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Is it Abuse? (A Resource Guide)

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Hi Ladies,

As a future Social Worker, I felt it would be good to have a post in the Love and Marriage group that has information about the different types of abuse - and yes, there is more than just physical abuse.  I have listed some links below, and I hope that everyone will add more resources and /or stories so that we can keep it on top as a primary resource.  Feel free to include resources and information about abuse within an adult relationship, child abuse/neglect, and elder abuse.  It's not a fun topic, but I think it's vital that we have these resources available!

Here are a few links to get us started:

http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse

http://www.asafeplacenh.org/abuse_types.html (be sure to donload the brochure!)

http://suite101.com/article/different-types-of-abuse-in-love-relationships-a12723

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/child_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm

http://alzheimers.about.com/od/advocates/a/6_types_abuse.htm

Here's a link to a post in the Babies group for more info about domestic violence: http://www.cafemom.com/group/babies/forums/read/17029403/Dv_info?last#last

by on Jan. 10, 2014 at 11:02 AM
Replies (31-40):
Bluerivergirl
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 8:26 AM
3 moms liked this

Please accept this as a loving gesture, not criticism.  I am a survivor and emotional intuitive who had to go through the abused persons program in my state.  I think  many programs focus a little too much on facts, and not enough on sitting with a woman and building her self-worth.  Most women struggling with this situation know that something is wrong... they don't need data.  Work on getting:

1.   Better housing

2.   More aggressive protection

3.   More funding/support for families

4.   Activities that build up self-esteem

5.   Better childcare

6.   Safety safety safety. 

ida123
by on Oct. 17, 2012 at 8:37 PM
Bump!
ILVMYSARAH
by on Oct. 18, 2012 at 6:13 PM
1 mom liked this
There's Elder abuse that's soo sad who would hurt an old person
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biancalina20
by Bianca Lina on Oct. 21, 2012 at 10:24 PM
3 moms liked this
I like this. :)

As someone who was in an abusive marriage, it took me a year to leave from when the abuse started (mentally and physically) , I hope women have he strength to say enough is enough.
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gerigirl90
by Member on Nov. 13, 2012 at 11:50 PM
1 mom liked this
Oh wow. I am so glad you are okay. I am So happy that you are still alive to be able to tell your story to people who need the help. Do you take counsling? How old were you and your kids? Did your kids witness any of this? And how are they dealing with it now? Some people don't make it out alive. It's like playing rush & roulette (sry, not sure how to spell that). Every case is different but the stories about what the victims go thru are pretty much the same. I was abused by 2 different guys. One right after the other. I was sexually abused (raped), phyically abused, mentally and verbally abused. And emotionally abused too. When I finally got a way, I had to put one of them in jail for six months in order to be able to stay away. Well, I know now I was able to leave and stay a way from the beginning but at the time I was going thru it I was too scared, due to threats, etc. My sons dad still trys to control and abuse me. I married now and I still have issues. I put my sons dad in jail for 6mo in 2000. He tried to rape me in 2001 and found away to get a way with the charges. I still live with PTSD bcuz of it but life is so much better then it was. Some days it's hard for me to even get out of bed. But my Dh reassures me everyday that nothing will ever happen to me again. My sons dad tried to put my hand in the garbage disposal. And he only got 6mo in jail. Messed up isn't it. To think about the what ifs and what else could've happened to me, its amazing I did make it out alive. He had people out to kill me and he has kidnapped my son and still tries to use my son against me, anyway he can. My son may not have had his mom anymore if I went back. And it took several friends I had left, to help put him into jail and to help me get thru the first couple months. That finally got me to wake up and not look back again.


Quoting candicedh:

I have been through it 3 times,was sexual abuse including getting hit,slapped.I had black eyes,both of my arms broken.I admit the the decision I made 6 year ago I did not regret at all.It was my only choice,my 3rd ex boyfriend and I shot him with his own shot gun killing him instantly.Threatened me with a knife walking towards me threatening to kill me.If I did not do this,I would not be here today


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Dimples04
by Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:09 AM
2 moms liked this
I work in a Domestic Violence shelter and if you or someone you know is being abused you need to get help.  ALSO REMEMBER THAT YOUR COMPUTER CAN TELL YOUR ABUSER YOUR PLANS, PLEASE BE CAREFUL AND DELETE ALL INFORMATION THAT YOU LOOK UP IN REFERENCE TO LEAVING OR GETTING HELP.  Violence doesn't know any discrimination.  If you or someone you know needs help PLEASE call the National domestic violence hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) whoever answers the line can direct you to a local shelter or answer any questions you may have.  Any Shelter is there to help women and child (and some also help male victims) get the counseling and any other help that they need to get through the difficult time.  Abuse can be Emotional abuse (name calling, putting someone down, or controlling who/what they see or do), Physical Abuse (hitting, kicking, biting, anything that causes physical pain), Sexual abuse (can also be from a spouse or otherwise intimate partner when it is a unwanted occurance.)  Leaving your partner is the most dangerous time, wait until he/she is gone and then pack whatever you will need and just leave.   Good Luck and Don't forget that help is never more than a phone call away 24 / 7 / 365.

* To delete your history:  go to control panel, internet options, delete cookies, delete files, delete history.  EVERYTIME!!  
What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person.
You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:

·Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.
·Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
·Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
·Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
·Does not want you to work.
·Controls finances or refuses to share money.
·Punishes you by withholding affection.
·Expects you to ask permission.
·Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
·Humiliates you in any way.

You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever:
·Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
·Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or Strangled you.
·Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
·Scared you by driving recklessly.
·Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
·Forced you to leave your home.
·Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.
·Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
·Hurt your children.
·Used physical force in sexual situations.

You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:
·Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
·Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
·Wants you to dress in a sexual way.
·Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.
·Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
·Held you down during sex.
·Demanded sex when you were sick, tired or after beating you.
·Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex.
·Involved other people in sexual activities with you.
·Ignored your feelings regarding sex.


Quoting aimesnyc:

Hi Ladies,

As a future Social Worker, I felt it would be good to have a post in the Love and Marriage group that has information about the different types of abuse - and yes, there is more than just physical abuse.  I have listed some links below, and I hope that everyone will add more resources and /or stories so that we can keep it on top as a primary resource.  Feel free to include resources and information about abuse within an adult relationship, child abuse/neglect, and elder abuse.  It's not a fun topic, but I think it's vital that we have these resources available!

Here are a few links to get us started:

http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse

http://www.asafeplacenh.org/abuse_types.html (be sure to donload the brochure!)

http://suite101.com/article/different-types-of-abuse-in-love-relationships-a12723

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/child_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm

http://alzheimers.about.com/od/advocates/a/6_types_abuse.htm

Here's a link to a post in the Babies group for more info about domestic violence: http://www.cafemom.com/group/babies/forums/read/17029403/Dv_info?last#last

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togado
by on Dec. 16, 2012 at 3:56 PM
2 moms liked this
tata113
by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 5:28 AM
1 mom liked this

arguing Well, where to begin.... Been together spouse for almost 7 years.. married 6 1/2. I could get into his bio, but short and sweet, his mom and him never good relationship, his father.....  An outstanding amiable man! ok so know your wheels turning, your grasping some personality characteristics. Anyways, he has always been, right, better, spent more, sicker, done more ect. He deliberately says things to hurt my feelings, hateful things, and not just one thing he will continue on to the point he had told our oldest daughter(5) liking her in her eyes"I hate your mother"! We have 4children under 5, or oldest cold 911about 3months ago because how he was taking to me, my 4yr old son greeted the officer asking if he was taking his dad to jail for being mean to mommy and calling mommy names. 

Here is the quest part, I fell not long ago and broke my back..... from t12-L3 BURST COMPRESSION FRACTURE, AND L5 burst commissionCOMPRESSION fracture, also completely herniated my s1. So not only bad then, but now I am wasted space,"not even with it" mind u, I only started in hospital 2days! Dr s even impressed, I have babies to take care of,I am a strong woman! I have not spent 1single day in "bed rest" I get up every day with tears sweat and sometimes nausea fighting because my children give me that strength and God is good! I never took life for granted, and I sure in the neck not about to now.

I am still in love with my husband, I can't believe how he treats me, it's like he thinks he should just have to go to work literally! always been like that, I never get to pick a show to watch, for that matter he thinks I over text when me and children at dinner table and hurt locker is on.

  I guess ultimately what I need to hear is it gets better, maybe he can't handle seeing me hurt? Maybe he is afraid of what could have happened? Or maybe he has some skeletons in his closet....He use to console, visit laugh, ask if I wanted to watch something, he'll even a kill love u now on a bill device. Now he is consumed with himself, the gym, running, his creatine, whey, muscle mass, how bug his arms look, wearing tighter shirts, complaining about everything, EVERYTHING I SAY OR DO. Very pessimistic, only wants to pay attention to me if we having fornication, (yes broken back stakes, brace and all guilt trip me and threat) already 4x, it's been 3weeks since surgery..... Somebody please help. I don't get it...... Feel free to get personal, if u think u can help me, at least dry some tears, by all means

Monsita
by Silver Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 2:39 PM


Quoting candicedh:

I have been through it 3 times,was sexual abuse including getting hit,slapped.I had black eyes,both of my arms broken.I admit the the decision I made 6 year ago I did not regret at all.It was my only choice,my 3rd ex boyfriend and I shot him with his own shot gun killing him instantly.Threatened me with a knife walking towards me threatening to kill me.If I did not do this,I would not be here today

I just found your post...and I felt that I needed to tell you, HOW GLAD I AM THAT YOU ARE ALIVE!!!

Sometimes, bad things happens to some of us and it is an inspiration to see how  WE KEEP ON MOVING ON, rebuilding ourselves....

Please share with us; How are you doing?

Monsita
by Silver Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 2:52 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting tata113:

arguing Well, where to begin.... Been together spouse for almost 7 years.. married 6 1/2. I could get into his bio, but short and sweet, his mom and him never good relationship, his father.....  An outstanding amiable man! ok so know your wheels turning, your grasping some personality characteristics. Anyways, he has always been, right, better, spent more, sicker, done more ect. He deliberately says things to hurt my feelings, hateful things, and not just one thing he will continue on to the point he had told our oldest daughter(5) liking her in her eyes"I hate your mother"! We have 4children under 5, or oldest cold 911about 3months ago because how he was taking to me, my 4yr old son greeted the officer asking if he was taking his dad to jail for being mean to mommy and calling mommy names. 

Here is the quest part, I fell not long ago and broke my back..... from t12-L3 BURST COMPRESSION FRACTURE, AND L5 burst commissionCOMPRESSION fracture, also completely herniated my s1. So not only bad then, but now I am wasted space,"not even with it" mind u, I only started in hospital 2days! Dr s even impressed, I have babies to take care of,I am a strong woman! I have not spent 1single day in "bed rest" I get up every day with tears sweat and sometimes nausea fighting because my children give me that strength and God is good! I never took life for granted, and I sure in the neck not about to now.

I am still in love with my husband, I can't believe how he treats me, it's like he thinks he should just have to go to work literally! always been like that, I never get to pick a show to watch, for that matter he thinks I over text when me and children at dinner table and hurt locker is on.

  I guess ultimately what I need to hear is it gets better, maybe he can't handle seeing me hurt? Maybe he is afraid of what could have happened? Or maybe he has some skeletons in his closet....He use to console, visit laugh, ask if I wanted to watch something, he'll even a kill love u now on a bill device. Now he is consumed with himself, the gym, running, his creatine, whey, muscle mass, how bug his arms look, wearing tighter shirts, complaining about everything, EVERYTHING I SAY OR DO. Very pessimistic, only wants to pay attention to me if we having fornication, (yes broken back stakes, brace and all guilt trip me and threat) already 4x, it's been 3weeks since surgery..... Somebody please help. I don't get it...... Feel free to get personal, if u think u can help me, at least dry some tears, by all means

You are a very unique/special person....WHEN YOU ARE READY TO MOVE AWAY FROM YOUR SPOUSE and all the abuse YOU WILL FEEL IT IN YOUR BONES and you will leave no matter what!

I am very sorry that this is happenning to you! hot flashDealing with health issues at the same time must be very hard on you, SORRY!

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