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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

should i trust an believe him??

Posted by on Jun. 29, 2012 at 4:20 AM
  • 18 Replies
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Hello... this is my first post, heard about this from a friend an thought i would give it a try. I am in Some serious need of advice. Its a long crazy story so i will make it as simple an clear as possible. I had my first son when i was 18, with my high school sweetheart. We had literally known each other our entire lives... we were both young and our relationship of course did not last. We remained friends for the most part, had some very tuff times but to this day are good friends. We have both married an had other children. My huge dilemma is we are both still very much in love with each other. Both of our marriages are extremely rocky an nearing a end. The other day we had a nice conversation an he told me how much in love he is with me still to this day, an that our relationship is the happiest he has ever been with anyone. He has always told me that in the future he sees us growing old together an spending the rest of our lives together. I really want to believe him. Its been 10+ years since we have been together. I know that he holds my heart in his hands his smile makes me smile hes everything i have always pictured myslef with. I know that we both need to focus on the relationships that we are in now but should i really trust what he is telling me? One minute he is the amazing sweet man i know then minutes later, when his wife is around he is the biggest jerk. What do i do??
by on Jun. 29, 2012 at 4:20 AM
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2lilmamas
by on Jun. 29, 2012 at 6:09 AM
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People change things change. Personally you were both young then. You both im sure have grown throughout the years. But when you said one minute he sweet but when his wife is around he's a jerk raises a red big flag. Looks more like he wants his cake and eat it too. You are both married concentrate on your own relationship. He looks more like he wants keep his marriage and have you as a mistress. I hope you leave him alone and don't cross the line with him.
GCM
by on Jun. 29, 2012 at 7:42 AM
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I'd say his actions speak louder than his words if he's a jerk as soon as he's around his wife...I'd think that might be how he'd end up treating you in the long run.  I agree with 2lilmamas, focus on your own relationship if you're looking to fix it.

fostermomoftwo
by on Jun. 29, 2012 at 11:03 AM
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well hubby and I are living proof that their is such thing as true love.

we met in highschool and he knew right then he was going to marry me, we fell hard but i was young only around 16, he was 19. he went to basic training and i broke it off with him just because i had some boy here bugging me and ppl saying that my boyfriend probably wouldnt stay faithful cause 'no one' does....well long story short i ended up marrying that boy i dumped him for, was with him for 10 years, didnt love him but settled, still looked for my old army boyfriend..for years i searched for him i missed him, he treated me so much better and i prayed for him everyday, i couldnt forget him

10 years later i find him, get a divorce from my now X dh and marry him. He gave me the strength i needed to leave my X dh cause my X dh was abusive in everyway to me and beat my self esteem down so low.

so this time when i got to pick from the exact same two doors again i choose to follow my heart. I have an incredible man now that has been in love with me too for all those years I had his heart  and soul back then and never gave it back. but the thing is my hubby was single....if he was married he said he wouldve dropped her in a heartbeat for me cause he was still so much in love with me. for goodness sakes when he was in iraq he dropped his guns and went running up to a women and spun her around thinking that it was me!

so it should give you hope that its possible..GL

lucky to have the best husband in the world

CrstlChstn79
by on Jun. 29, 2012 at 12:23 PM
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Sounds like he's feeding you a line. If he really wanted to be with you he wouldn't change the way he treats you when the wife is around. You should concentrate on your relationship. Decide if staying or going is best for you. Please don't let old feelings influence your decision you could possibly regret letting them.

Snapdragon88
by Bronze Member on Jun. 29, 2012 at 12:54 PM
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He had a childhood relationship with you. Of course he was the happiest... he didn't have all the stresses and responsibilities that comes with being an adult and married. I'd be careful with this. It would be good to remember that the relationship you two had was a LONG time ago, and the chances of it being the same or even working out are very slim.

Work on your marriage and stop having inappropriate conversations with your ex.
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MusicMom823
by on Jun. 29, 2012 at 1:05 PM
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You must cut off all communication with him until your own relationship is resolved.  You cannot concentrate on fixing what you have if you are wondering about your old flame.  Until you are either stable and happy in your marriage or divorced, you must not spend any time with or communicate with him.  And quite frankly, unless he is divored too, he is off limits even then.

That being said...my best friend found herself in your situation.  She did all she could to save her marriage, but when she found her hubby in bed with another woman, she was done.  Her high school flame had indicated to her that she was his one regret, that he wished they had married, but she had never acted on it...until after the divorce was final.  Then she called him.  He courted her and married her and she is happier than I have EVER seen her.  But then again, he was always a sweet guy, he never acted like a jerk to anyone, so....that's a factor to consider.  Makes me think your old flame is probably looking for an affair and is feeding you a line.

 Melissa  

sheltons06
by on Jun. 29, 2012 at 1:58 PM
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Sounds like he is stuck on his life with her, and why not? If she is his wife, isn't that where he should be? I think you need to let go and find a man you don't have to share :)

Ashiopeia
by on Jun. 29, 2012 at 2:04 PM
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Maybe he's being a jerk around his wife because of pressure fom her. Just maybe. Could just be that she's insecure and if he's too nice to you she will flip. Obviously if they're havin problems there is something going on. I'm about to marry a man I really wanted to date in high school. Apparently he really wanted to date me too but we were both too awkward to come right out and do it and just stayed friends. We both married other people and had kids and now have a baby together and couldn't be happier. Good luck whatever you do.
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MomToovey
by Marianne on Jun. 29, 2012 at 2:05 PM
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 The first two thoughts I had while reading your post may not be exactly the type of advice you're looking for, but hear me out:

1. It isn't fair to your husband or his wife for you to carry on like this. Both of you are being extremely disrespectful. Even if your relationship never goes further than where it currently is, your husband should be the ONLY man who gets your heart. The same goes for his wife.
Sooo...either you stop right now and devote yourself to your husband, or leave him. He deserves a woman who will love and respect him. If you can't give him that, let him find someone who can.

2. Just because he's promising you the moon now doesn't mean you won't have hard times. Let's say you do leave your husband and he leaves his wife. Now you two are free to pursue a romantic relationship. But keep in mind, things are never hunky dory 100% of the time. As soon as things start to get rocky again, how will the two of you handle it? Are you both going to put forth your best efforts, perhaps make some sacrifices here and there to ensure a stronger relationship when you get through those hard times? Or are you both going to start looking toward the arms of someone else - which is exactly what both of you are doing right now - so who's to say it won't happen again?

It's my personal opinion that you're much better off with your current husband. Put your time and effort into fixing that relationship and leave your ex alone. But if this is something you can't do, just know what you're getting yourself and your children into.

Rach-2
by on Jun. 29, 2012 at 4:01 PM
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He is going to be a jerk around his wife so that she doesn't suspect anything. I say for you to follow your heart. Although you were young and it was a long time ago, you can not control the way your heart feels but you can control your actions...be careful!


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