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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Frustrating problem.

Posted by on Jul. 2, 2012 at 10:48 PM
  • 4 Replies

 My husband and i moved in with my inlaws to help save money and get ahead. but the problem is my mother in law thinks because i am at home with the children that im ment to be the house slave and her husband thinks he can just talk to me any kind of way and get away with it. When i talk to my husband about it he is on my side until hes supposed to come to my defence hes MIA. they also dont pitch in on the groceries which has gone up by two hundred dollars since we moved in because they eat whenever i cook. but when there isnt any groceries left they go out to eat and leave us to fend for ourselves. since im a stay at home mom i dont know what to do because im not bringing in any money i feel like i am not getting any respect.

by on Jul. 2, 2012 at 10:48 PM
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Replies (1-4):
MixedCooke
by Silver Member on Jul. 3, 2012 at 2:19 AM
1 mom liked this

I have seen both sides of the coin because I temporarily lived with his parents and also with my Mother.  His parents are the smothering kind and didnt want us to do anything but I did anyway.  My Mom, it was like I was a child all over again but in her case, she paid the mortgage and the lawn service but we paid for everything else.

You arent paying any mortgage and I assume other bills such as eletric, water, garbage, etc., so I think paying for groceries shouldnt be an issue because you are still saving in the long run.

As far as being a house slave, as you stated, you are a stay at home Mom and you would be cleaning at your own home anyway.  As long as you arent having to clean after them because they are actually leaving their mess for you but again, they are doing you a favor by allowing you to stay with them, so there has to be some level of understanding that you will have to do something for them. 

As far as disrespecting you, I would talk to them upfront about it and explain to them that you will not tolerate the disrespect because although you are tere to help save money, you are still there helping them out as well.

shantekris
by on Jul. 3, 2012 at 2:27 AM
Well on the bills my husband and I pay half the rent and half the lights and they don't clean up behind themselves but I do because I have to small children who can easily put anything in there mouths. And I feel like the favor I am doing is me cooking every night and them being able to get a plate. If we were not there I wouldn't have to clean or cook for two grown people.
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DarlaHood
by on Jul. 3, 2012 at 2:46 AM

Unfortunately, You are the guest in their house, and so you have to really live on their terms.  Take it for as long as you can if it serves a purpose, and then get out.  If it is going to permanently damage the relationships, then I would move out.  They don't owe you anything.  You can try talking to them and negotiating some of the issues but ONLY if your dh is willing to be there and stand up.  But it's still a negotiation on their terms because it's their house.  Sorry.  I feel for you.  I've lived with my in laws too, and my FIL was not an easy man to live with.  But it comes with the territory.

shantekris
by on Jul. 3, 2012 at 11:57 AM
When we decided to move with these people they moved out of an apartment and we all moved into a rent house that both my husband and my mother in laws names are on so I don't really feel like its a "your livin under my roof so do as I say" sort of situation. I feel like they are catching a break at the same time but taking advantage of the fact that I do everything for my family which in turn they can benefit from. My mother on law actually cooked lunch for her husband one day while we were out and left the dishes everywhere and I said something to my husband about it and he told me just leave it there. I wasn't able to use the kitchen for three days and gnats started forming. Lol
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