Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Is it Abuse? (A Resource Guide)

Posted by   + Show Post

Hi Ladies,

As a future Social Worker, I felt it would be good to have a post in the Love and Marriage group that has information about the different types of abuse - and yes, there is more than just physical abuse.  I have listed some links below, and I hope that everyone will add more resources and /or stories so that we can keep it on top as a primary resource.  Feel free to include resources and information about abuse within an adult relationship, child abuse/neglect, and elder abuse.  It's not a fun topic, but I think it's vital that we have these resources available!

Here are a few links to get us started:

http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse

http://www.asafeplacenh.org/abuse_types.html (be sure to donload the brochure!)

http://suite101.com/article/different-types-of-abuse-in-love-relationships-a12723

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/child_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm

http://alzheimers.about.com/od/advocates/a/6_types_abuse.htm

Here's a link to a post in the Babies group for more info about domestic violence: http://www.cafemom.com/group/babies/forums/read/17029403/Dv_info?last#last

by on Jan. 10, 2014 at 11:02 AM
Replies (41-50):
Monsita
by Silver Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 3:05 PM


Quoting julibean72:

I'm a mom of 4 and 2 years ago was told I was a victim of domestic violence. I had been subjected to years and years of control and verbal abuse. I left 3 times and this is the last time. My three older children won't talk to me because their father made our marriage such a huge part of their lives. My 11 year old "gets it", saying she"hates what I did, but loves me". She hates that I left her father. Custody hasn't been established yet but I'm going for full custody hoping that she will heal some from being controlled and verbally abused for years as well. The courts actually don't even recognize verbal abuse, which I think is a crime in and of itself.

Hello!  I was wondering..how did everything ended in court?

How are you doing?

tatie503
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 11:29 AM
1 mom liked this

your heading in the right direction keep it up.  I have been in the same position and it's hard to let your heart follow your mind in it's dissition.

 

APJrzy
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 10:36 PM
3 moms liked this

As a survivor of domestic violence, THANK YOU for posting these!   I managed to survive nearly 20 years of an abusive marriage because it was all subtle and I didn't have the support system to fall back on.  I kept everything to myself since I wasn't "allowed" to talk to anyone about what went on.  Granted life since has been extremely stressful, but definitely MUCH better!   If you can talk to someone, talk to them, don't keep it bottled up, you'll only destroy yourself, and your children, if you have children. ... I didn't take that step and it has strained my relationship with my daughter, but my children know that I am here for them no matter what ... and they are here for me no matter what.  DO NOT STAY IN AN ABUSIVE RELATAIONSHIP!  IT IS NOT WORTH IT!  

all-4-them
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:41 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't know if my situation is considered abuse. Last night we got into an argument and I said a few things that weren't very nice pushing his buttons getting him angry. At one point he threw the remote across the room shattering it. He usually throws things or punches things during fights. He's never hit me. After a few minutes of fighting he got up.. leaned over me (I was sitting on the couch next to folded laundry) put his face inches away from mine and started throwing clothes in my face. Afterwards he said he did it to snap me out of my anger. He also will talk for hours and hours until he feels he's gotten his point across.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Gothmamafaerie
by on Feb. 23, 2013 at 1:16 AM
2 moms liked this

Hi, I haven't read any of the links yet, but I just wanted to comment that I think this was a great idea, and I thank you  for posting. I think it's something that isn't talked about as much as it should be... And I can definitely relate. Thanks again for the post. I'm sure many will benefit.

~B

bjane01
by Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 4:39 PM
3 moms liked this
I used to think I would never escape my marriage. I always feel terrible about myself when I was with him. He blamed me for him calling me names, hitting me, and hurting me sexually. The verbal and emotional torchure left me with no self esteem. I tried to leave but he always became perfect and loving and he made me feel guilty leaving. After he finally had a diagnosis of narcisssism, I realized he would never change. He has made it so hard to leave. Very hard. But I am sticking to it. 15 years with him. He took so much from me. Not anymore!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
megansmom30
by on May. 19, 2013 at 9:44 AM

Hi  I just read articles.A little about me. I am a stay at home mom. I have been for last 7 years. I read about financial abuse. I am in a situation where my husband and I did not have checking  account for several years. My husband cashes the pay check and keeps all the money to himself. I do not know where he keeps it and he has control of money at  all times.. like where it is spent and on what its spent on. It's been this way for years. I never know how much money we have. When I ask him how much money he has.. he just says he doesn't know. This upsets me. I asked my husband to open checking account with me. We might this week but I m not sure if we will cause he keeps putting it off. I have been looking for a job but I m not having any luck cause I did not work last 7 plus years. I am not sure what to do and I feel like I can not handle this situation much longer. I'm thinking about filing for divorce when I can.

Kari_Noelle
by on May. 21, 2013 at 5:24 PM

I am quoting this one because I think more people need to see this (maybe it should be added to the original post!

Quoting Dimples04:

I work in a Domestic Violence shelter and if you or someone you know is being abused you need to get help.  ALSO REMEMBER THAT YOUR COMPUTER CAN TELL YOUR ABUSER YOUR PLANS, PLEASE BE CAREFUL AND DELETE ALL INFORMATION THAT YOU LOOK UP IN REFERENCE TO LEAVING OR GETTING HELP.  Violence doesn't know any discrimination.  If you or someone you know needs help PLEASE call the National domestic violence hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) whoever answers the line can direct you to a local shelter or answer any questions you may have.  Any Shelter is there to help women and child (and some also help male victims) get the counseling and any other help that they need to get through the difficult time.  Abuse can be Emotional abuse (name calling, putting someone down, or controlling who/what they see or do), Physical Abuse (hitting, kicking, biting, anything that causes physical pain), Sexual abuse (can also be from a spouse or otherwise intimate partner when it is a unwanted occurance.)  Leaving your partner is the most dangerous time, wait until he/she is gone and then pack whatever you will need and just leave.   Good Luck and Don't forget that help is never more than a phone call away 24 / 7 / 365.

* To delete your history:  go to control panel, internet options, delete cookies, delete files, delete history.  EVERYTIME!!  
What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person.
You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:

·Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.
·Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
·Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
·Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
·Does not want you to work.
·Controls finances or refuses to share money.
·Punishes you by withholding affection.
·Expects you to ask permission.
·Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
·Humiliates you in any way.

You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever:
·Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
·Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or Strangled you.
·Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
·Scared you by driving recklessly.
·Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
·Forced you to leave your home.
·Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.
·Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
·Hurt your children.
·Used physical force in sexual situations.

You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:
·Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
·Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
·Wants you to dress in a sexual way.
·Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.
·Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
·Held you down during sex.
·Demanded sex when you were sick, tired or after beating you.
·Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex.
·Involved other people in sexual activities with you.
·Ignored your feelings regarding sex.


Quoting aimesnyc:

Hi Ladies,

As a future Social Worker, I felt it would be good to have a post in the Love and Marriage group that has information about the different types of abuse - and yes, there is more than just physical abuse.  I have listed some links below, and I hope that everyone will add more resources and /or stories so that we can keep it on top as a primary resource.  Feel free to include resources and information about abuse within an adult relationship, child abuse/neglect, and elder abuse.  It's not a fun topic, but I think it's vital that we have these resources available!

Here are a few links to get us started:

http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse

http://www.asafeplacenh.org/abuse_types.html (be sure to donload the brochure!)

http://suite101.com/article/different-types-of-abuse-in-love-relationships-a12723

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/child_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm

http://alzheimers.about.com/od/advocates/a/6_types_abuse.htm

Here's a link to a post in the Babies group for more info about domestic violence: http://www.cafemom.com/group/babies/forums/read/17029403/Dv_info?last#last


Kari_Noelle
by on May. 21, 2013 at 5:42 PM
1 mom liked this

I was sexually abused as a child by an uncle AND a sibling so I grew up thinking sexual and physical abuse was normal.

My first relationship became physically abusive two years into it, I stayed 7 years for the kids. I was afraid of losing the kids because he came from money and I was right. Even with police reports the judge awarded my ex custody because I did not have a stable home when I left with nothing but the kids :-(

My current husband is mentally, emotionally and financially abusive. The first time I tried leaving him he attempted suicide so I came back. Unfortunately I am still here and he hasn't changed. I am planning on leaving again but I learned a lesson from my first relationship: have a plan!

I am trying to work to save money to have a way out for DD and I. Another thing I found out after the fact is if I would have went to a shelter or to seek help from the domestic violence people I would have had help in fighting my ex. I would have had a place to live that was stable and I wouldn't have lost my kids. Seek help!

mossyoakmother
by on Jun. 4, 2013 at 1:09 PM
1 mom liked this
Iv been married 3 years with two babies. When dh an i fight its a resolt of broken cups, tears, name calling, threats of divorce all in front of the kids. I got the curriage to leave him last year but he said he promises things will be better, so back i went. Im 22 he is 28. Now our dd just turned one, we got into a fight over me buying a new phone. He said "we" agreed to no internet for me and broke his go cup and told my ds 2 (watching the entire thing) that he was not mad at him and to stop crying everything is ok mommy an daddys marriage is broken. I told him i was leaving an he has been kissing ass. He said i can go but just to let you know i wont be their for the kids much, an got a guikr trip. He said its my post pardum depression and i need to be on meds.
Idk if this is abuse or not my family thinks so but iv been in it all my life with my moms bfs after my folks split
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN