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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Is it Abuse? (A Resource Guide)

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Hi Ladies,

As a future Social Worker, I felt it would be good to have a post in the Love and Marriage group that has information about the different types of abuse - and yes, there is more than just physical abuse.  I have listed some links below, and I hope that everyone will add more resources and /or stories so that we can keep it on top as a primary resource.  Feel free to include resources and information about abuse within an adult relationship, child abuse/neglect, and elder abuse.  It's not a fun topic, but I think it's vital that we have these resources available!

Here are a few links to get us started:

http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse

http://www.asafeplacenh.org/abuse_types.html (be sure to donload the brochure!)

http://suite101.com/article/different-types-of-abuse-in-love-relationships-a12723

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/child_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm

http://alzheimers.about.com/od/advocates/a/6_types_abuse.htm

Here's a link to a post in the Babies group for more info about domestic violence: http://www.cafemom.com/group/babies/forums/read/17029403/Dv_info?last#last

by on Jan. 10, 2014 at 11:02 AM
Replies (61-70):
Eruzin
by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 2:00 PM

I know of relationships (healthy ones) where the man has the lion's share of the control of the finances. The wife gets an "allowance" with which she buys gifts, groceries, etc. He pays the mortgage and bills. However, the difference between them and you is that SHE HAS FULL KNOWLEDGE. She knows exactly how much money they have. She knows exactly how much money is paid to each and every bill they have. And if she needs a little extra she knows if it's available to her. If it is available to her she just asks her husband for it and he gives it to her. This makes sense, fiscally speaking. It's easier to keep track of the finances when one person has the control. But considering a marriage is a partnership, the wife must be fully aware of every penny earned and spent, just like the husband must be. The money belongs to the family, not the earner.


Your husband is, pardon the french, a lying piece of garbage when he says he doesn't know how much money there is. He knows. You're his wife. You have every right to know how much is there, what it's spent on, and you have the right to a share of it.


Quoting megansmom30:

Hi  I just read articles.A little about me. I am a stay at home mom. I have been for last 7 years. I read about financial abuse. I am in a situation where my husband and I did not have checking  account for several years. My husband cashes the pay check and keeps all the money to himself. I do not know where he keeps it and he has control of money at  all times.. like where it is spent and on what its spent on. It's been this way for years. I never know how much money we have. When I ask him how much money he has.. he just says he doesn't know. This upsets me. I asked my husband to open checking account with me. We might this week but I m not sure if we will cause he keeps putting it off. I have been looking for a job but I m not having any luck cause I did not work last 7 plus years. I am not sure what to do and I feel like I can not handle this situation much longer. I'm thinking about filing for divorce when I can.



trae1982
by on Sep. 7, 2013 at 8:29 PM
have been with my husband 13 yrs and married 3. We have 3 young kids. From the beginning of our relationship there was problems but I made the mistake in thinking things would change. I even made this man marry me after 10 yrs by paying for the wedding and telling him he can show up or the relationship is over. My husband has physically, emotionally and verbally abused me. I thought that he has changed but I am not sure what to think anymore. I few months ago I found out he was taking pain pills and he has no reason to be taking them, he told me he will stop but I dont know for sure if he has. He will block the doors, push me out of the way, grab me and hold me if we are arguing and I try to leave. I am self concious about my weight and he will get upset and start a fight if I start working out to lose weight. He has broken my phone and lap top secretly to stop me from talking to friends and family. I found out he googled how to break chargers without it being noticed. He compares me to his mom that has passed away all the time, I can never clean the house as good as her, i am not as motivated as she was (working and going to school). We chose for me to be a stay at home mom til our kids are in school. He does all those things then turns around and wants to be loving, touchy feely, tells me he loves me and cant imagine life without me. He wants to have date nights.I have left him numerous times, to many times to count and always end up coming back.
ATS11208
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 10:30 AM

My husband has bipolor diorder and dr said he can't help it when he gets angry and calls kids and I names and swears and yells and never wants to go anywhere really because he doesn't like to be around people.

ATS11208
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 10:31 AM

He has been put on medicine in the past and it works for a while then it just stops working everythime?

aimesnyc
by Amy on Sep. 12, 2013 at 11:08 AM

Has he coupled meds with actual therapy?


Quoting ATS11208:

He has been put on medicine in the past and it works for a while then it just stops working everythime?



ATS11208
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 11:14 AM

Yes he has been seeing a therapist and he wants to try new medication but his normal dr wants him to wait till all his blood work comes back...his dr thinks he may have cancer on top of everything else :(  Sometimes I want to leave but it is hard...thinking of him being alone :(

aimesnyc
by Amy on Sep. 12, 2013 at 11:55 AM

:(  *HUGS* I'm so sorry.  I hope the tests come back negative...


Quoting ATS11208:

Yes he has been seeing a therapist and he wants to try new medication but his normal dr wants him to wait till all his blood work comes back...his dr thinks he may have cancer on top of everything else :(  Sometimes I want to leave but it is hard...thinking of him being alone :(



ATS11208
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 1:18 PM
1 mom liked this

Thank you it is stressful...appreciate the HUGS...can't ever get enough of them

amyroosmom
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 2:58 PM
1 mom liked this

i would think that if you really have to ask if it's abuse chances are it is. Thankfully my DH is a real man.He would never abuse me. or my children so i am very lucky.

amyroosmom
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 3:02 PM

oh sweet heart i am so sorry to hear that i hope eveything turnout good in the end i wish you guys the best. and may it not be cancer.

good luckhugs


Quoting ATS11208:

Yes he has been seeing a therapist and he wants to try new medication but his normal dr wants him to wait till all his blood work comes back...his dr thinks he may have cancer on top of everything else :(  Sometimes I want to leave but it is hard...thinking of him being alone :(



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