Here's the basics: I will be 27 in 2 weeks, hubby is 6 months younger so also 26. We got married last December, his 1st but my 2nd. I have a DD from my 1st and a son from between that he adopted then we have 2 together. We have been together almost 5 years, since #2 was 2 mo.
My small novel of our life: When we got together we both worked full time. My house was spotless. We worked, came home, both cleaned and both picked up after ourselves and shared most everything to do with the kids. I had issues about needing access to the money which he accommodated by both of our names being on all bank accounts. Even though we still had his and hers, his Money went to his, mine in mine but at anytime I could see what he had and if I needed bill money I called and told him how much I needed out and he said take it from my account. This worked. 6 months into in, he was fired. I supported us, things stayed the same around the house. A year after we got together, he had found a new job and I was 10 weeks pregnant with my #3. I started having issues with the pregnancy and my company was closing my site. He told me if I wanted I could stay home. So I do. #2 started having issues. Dx, severe expressive speech delay, 50%. I learned sign and started doing speech therapy services. I went through a lot of depression, we hit hard times and had to move to his moms for a little while, he worked temp jobs. Depression got worse. Found out and had #4, #4 and I spent a week in NICU. An opportunity came a year ago to move closer to my family, took it. Within 3 weeks he had a permanent job, 6 weeks we had our own place. Nov. Found out #2 is mild to moderate autistic. He gets along great with my family and he's picked up hunting fishing hobbies.
So our issues: I knew being home full time I would do more around the house. No big deal. I DIDN'T know that staying home meant my husband was going to turn into a SLOB. Shoes in the middle of the floor (a previously corrected habit), a trail of dirty clothes after work & pjs in the morning (also previously corrected), hair in the sink after shaving, towels thrown everywhere after showers, dishes left all over the house, yelling at the kids, refuses to do any house work (even the trash which has always been his job). Our sex life sucks. I spend my days cleaning up after him and the kids. I am trying to teach the kids to clean up after themselves, respect each.other and that everyone works in the house.
He walks in compliments my work and then destroys it in 3 hours. Last week I had the house spotless, o had the kids doing their chores and everything was awesome and then he came home. By the time I clean all day I don't want to do more then minimal after 5 p.m.
Our kids are following his footsteps. Everyday is harder then the day before, fighting the kids to listen and keep up their stuff, his crap piles up, I get depressed and just stop doing everything because I am tired of it. I have to be on call for my #2 when school is in session. I am to the point that I think about leaving because it would stop the biggest messes and the kids listen better. It feels like he doesn't respect me although he says he does. We use to talk, he would listen and made efforts to help fix issues. Now, if I try talking to him we end up in a screaming fight.
What do I do? How do I get my husband to go back to his old habits?
Thanks to anyone who makes it to the end of this. Any advice is welcomed.
My small novel of our life: When we got together we both worked full time. My house was spotless. We worked, came home, both cleaned and both picked up after ourselves and shared most everything to do with the kids. I had issues about needing access to the money which he accommodated by both of our names being on all bank accounts. Even though we still had his and hers, his Money went to his, mine in mine but at anytime I could see what he had and if I needed bill money I called and told him how much I needed out and he said take it from my account. This worked. 6 months into in, he was fired. I supported us, things stayed the same around the house. A year after we got together, he had found a new job and I was 10 weeks pregnant with my #3. I started having issues with the pregnancy and my company was closing my site. He told me if I wanted I could stay home. So I do. #2 started having issues. Dx, severe expressive speech delay, 50%. I learned sign and started doing speech therapy services. I went through a lot of depression, we hit hard times and had to move to his moms for a little while, he worked temp jobs. Depression got worse. Found out and had #4, #4 and I spent a week in NICU. An opportunity came a year ago to move closer to my family, took it. Within 3 weeks he had a permanent job, 6 weeks we had our own place. Nov. Found out #2 is mild to moderate autistic. He gets along great with my family and he's picked up hunting fishing hobbies.
So our issues: I knew being home full time I would do more around the house. No big deal. I DIDN'T know that staying home meant my husband was going to turn into a SLOB. Shoes in the middle of the floor (a previously corrected habit), a trail of dirty clothes after work & pjs in the morning (also previously corrected), hair in the sink after shaving, towels thrown everywhere after showers, dishes left all over the house, yelling at the kids, refuses to do any house work (even the trash which has always been his job). Our sex life sucks. I spend my days cleaning up after him and the kids. I am trying to teach the kids to clean up after themselves, respect each.other and that everyone works in the house.
He walks in compliments my work and then destroys it in 3 hours. Last week I had the house spotless, o had the kids doing their chores and everything was awesome and then he came home. By the time I clean all day I don't want to do more then minimal after 5 p.m.
Our kids are following his footsteps. Everyday is harder then the day before, fighting the kids to listen and keep up their stuff, his crap piles up, I get depressed and just stop doing everything because I am tired of it. I have to be on call for my #2 when school is in session. I am to the point that I think about leaving because it would stop the biggest messes and the kids listen better. It feels like he doesn't respect me although he says he does. We use to talk, he would listen and made efforts to help fix issues. Now, if I try talking to him we end up in a screaming fight.
What do I do? How do I get my husband to go back to his old habits?
Thanks to anyone who makes it to the end of this. Any advice is welcomed.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Posted by
on Jun. 29, 2012 at 11:20 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies:
1-3 of 3 replies
by
on Jun. 29, 2012 at 2:34 PM
Sex feels like a chore, except with the occasional heated night, because it feels like its all about what he wants and I get so run down cleaning up after him. It feels like I am here to just do whatever he doesn't want to do himself. Somedays it feels like if he had his way I'd be wiping his butt for him too. It's just too much.
Quoting fostermomoftwo:an old lady once told me that they key to a great marriage is a great sex life!
sounds like you guys need to reconnect and get onto the same page :)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by
Amber
on Jun. 29, 2012 at 3:05 PM
Take some time away from the house and do something for yourself, don't ask him just go! Then let him pick up after everyone and don't lift a finger. If he asks what's going on tell him that he needs to pick up after himself and in turn help teach your kids not to be slobs. Once he starts doing so you will help him pick things up again. Hugs!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
1-3 of 3 replies
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
What's so bad about porn anyway?
In-Laws..Do you get along with your? I don't.....
- dababiesdreams
on Jun. 29, 2012 at 11:20 AM