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Why do good women stay in bad relationships?

Posted by on Jun. 3, 2012 at 12:08 PM
  • 10 Replies

Why Good Women Stay In Bad Relationships

Posted by Aunt Becky on June 3, 2012 

When people think about an "abused woman," they probably don't picture a strong, smart, intelligent, and sassy kind of person. I'd guess they'd picture a housewife wearing Mom jeans crying into her apron over her latest black eye.

Couldn't be farther from the truth. ANY woman can get caught up in a bad relationship - be it the executive down the hall or the janitor who sweeps up after you in the ladies room.

So let's break down those stereotypes and figure out why women - all KINDS of women - stay in bad relationships.

1) Fear of being alone. I know in this day and age, we women are supposed to be tough and fearless, but it's not always the case. We can behave as though we're tough and fearless, while inside, we long to be wanted by our partner.

2) The devil you know versus the devil you don't. There's something comforting in staying with your partner - bad relationship and all - because at least you know what's next.

3) Fear that this is the best there is out there. A lot of people - women who have been in bad relationships, especially - have their self-esteem eroded slowly by their partner (and life) so much that they honestly believe their current partner IS the best they'll ever get.

4) "It's not that bad." I don't know how many times I've run across those words on my non-profit site, where we get a great number of domestic abuse stories sent in to us. Women believe erroneously that because their story isn't as graphic or as horrible as someone else's, it's not really worth it to talk about their partners who really only get upset when they "do something wrong."

5) You're a perfectionist. Everything you do is the BEST out there. Therefore, your relationship must not be broken, it's just facing "challenges." The idea of failure is so tremendous that leaving never even crosses your mind.

6) He has some sort of leverage. Often men who are truly abusive threaten a woman, saying he will hurt her children, her pets, or her family if she leaves him.

7) You love him - plain and simple.

8) You believe he will change. He says he will. He's TRYING to change. You just make him SO MAD. If only you STOPPED making him SO MAD!

9) He makes you feel special beyond compare. Even if you're not quite good enough (his words), he'll manipulate you into feeling grateful that someone like him could be with someone like YOU.

10) You can't see how truly bad it is. Whether it's because you've been isolated from friends or family or you don't want to see how bad things are, you don't have any idea things have gotten this dire.

How do I know all this? I've been there, too.

What are some other reasons women stay in bad relationships?

by on Jun. 3, 2012 at 12:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AlannaMaria
by Alanna on Jun. 3, 2012 at 2:11 PM
Bump!
Anryan
by Platinum Member on Jun. 3, 2012 at 3:34 PM

Because alot of us are "fixers" and we think we can fix anything if we just try hard enough/long enough.  We always think we will read something, hear something, love them enough, whatever to make it change...I know i have been there too in the past....

Hottmomma607
by Trica on Jun. 3, 2012 at 4:10 PM


Quoting AlannaMaria:

Bump!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Hottmomma607
by Trica on Jun. 3, 2012 at 4:11 PM
Hi stranger!

Quoting Anryan:

Because alot of us are "fixers" and we think we can fix anything if we just try hard enough/long enough.  We always think we will read something, hear something, love them enough, whatever to make it change...I know i have been there too in the past....

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anryan
by Platinum Member on Jun. 3, 2012 at 4:47 PM

Hey girl, how are you!!!

Quoting Hottmomma607:

Hi stranger!

Quoting Anryan:

Because alot of us are "fixers" and we think we can fix anything if we just try hard enough/long enough.  We always think we will read something, hear something, love them enough, whatever to make it change...I know i have been there too in the past....


MomToovey
by Marianne on Jun. 3, 2012 at 9:55 PM

 Thankfully, I've never been in this experience so I don't have to wonder whether I'd stay or not.

tara.santiago
by on Jun. 3, 2012 at 11:05 PM

IMO, good women stay in bad relationships because they've invested too much time in that one individual. it took time to become comfortable. it took time for them to know your likes and dislikes. they don't wanna go through the long drawn out process of finding someone new, getting to know them, and not have any reassurance that this relationship won't be like the last, so they settle. they think that staying will somehow fix the problem, when they know deep down that it's not gonna change if the person they're with is not willing to change.

 Pregnancy Ticker

Gabby6410
by on Jun. 3, 2012 at 11:11 PM

Its so much harder to leave when you have kids

2lilmamas
by on Jun. 3, 2012 at 11:14 PM
I think for some its the fact of being alone. And sometimes its also low self-esteem.
superm0m877
by on Jun. 3, 2012 at 11:18 PM
1 mom liked this
#6 was me or 4 yrs until I realized he didn't hav the guts to act on his threats. I left him and never saw him again! Some women aren't so lucky tho :( but I stayed mostly to protect my family from getting hurt (he said he would kill them all and burn their houses down in their sleep) and cuz he made sure I had nothing ...no car or job or money and I had nowhere to go. I also hoped he would die soon, I know that sounds horrible but he was always saying he wanted to die so I just hoped he would do it so I could be free. It's a terrible feeling, I felt like I was wasting my life away and so scared I'd never get out. I'm glad I finally did!!
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