EDIT TO ADD:
Okay, so I'm trying my best to reply to everyone, but there's a lot of things I want to add, so I'll do it here...
I want to make it clear that I am not judging women for staying in an abusive relationship and I am not blaming the victim. To those of you who have been in an abusive relationship and have managed to get out, I applaud you for having the strength to do so. You should be proud. For those of you who may still be in an abusive relationship, please get out before it is too late. There are many resources available to you, make use of them.
What I am trying to do is start a dialogue on how it is that women end up in these types of relationships. And why women choose to stay with men who, even if they are not abusive, are losers who can't be bothered to pull their weight in a relationship and who are disrespectful and unsupportive (there is a huge difference between disrespectful and abusive). To those of you who have provided me with some insightful input, thank you.
I have conceded that there might not always be warning signs, but I stand by my belief that in the vast majority of cases they are clearly present.
I know a women who was married to a wonderful, supportive, kind, generous man for seven years. Then he had an accident at work which left him with brain damage. He changed overnight. He became irritable, angry, defiant, selfish and impatient. Then he began to verbally abuse her and her children, which led to physical abuse. She had no choice but to leave him, for her safety and for the safety and wellbeing of her children. I can also see how there may be no warning signs in the case of mental illness, such as bipolar and PTSD. Sociopaths are great actors and can "pretend" as long as need be in order to get a person where they want them to be, and at that point they begin to show their true colors.
I have a personal experience I want to share to show my point. When I was in my early twenties, a friend introduced me to a bouncer at a local club and we went for coffee. He told me that his ex-girlfriend had a restraining order out against him (not exactly a great first-date conversation starter). Now, did I wait around for an explanation? Did I feel sorry for him? No, I ran for the hills (after making it clear that I wasn't interested in seeing him again). Fast forward a few days. I'm leaving my apartment for work and I notice his car in visitor parking. No big deal, it's a big apartment building, he's probably visiting a friend... nope, he's following me. I ignore him and get on my bus. That night, I get home from work there are 6 messages from him asking me to call and talk to him. I ignore them. The phone calls continue. I ignore them. A few days later, he shows up at my workplace. He was agitated and angry and he says to me "i thought we had something". I replied "yes, we had coffee, now leave". Now, imagine what would have happened to me had I gone on a second or third date with him, or if I had, god forbid, slept with him. Pretty scary stuff.
And that is what I mean about warning signs. Now this one was pretty obvious (we are talking flashing neon warning sign complete with alarm bells, whistles and air horns), and that isn't always how it is. However, most of the time they are there, and you'll see them if you are looking.
Well somebody had to come out and say it!
I come across these posts on CM all the time and it get me so mad it makes me see red.
Women who are dating / living with / married to / having babies with men who are (according to what they say) lazy / controlling / abusive / unsupportive / ungrateful losers. Why are women so desperate for a man that they are willing to put up with that kind of behavior?
I've seen posts from women asking for advise because their boyfriend gets stinking drunk 7 nights a week, or their husband can't hold down a job because he's addicted to video games, or their child's father won't even lift a finger to watch his OWN children for 1/2 hour while she has a bath. What is wrong with these women?
The question isn't so much why do they stay, because the answer to that question would be fairly complicated... but why do women get involved with losers like this in the first place? You can't tell me that there were no warning signs that maybe these guys didn't have it all together from the beginning (I have a list a mile long of warning signs).
Note: I realize that many of the women who come on here to vent about their relationships are probably overexaggerating their situation a bit (some are probably outright lying) and that there are two sides to every story. I'm not naive in thinking that the posts on CM are 100% truthful, and I do believe that these women have to take a good hard look at their own behavior in their relationships.
I am not meaning this post to be offensive to anyone, it just makes me so angry I want to spit.