i need some serious discussion

[kristinas8]

My husband and I have been talking about splitting up for the past few weeks. We decide we're going to split, but can't yet (he has nowhere to go) but then I chicken out because I don't want to have to do life on my own. My family would be there with moral support, but physical help would be nonexistant.

We have 6 kids together and our 16 yr old is expecting in Oct.

[lillybug222]

Your marriage is worth fighting for.

[kristinas8]

Am I being rediculous staying. Or am I rediculous considering divorce in our circustance.

[JennPearce]

If you think you can work on it together, give it all the fight you can. Hugs!

[kristinas8]

One of my main reasons for wanting to split is he is horrible with our older children, he's always finding fault and being so negative toward them. While we were talking divorce he seemed haappier than I've seen him in a long time, but as soon as he said he would stay he started up again.

[JennPearce]

That would be hard. :( have you guys tried counseling? Maybe you guys need a middle man to help point out his frustrations with the kids.

Quoting kristinas8:

One of my main reasons for wanting to split is he is horrible with our older children, he's always finding fault and being so negative toward them. While we were talking divorce he seemed haappier than I've seen him in a long time, but as soon as he said he would stay he started up again.

[kristinas8]

He won't do any form of counceling he thinks its just a joke. We went last year and after every visit he just criticised the therapist.

[kristinas8]

On the other hand we can barely make it on our income now, him getting his own place would just add to the problem.

[lillybug222]

I learned the hard way that I couldn't change or fix my husband.

All I can do is be the very best wife & mom. When my DH & I started having problems, initially I blamed him & wanted him to change & fix the problem. Then God got my attention & I started working on me. I would encourage you to do the same.

I had to learn to quit nagging. I had to learn to choose my battles. I had to learn to talk calmly when problems arose. I had to learn to be my DH's cheerleader, not critic. I'm still learning & talking myself through all of these things. I'm not perfect & neither is my husband, but he's my husband & I love him. Unconditionally. Our marriage is not optional. When things were really hard, I stood on faith that our marriage would be redeemed & by God's grace, I can say that it has. Problems still come up---like they will in every marriage, but when they do, I trust God, I talk calmly, and the goal is always to resolve the problem, not fight.

I read many books--

The Love Dare
The Power of a Praying Wife
Love & Respect
Boundaries in Marriage

And, I still read devotional Bible plans & pray for my husband & family.

Let me assure you, real progress didn't start until I started working on me.

[kristinas8]

Last year I did stop nagging. I've given him the space he's always wanted. We've just drifted further apart. He's content with not showing affection.

[LadyKDL]

 It's funny that you should be writing this because I am having the same thoughts. There is somewhat of a difference: I am the one that is unhappy but I don't want my boys to be without their dad. We have the same issue as far as if he leaves, financially the strain would be too much. There are days when I am literally counting down to the time when our youngest, which is 2, will be old enuff so dad and I can split. I hate feeling like that. I have done the praying and working on myself as well. I pray for him, and I pray for a change of heart because I know that i was once truely in love with this man. We only have 4 children, but I think for you kristinas8, love your older children more than he tears them down. That's what I do, b/c my husband does the same with out oldest and I hate it.