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Would you stay in a unhappy marriage for the kids?

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Would you stay in unhappy marriage for kids? (honestly)
by on Jun. 25, 2012 at 11:52 AM
Replies (91-100):
by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 11:06 AM

I don't think I can put it any better that this. I completely  agree.

Quoting Journey311:

 I would stay.  I don't depend on my husband or marriage for my happiness.  If I'm not happy then I need to look to myself first and figure out why before I bring upheaval to my entire family.  I've been married 8 years, and there have been times when we've both been miserable.  We've hit rough patches that lasted weeks or months, but each time we've come through them.  I'm watching my best friend go through a divorce that could have been avoided.  I see her kids on a regular basis, and I would never wish that on my own kids.  They are miserable and don't understand why mommy left and they have 2 houses now. 

With that being said, I wouldn't force something that isn't there in my marriage, and there are certain circumstances (infedility, abuse, alcoholism/drugs) where I would be gone with the kids in a heartbeat no matter how miserable they might be without their dad.

by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 11:09 AM
No & I didn't.
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by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 11:10 AM
As far as doing all the work alone while he sits back is what I am going through now. I am so sorry you are also dealing with that. I completely agree with you on a positive role model for your son(s). I will kick my son's butt no matter how old he is if he treated a woman how is father is hurting me!

Our son is 11 weeks old. Last week, he had the balls to tell me "I am talking to another woman and I can't tell you I will stop and it won't happen again because it might. We haven't had sex YET." WTF?! I know what yet means! He has been belittling me and verbally abusing me for over a month and I was still willing to give him a chance. He's not sorry, told me to "Just get over it." I appreciate his honestly but I knew something was wrong and I believe he has already slept with her at least once. I have decided to leave because I refuse to take that! He's not sorry or trying to change so I am out! All this one month before our 5 year anniversary together. The thing that hurts the most is the timing. I JUST gave birth to our son! He has 4 daughters and Karter is my only baby, the son I prayed for, for years.

Karter is too young to remember but if he was older, I would take his feelings into consideration. I want my baby to be happy, but I want to be happy also. He knows how to push my buttons and has been this past few weeks. I have to leave because he won't stop and I don't want to go to jail for murder and be separated from my baby.

Quoting Midwest_Mom:

I'm dealing with this issue right now, too.

In our house, three kids are involved.  Whatever I decide to do, it's going to have a huge impact on them.  I don't want them to look at Hubby's example and think it's OK to treat their future wives like this.  However, for me to take them and leave would be a huge upheaval in their lives. 

Hubby is not physically abusive, but he's not really trying to help me fix our marriage, either.  It's like he's watching me try to fix my own issues as well as our marriage alone, while he sits back and watches.  He doesn't want to lift a finger.  In fact, he usually twists things around so the blame lies at my feet.

I really want to leave, but I don't feel like I can yet.  It's really hard to know what the wisest thing is to do.  I'm not nearly as concerned about myself.  I know I'll be able to handle it just fine.  But  the kids....their needs and feelings must come before mine. 

Problem is.....even if I stay until they're all gone (the youngest is 11), they're still going to have to deal with it later on.  I don't want them to think they are responsible for me being unhappy because we stayed with him while they finished growing.  

I just don't know.  Until I'm certain what direction I need to go, I'm staying put and sticking it out the best I can.  And it sure hasn't been easy.

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by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 11:12 AM

Depends on why it was an unhappy marriage. Is there something we can do to fix it? Am I unhappy with HIM or with things he is DOING that isn't okay for a husband to do? Does the problem lay with me, what m I contributing to the problem(s)?

It's not black and white. There are grey answers here.

I have a very happy marriage, but if I didn't... me staying in it would depend on many things.

by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 11:08 PM
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by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 11:10 PM
Yes absolutely. the kids deserve stability, and the parents should try to live together and get along. Of course, if the parents are always at each others throats, its probably not worth staying together when its just harming the children.
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by on Jun. 28, 2012 at 11:51 PM

Not any more...Now that I've "been there/done that" & see what it causes.  My 1st husband was very abusive, both physically & emotionally, and he didn't care if the kids were around to see/hear it or not.  I was very young (17) when we got married, & back then, all I wanted to do was prove to everyone that I was an "adult" & could handle myself on my own, so I thought that leaving him would prove everyone else right & me wrong...Boy, was I a fool!  I stayed 8yrs in that hell, & my kids right there w/ me...So, I finally put him out & went on w/ my life.  A few months later, I met my 2nd husband who was a drunk & was also mentally abusive (somewhat physical, but no hitting, just pushing & choking-which is still abuse)...I always thought I could "love him enough" & he would change, but guess what!?!  He didn't, so after 4yrs of that mess, he was gone.  Then, I met & fell in love w/ my now 3rd (And Lord Willing FINAL Husband), and I can honestly say that he is the absolute BEST thing that has ever happened to me besides motherhood!  SO, my answer is a definitive NO, I would NOT stay in a BAD relationship "For the Kids Sake" b/c the kids are the ones who suffer while in the relationship.  I know I stayed for a while in both of my "Bad ones", but I was trying to make it work...And, if you notice, #2 got only 1/2 the time #1 got, b/c I was determined to give it a "fair shot", but not ruin my self or my kids in the process!  If the relationship is bad, the kids will suffer b/c they long for things to be good & they need to feel loved & safe, & if that's not happening w/ you & "dad", then it sure ain't happening for them!

by Bronze Member on Jun. 29, 2012 at 12:27 AM

If it was unable to be fixed, then I wouldn't stay in an unhappy marriage.

by on Jun. 29, 2012 at 6:49 AM
I did for 6yrs. Then I said to my self enough was enough so I left finally and got a job and starting taking care for my kids my self. I'm more happy then I ever been.
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by on Jun. 29, 2012 at 7:04 AM
In the beginning yes, to see if we couldn't work things out in counseling but forever if the relationship couldn't be fixed, then no. I would w ant my daughter to have a healthy, happy relationship as her barometer for her future relationships as well as a safe environment to be in, not a tension, fighting filled one.
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