He's your son's father. He's going to be in his life. I don't know how to deal with that other than to tell him that if he's going to be in it, then be in it.. if not, take a hike.
As far as the "I need time" speech. Tell him, "Take all the time in the world. Take forever. I still want the divorce." If that's how you still feel. Just be honest with him.
(hugs)
I am guessing that he really hasn't done anything to really work on changing himself during this time. Has he put himself into therapy purely for his own benefit (not to try to get you back), or done anything at all to work on himself and make himself a better person. It's easy to be different when your outside the stresses of a relationship. But if he hasn't changed, things will revert to the previous pattern. Even if he had been striving to change it would be hard. Go on with your life. Don't look back.
I would not even think twice about it untill he steps up. Comes around EVERY DAY for HIS CHILD. And stops fucking around. Even then I would probably never trust him enough to let him move in.
Just one thing to consider and I am NOT saying this is his motive, but it should be stated. Make certain that you have legal paperwork saying you have custody BEFORE allowing him to take your DS. Without it, he could take DS 'for a visit' and decide to keep him and you then have to fight for custody. I hate to put that out there, but it happens too often to not warn you about.
I don't doubt that you're respecting him as your son's father. But HE needs to show your SON respect. Either be in his life, or don't. None of this in and out BS. That's really hard on a kid, believe me, I know.
And honestly, it sounds like you BOTH need time. So I change my answer.. tell him to take all the time he needs, and you'll do the same. I wish you luck sweetie. I know this isn't easy. :\
Quoting katemarie97:
I know I need to respect him as my sons father but for three and a half months he showed no emotion towards him at all yet he was able to spend two of those months with his older son.and as far as the divorcr..its not what I want..I love him to pieces but his actions have been unacceptable.I told him I have no desire to be with him at this time. Ugh I was doing soo good til this
I completely agree with this. I do want to add that if you decide for whatever reason that you no longer want the divorce, take it slowly. Don't pick up your lives where you left off. Start dating again, get reacquainted, and certainly don't start sleeping with him - even if you didn't wait long the first time around! Earn that relationship back. And after some time, if both of you feel it's the right thing to do, you can delve deeper into the relationship.
Quoting AnGLInterrupted:
He's your son's father. He's going to be in his life. I don't know how to deal with that other than to tell him that if he's going to be in it, then be in it.. if not, take a hike.
As far as the "I need time" speech. Tell him, "Take all the time in the world. Take forever. I still want the divorce." If that's how you still feel. Just be honest with him.
(hugs)
Does your DH/SO....
Who do you love more,your husband or kids
- katemarie97
on Jun. 26, 2012 at 2:10 PM