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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Is it Abuse? (A Resource Guide)

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Hi Ladies,

As a future Social Worker, I felt it would be good to have a post in the Love and Marriage group that has information about the different types of abuse - and yes, there is more than just physical abuse.  I have listed some links below, and I hope that everyone will add more resources and /or stories so that we can keep it on top as a primary resource.  Feel free to include resources and information about abuse within an adult relationship, child abuse/neglect, and elder abuse.  It's not a fun topic, but I think it's vital that we have these resources available!

Here are a few links to get us started:

http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse

http://www.asafeplacenh.org/abuse_types.html (be sure to donload the brochure!)

http://suite101.com/article/different-types-of-abuse-in-love-relationships-a12723

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/child_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm

http://alzheimers.about.com/od/advocates/a/6_types_abuse.htm

Here's a link to a post in the Babies group for more info about domestic violence: http://www.cafemom.com/group/babies/forums/read/17029403/Dv_info?last#last

by on Jan. 10, 2014 at 11:02 AM
Replies (81-90):
candy558
by on Jan. 15, 2014 at 4:25 PM

 yes you are very right,but most of the support goes to females and no male .

aimesnyc
by Amy on Jan. 15, 2014 at 4:28 PM

That could also be because men are not as likely to report abuse.  But in regard to this post, it is directed toward women since this is a site primarily used by women.

Quoting candy558:

 yes you are very right,but most of the support goes to females and no male .


jazi1105
by Jazi :) on Jan. 21, 2014 at 7:36 PM
great info
grambo91
by New Member on Jan. 25, 2014 at 8:20 AM
If a man is being abusive, it is always his fault.. If a woman is being abused, she is a victim, she's not "playing" anything..

Quoting candy558:

some social worker  assume  is always the man fault, they  should study the case  more closely, some crazy woman's play victim. what a  waste for dose true woman's who are really victims  

da808gypsy
by Member on Jan. 26, 2014 at 3:57 AM
1 mom liked this
Omg that's how I was in my first marriage!. I didn't even know I was in an abusive relationship and thought if I couldn't make it work I would be failing! So weird I swear I could have written that.

Im so glad you got away! Hugs <3


Quoting earthangel1967:

Thank you... in my first marriage  (if thats what you want to call it ughhh) of 16 yrs I was abused and didnt realize it for a long time. I also kept thinking I could fix him and that if I couldnt "I" was a failure and felt guilty and had to try harder  ... I regret marrying him and I regret not leaving him much much sooner ... it was sooo shocking and so sad when of my 4 kids my two young teens (the oldest 2 ASKED me t leave him)I had thought my kidswould hate me if I left their dad, plus I had no money nowhere to go and no employability skills, they told me they didnt care, they said even living in a shelter would be better .... I left him within 1 hour of them confronting me that way and it was the best thing I ever did.... me and all the kids went thru 2 years of intense poverty once I left but we were close knit and a team and then our lives became better than we'd ever hoped and dreamed and we've been beyond happy ever since. : D


Sometimes divorce is a blessing and NOT a bad thing!

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Jan. 26, 2014 at 6:52 AM
3 moms liked this

thank yougroup hug Awwwwwww!!! I just noticed today... 1/26/14 that TEN women have liked my post.. normally  a like is nice or whatever but doesn't really affect me if someone does or doesn't. but The fact 10 women LIKED THIS specific post made me start to cry because I was so touched... I feel so guilty and regretful that I stayed in that marriage for 16 years and so ashamed that it took my poor kids  to TELL me to leave that I would have NEVER expected ONE person to like my post, if anything I would have expected them to bash me or something... so thank you  ladies for  your kind empathy and support. I can't tell you how much that means to me. HUGS to each of you. 

Yup... tears pouring down my face. 

Quoting earthangel1967:

Thank you... in my first marriage  (if thats what you want to call it ughhh) of 16 yrs I was abused and didnt realize it for a long time. I also kept thinking I could fix him and that if I couldnt "I" was a failure and felt guilty and had to try harder  ... I regret marrying him and I regret not leaving him much much sooner ... it was sooo shocking and so sad when of my 4 kids my two young teens (the oldest 2 ASKED me t leave him)I had thought my kidswould hate me if I left their dad, plus I had no money nowhere to go and no employability skills, they told me they didnt care, they said even living in a shelter would be better .... I left him within 1 hour of them confronting me that way and it was the best thing I ever did.... me and all the kids went thru 2 years of intense poverty once I left but we were close knit and a team and then our lives became better than we'd ever hoped and dreamed and we've been beyond happy ever since. : D

Sometimes divorce is a blessing and NOT a bad thing!


View Full Size Image YVONNE

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Jan. 26, 2014 at 7:02 AM
1 mom liked this

Awwww big hugs! Thank you for sharing! I am SO glad you got away too! I felt like "I" was failing and it was my fault because of it so much that I didn't even let my own very loving parents and friends and family know anything was wrong, I hid it because I was so embarassed and so ashamed I was failing and wasn't able to give my kids the PERFECT life I always passionately wanted to, (well I did every chance in every way I could and got but I couldnt fix the parts that had anything to do with their bio dad and that was a BIG BIG deal  and I felt like it was up to me to make him into the kind of dad they deserved.  but he only got worse and worse and even now that they are adults he is worse than ever, he wont' even speak to them ). 

BUT ironically my kids DID end up with the  PERFECT dreamy dad any kid could ever hope for in my husband Todd I met to my SHOCK 2 yrs after my divorce, and he loves them as his very own and has been the most exceptional father and even now wiith them adults now he STILL is and they know it and love him for it.  He may not be 4 of our kids bio dad and I may not  be todd's daughter we raised togehter's bio mom but WE ARE their REAL MOM AND DAD and we beleive we were always meant to be together even from the time our souls were being created before we were even born. : ) 

I honest to goodness did not have  a CLUE that any human being on this earth could possibly be THIS happy in this liifetime. For most of my life I just thought NO ONE was THIS happy .. that it was not even possible. I could not be more grateful every day. 

 I sooooo hope you are happy now too! : D

Quoting da808gypsy: Omg that's how I was in my first marriage!. I didn't even know I was in an abusive relationship and thought if I couldn't make it work I would be failing! So weird I swear I could have written that.

Im so glad you got away! Hugs <3


Quoting earthangel1967:

Thank you... in my first marriage  (if thats what you want to call it ughhh) of 16 yrs I was abused and didnt realize it for a long time. I also kept thinking I could fix him and that if I couldnt "I" was a failure and felt guilty and had to try harder  ... I regret marrying him and I regret not leaving him much much sooner ... it was sooo shocking and so sad when of my 4 kids my two young teens (the oldest 2 ASKED me t leave him)I had thought my kidswould hate me if I left their dad, plus I had no money nowhere to go and no employability skills, they told me they didnt care, they said even living in a shelter would be better .... I left him within 1 hour of them confronting me that way and it was the best thing I ever did.... me and all the kids went thru 2 years of intense poverty once I left but we were close knit and a team and then our lives became better than we'd ever hoped and dreamed and we've been beyond happy ever since. : D


Sometimes divorce is a blessing and NOT a bad thing!


View Full Size Image YVONNE

da808gypsy
by Member on Jan. 26, 2014 at 3:03 PM
I'm glad you find happiness <3 I know I did! I'm still scarred and heading but dh is helping me along the way. We were actually friends when I was with my ex . I went to a hospital for three WEEKS and he called me everyday even though we were in different states. He got we away from an abuser and into my sister's house and bought my plane ticket . Taught me how to drive and even tried to help me get back into school to get my education.

When I was with my ex I was a highschool drop out who never worked and didn't have anything to show for. Now I drive, have my GED, started looking at schools and have an 8 month old son I love more than anything <3

Thank you for sharing your story I thought for the longest time I was stupid for thinking I was failing especially since nothing really that tied me to my ex since we didn't have any kids.



Quoting earthangel1967:

Awwww big hugs! Thank you for sharing! I am SO glad you got away too! I felt like "I" was failing and it was my fault because of it so much that I didn't even let my own very loving parents and friends and family know anything was wrong, I hid it because I was so embarassed and so ashamed I was failing and wasn't able to give my kids the PERFECT life I always passionately wanted to, (well I did every chance in every way I could and got but I couldnt fix the parts that had anything to do with their bio dad and that was a BIG BIG deal  and I felt like it was up to me to make him into the kind of dad they deserved.  but he only got worse and worse and even now that they are adults he is worse than ever, he wont' even speak to them ). 

BUT ironically my kids DID end up with the  PERFECT dreamy dad any kid could ever hope for in my husband Todd I met to my SHOCK 2 yrs after my divorce, and he loves them as his very own and has been the most exceptional father and even now wiith them adults now he STILL is and they know it and love him for it.  He may not be 4 of our kids bio dad and I may not  be todd's daughter we raised togehter's bio mom but WE ARE their REAL MOM AND DAD and we beleive we were always meant to be together even from the time our souls were being created before we were even born. : ) 

I honest to goodness did not have  a CLUE that any human being on this earth could possibly be THIS happy in this liifetime. For most of my life I just thought NO ONE was THIS happy .. that it was not even possible. I could not be more grateful every day. 

 I sooooo hope you are happy now too! : D

Quoting da808gypsy: Omg that's how I was in my first marriage!. I didn't even know I was in an abusive relationship and thought if I couldn't make it work I would be failing! So weird I swear I could have written that.



Im so glad you got away! Hugs <3





Quoting earthangel1967:

Thank you... in my first marriage  (if thats what you want to call it ughhh) of 16 yrs I was abused and didnt realize it for a long time. I also kept thinking I could fix him and that if I couldnt "I" was a failure and felt guilty and had to try harder  ... I regret marrying him and I regret not leaving him much much sooner ... it was sooo shocking and so sad when of my 4 kids my two young teens (the oldest 2 ASKED me t leave him)I had thought my kidswould hate me if I left their dad, plus I had no money nowhere to go and no employability skills, they told me they didnt care, they said even living in a shelter would be better .... I left him within 1 hour of them confronting me that way and it was the best thing I ever did.... me and all the kids went thru 2 years of intense poverty once I left but we were close knit and a team and then our lives became better than we'd ever hoped and dreamed and we've been beyond happy ever since. : D



Sometimes divorce is a blessing and NOT a bad thing!


DaBuzz
by Member on Jan. 26, 2014 at 8:40 PM
1 mom liked this

Don't forget to let others know that there is a pattern in abusive relationships. How often is the behavior taking place?

It's not a one-time thing (not that that makes it ok) when he/she says something they don't mean in a heated argument. It's never okay.

DaBuzz
by Member on Jan. 26, 2014 at 8:42 PM
1 mom liked this

Sounds like my first marriage. I'm glad you found a way out and are now happy :) I am too!

Quoting earthangel1967:

Thank you... in my first marriage  (if thats what you want to call it ughhh) of 16 yrs I was abused and didnt realize it for a long time. I also kept thinking I could fix him and that if I couldnt "I" was a failure and felt guilty and had to try harder  ... I regret marrying him and I regret not leaving him much much sooner ... it was sooo shocking and so sad when of my 4 kids my two young teens (the oldest 2 ASKED me t leave him)I had thought my kidswould hate me if I left their dad, plus I had no money nowhere to go and no employability skills, they told me they didnt care, they said even living in a shelter would be better .... I left him within 1 hour of them confronting me that way and it was the best thing I ever did.... me and all the kids went thru 2 years of intense poverty once I left but we were close knit and a team and then our lives became better than we'd ever hoped and dreamed and we've been beyond happy ever since. : D

Sometimes divorce is a blessing and NOT a bad thing!


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