My husband has mental health issues and I don't know what to do... kind of long
I have been married almost 1 year. since we married, I have noticed some terrible things about him.. such as the fact that he is a pathalogical liar. About 6 months ago, I finally met his mother (she lives out of state) and a few days later we were visiting friends and I mentioned that we had dinner with her. His friend says to me " Mitchs mom died 3 years ago, so you must have met his crazy aunt" WHAT? So my hubby came outside and my step-son and I said to him" why are they saying your moms dead? I just met her? He says to me" NO THATS JUST MY CRAZY AUNT REMEBER... I TOLD YOU SHE PRETENDS TO BE MY MOM?" Mind you I met her @ his SISTERS house that is his mother not his aunt.?? I asked his sister about and she couldnt figure out why he made it up either..He just made that up to tell them one day!!! Also we used to work together and everyone @ my work thinks he is a Navy Seal! He has no military training at all! His ex-wife family and friends have all worned me about his lies and they keep getting worse! His sister tells me he's been doing this his whole life! It has gotten to the point that I don't believe a word out of his mouth because he tells me 5 different stories about the same thing. And receantly his ex called and said that their 10y/o son came home and said that Daddy told him a secret. That he used to KILL PEOPLE FOR MONEY!!! WTF??? Its not true and who the fuck says that to a child or anyone? Also I have caught him on cheating /dating websites and he swears someone hacked into his computer.... REALLY? He also admited in court to killing his ex-wifes cat with his bare hands!
Quoting jeriballinger:
I dont think the ex will do anything. she gave him 50/50 because she has 5 kids and the oldest to are with their father. my step-son is with us most of the time and the youngest 2 are with her and her new husband. She willingly gives her son to him . Legally she has full custody. she chooses to less us keep him 5 out of 7 days during school and 3 out of 7 in the summer. It was her idea
Quoting LexRi0709:
That's normal of a pathological liar. They try to deflect the blame. I still say try to get with his ex and discuss options. He's not healthy to be around any of his kids. And if the 2 of you go up against him its makes the case even stronger.
Quoting jeriballinger:
Quoting LexRi0709:
Is his only issue lying? I ask because it can go along with psych disorders. If its his only issue, file for a divorce and gtfo now! He's not right in the head, but you cant change him or force him to change. He isn't a danger to himself or others so you can't have him put on a psych hold. Your options are either stay and deal, or leave and move on with your life.
He also has a really bad temper but he's never hit me, just screams and yells and things like that. And he acts very crazy if you call him out on his lies. He tries to turn it around on the other person
but i will try!
Quoting jeriballinger:I dont think the ex will do anything. she gave him 50/50 because she has 5 kids and the oldest to are with their father. my step-son is with us most of the time and the youngest 2 are with her and her new husband. She willingly gives her son to him . Legally she has full custody. she chooses to less us keep him 5 out of 7 days during school and 3 out of 7 in the summer. It was her idea
Quoting LexRi0709:
That's normal of a pathological liar. They try to deflect the blame. I still say try to get with his ex and discuss options. He's not healthy to be around any of his kids. And if the 2 of you go up against him its makes the case even stronger.
Quoting jeriballinger:
Quoting LexRi0709:
Is his only issue lying? I ask because it can go along with psych disorders. If its his only issue, file for a divorce and gtfo now! He's not right in the head, but you cant change him or force him to change. He isn't a danger to himself or others so you can't have him put on a psych hold. Your options are either stay and deal, or leave and move on with your life.
He also has a really bad temper but he's never hit me, just screams and yells and things like that. And he acts very crazy if you call him out on his lies. He tries to turn it around on the other person
Quoting jeriballinger:
Quoting thecoffeefairy:
Leave now. Don't look back. Don't listen to his pleas, don't second guess your decision. Just leave, divorce him and never look back. That behavior just gets worse.
The only real issue that I have is that his son will be with him ... We have 50/50 with his ex.. but if I left than I would hope she'd take her son. I'm not worried about money or anything I make the most.
Quoting Kaybean:
I agree with her. Leave him and don't second guess yourself. Normally, I don't agree with divorce unless it just absolutely can't be saved, but in this case, he sounds like a nut with some MAJOR issues. Being a compulsive liar like that is bad enough, but on top of it, he says some really freaky stuff. I understand your concern for your step son, so I suggest you speak with his mom. She probably knows he's like this anyway, and will believe you. I would strongly encourage her to take him to court and require he get some mental testing done. If the boy will testify that his dad has said disturbing things, along with your DH admitting to killing a cat, then a judge may very well take the accusations seriously and keep him away from his step son until he gets help. The cheating websites..don't believe that either. No one hacked. He was looking and you know it. He may have even cheated. If he's this dishonest, then he's probably hiding plenty.
Quoting jeriballinger:
Quoting thecoffeefairy:
Leave now. Don't look back. Don't listen to his pleas, don't second guess your decision. Just leave, divorce him and never look back. That behavior just gets worse.
The only real issue that I have is that his son will be with him ... We have 50/50 with his ex.. but if I left than I would hope she'd take her son. I'm not worried about money or anything I make the most.
Oh I don't believe for a minute that someone hacked his computer..it had ALL his info birthday/ height/eyes everything except he left marital status blank. And that is the same reason he doesnt have a facebook anymore. I caught him on there flirting with ex-girlfriends and asking for #s.. but of couse someone hacked then too... according to him
First of all, it is a federal offense to pose as a military figure of any kind! Second, if this has gone on ALL his life, his family has been aware of it...why isn't he in some type of counseling???
I see some have told you to run. But, only you can determine if that is right for you. But, keep in mind, if you stay...it is a loooooooong road ahead. And, not a happy stress-free one either. Your husband NEEDS help. Now, it's a matter of whether or not you want to help him get that help. Sadly, he has to be willing to accept the help.
Seriously, you need to sit this man down and have a SERIOUS talk. He needs to know he either goes through testing and counseling or you are out of there. If he is not willing to admit he has a problem (or many), then you will be beating a dead horse. Your life will be miserable. And, life is way too short to be miserable.
I went through this with my ex-husband. He had traumatic brain injury from a car accident. Our marriage was already doomed before that. But the TBI exacerbated it. He refused to face that his TBI caused him to have to do things differently. Such as make lists because he couldn't remember things. Use maps because he often misplaced himself. Take meds that helped with the short-circuiting in his brain. Anger management to control the anger of the whole situation, which he was violent prior to the accident, but way worse after. He refused all the things that would assist him in leading a better life. He is still that way today. His 2nd wife divorced him as well for many reasons, including his lying and flat out refusal to do the necessary things for his affliction. It has now landed him in prison for trying to blow up their house with her in it. He failed. Because his brain couldn't put things together. But, the attempt landed him with a 6 year sentence and 6 years probation when he gets out.
So, you need to ask yourself what you are willing to go through for this man. Then, make your decision and move forward. Do NOT let him take you down with him!
if you get any advice on how to help him, or how to make him get help - please let me know. This... this sounds like my sister. Her marriage recently ended, and her lies are becoming more and more.... off the wall, and it's like she's not trying to hide the fact that she's lying, but then I don't think she realizes it. I honestly think she lives in this world where these things happen the way she says they do, but it is so out of touch w/ reality.... *sigh*
Quoting Mena929:
Get away as fast as possible. I hope you guys don't have kids together. He killed a cat with his bare hands? What in the hell provoked him to do that? Also, telling your child something like that is not ok.
well he tried to deny the cat but I had the court papers in my hand. so he told me the cat was scratching the kids and his ex- kept letting it in the house anyways.... BUT there is never an excuse to hurt an animal :( and if that was the case he could have found a child free home for it. and I'm sure that wasnt even close to what really happened. he supposedly broke its neck and threw it out the car window!
Quoting MunchiesMom324:
if you get any advice on how to help him, or how to make him get help - please let me know. This... this sounds like my sister. Her marriage recently ended, and her lies are becoming more and more.... off the wall, and it's like she's not trying to hide the fact that she's lying, but then I don't think she realizes it. I honestly think she lives in this world where these things happen the way she says they do, but it is so out of touch w/ reality.... *sigh*
I definetly will.. My husband is out of touch w/ reality also... but sometimes he seems so ..normal? but yes.. a part of me thinks that he really believes these sick delusions he has :(
You know , but does your partner?
- jeriballinger
on Jun. 26, 2012 at 12:55 PM