but if they want to talk about him they should talk about what a great husband and father he is. I would want my husband to do the same for me. How would you want him to react to others if the roles were reversed? 

CrazyLife1996
by on May. 25, 2012 at 10:59 AM
The way I would react to others who ask those questions.

No he is just quirky and that I one of the reasons I fell inlove with him.


Quoting mrsjens2000:

@crazylife

You are 100% right! I really want to be who he needs me to be for him because I do love him and he is more important to me then any friend. I want to change my attitude about this and I know it will take practice.


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