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Marriage took a dip, now what??

Posted by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 10:55 PM
  • 16 Replies
I need some ideas to get my marriage back on track. I feel that after our second daughter was born, our marriage has been put on the back burner. We don't live near family, my husband works almost 60 hrs a week, I'm a sahm. I bought insanity for my husband and I to do together. He wants to build muscle, I want to lose weight. He was all for it, then when it came he said he would wait until it got cold outside to do it. I don't understand that reasoning. I thought it could be something he and I could do after our girls went to sleep or before they woke up and he went to work. Right now I feel like we are just existing and not living.
by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 10:55 PM
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by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 11:00 PM
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by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 11:08 PM
3 moms liked this
Do it without him. You'll get all sexy and it might motivate him to get with the program and spend some quality time with you.
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by Silver Member on Jun. 2, 2012 at 1:52 AM
I agree with mamabear

also, make a date night once a week. you dont need a sitter even, but get a movie or cook a special dinner/desert for the two of you to enjoy after the kids have gone to bed. get some fancy lingerie and a sex book and do some experimentation in the bedroom.

set aside time to talk about things other than life in general everyday ( no kid talk, no bills , no work rants etc...) just...idk...hopes, things you would do or places you would go. your new favorite flavor of Ben and jerrys . whatever.

make an effort to show each other you love each other throughout the day. text him if you can. always say i love you when you part, and mean it. this is also a good model for your kids. flirt with each other all the time. cook together. write love notes and leave them laying around, pack a lunch for him....
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by on Jun. 2, 2012 at 9:25 AM
I would do it with out him. I'm a SAHM, Our closest family member lives 16hrs away, my DH works 12-14hr days.. I know how you feel. It's just me and the kids 24/7 and I'm usually pretty lonley. I go to the gym 5-6 days a week and that's what keeps me sane. If I didn't work out I would feel like crap. You need to just do it for you, I know it's something you wanted to do together but he is obviously being lazy and doesn't want to do it. You both should sit down and pick at least once a month and go do something with just the two of you. Switch it up every month. You need to find ways to reconnect, it's so easy to get disconnected and then your angry and have a bad attitude about everything. Find things to do during the day as well. You need to get out if the house and interact with adults. Hang in there. Your not alone.
by on Jun. 2, 2012 at 10:42 AM
time together, just time for you guys is important. my hubby and I have let that slip the last few months, because I'm pregnant with our 3rd and have gone from sick to tired with very little time in between. but even if you can't go out- cook something, order in, get a movie or play games. put the girls to bed early and have him go get Chinese, while he's gone, change into something sexy, do your hair/makeup (quick!!) and surprise him when he gets back. or have a picnic prepared and eat on the porch. it's hard after a baby is born, no matter what- schedules are crazy (or nonexistent), mommas tired, daddy's trying to not shake the boat, and then over time, you kinda forget how to just be together. remind him :) good luck!
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by Lauren on Jun. 2, 2012 at 12:57 PM

It's hard for anyone to get motivated about weight loss or exercise whenever they are working long hours.  That is just a fact of life.  So, lets not jump to the conclusion that your DH is lazy.  My husband and I are in the same boat.  He works long hours with our family owned plumbing company.  He comes home covered in dirt, poo, and/or grease.   It's disgusting, but he has worked all day running crews and selling jobs.  He's tired.  So, I had much of the same feelings that you do.  We have a new thing that we're trying.  With 5 small kids it's hard, but we try to get the kids all in bed by 8pm.  We then watch a TV show or do whatever needs to be done.  By 9, we go back to our bedroom.  We turn off cell phones, computers, and the TV.  It's our time to talk, have sex, shower, joke around...whatever before we go to sleep.  So far, it's been pretty hard to follow those rules, but it hasn't been a week yet.  So, we'll see after a month or so if this will work.

by on Jun. 2, 2012 at 5:00 PM



by on Jun. 2, 2012 at 6:02 PM

 Greetings - This happened after my son was born.  We never actually found a remedy for it, we just live day by day.  However, my son is 15 and starting to not be around us as much.  So unbelieveably we are finding our way back together again.  I just hope it doesn't take you as long.  But we are cool with one another.

by on Jun. 2, 2012 at 6:18 PM

Get a babysitter and do a few date nights.

by on Jun. 2, 2012 at 7:09 PM

girl i know how u feel. u can try talking to him about u feel and you all can work out something were uall can spend time together. try coming up with somthing u both like and enjoy it doesnt really matter what it is as long as u both enjoy it. and u can start dressing up for him to remind how beatifull u are and try telling him how much u care and how u miss spending time with him and then throught some ideas out there ant tell him so i thought maybe we could do this for old times sake. mabe that will help bring uall back together.

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