My parents and husband not getting along?? help

[lindsied24]

Opinions needed. I have been married for 5 yrs and 3 months ago I seperated from my husband. He was verbably abusive and it got even worse when I left him. When I left, I took our daughter and I went to stay with my parents. Because of the verbal abuse and because my husband changing the locks on our home, my parents decided it would be best for me to divorce my husband. My parents decided to retain a lawyer, with my consent, which is a non refundable $4,000. Well to make a long story short, after about a month, my husband decided to reach out to a counselor and a preacher. He started to realize that what he was doing was destroying our relationship and he didn't want to lose me or our daughter. He really seemed like he was sincere when he pleaded to get us back home. And I still believe he has changed for the better and his relationship with Christ has gotten stronger, as well. I've been home now for about a month and things have been really good, besides the fact the he feels my parents were in the wrong for getting a lawyer so fast and not being the Christian family that they say they are. He feels we shouldn't have to pay them back the $4,000 because they signed the papers. Also, my parents are still pretty upset with my husband because of the way he treated me. They feel he should apologize to them and they've mentioned sitting down with us to talk about things. My husband says he only owes me an apology and not them, because none of it was directed towards them. So to sum it up, my husband does not want to be around my family and my family is upset because they feel if he's truly sincere then he would want to work on there relationship as well. I am so lost and feel stuck in the middle. And the other day I read this quote and it really hit home!! "Surely what a man does when he is in an uncomfortable situation is the best evidence for what sort of man he is." - C.S. Lewis I feel like showing this quote to my husband, but I feel that might not be a good idea. Thoughts and opinion would be greatly appreciated!! Should we pay my parents back? Should my husband have to apologize to my parents??

[MILFInProgress]

Yes and yes. Ask him to think how he would feel if it was his daughter in that situation, how would he feel? What would his expectations be?

[Cadyrose]

I'm not sure if this is really a should or shouldn't question. He hurt and disrespected you with the verbal abuse. As parents, when you hurt and disrespect our kids....you do it to us. I think if he is serious about fixing the issues in your marriage, then yeah there needs to be a sit down where you all can begin to repair the damage caused. I would hope he would want to do whatever is necessary to bring peace back so everyone can move forward without that cloud looming over.

And i do think you need to payback your parents....I would do it whether I got the divorce or went back to him.

But overall if there is no apologize and you don't pay back the money, I think your relationship with your parents will never be the same again. Are you close to them? Is it worth throwing that away to stand against an apology and $4,000?

[yikesitsmindy]

Your husband acted like a fool. it sounds like he is still acting like a fool. He needs to apologize and pay your parents back.

[CrazyLife1996]

This is a catch-22. I believe both sides were wrong.

He 100% was wrong for the way he treated you and your daughter.

Your parents were wrong but immediately jumping on and pushing for a divorce so quickly.

This is why I say this. Sometimes you have to lose the most important people in your life to realize how bad you messed up.

It took your husband a month to realize his faults and immediately went into treatment to correct his behavior.

As a mother I completely understand where your parents were coming from they were protecting you and your daughter.

As a wife: Waiting a few months to see if he was willing to realize his faults and to actually work on fixing them is worth the time. Just to see if your marriage is fixable.

At this point he only owes you and your daughter the apology. Truthfully because it is the only thing he can focus on at this time.

As time goes along he may decide to apologize to them for the way he treated you and your daughter.

I do not see that he will ever be willing to repay the money because he never wanted a divorce in the first place.

You and your parents choose to go this route. If you feel it is only right to pay them back then it should come from you.

I don't mean to sound bitchy at all. Just trying to but another side to the situation. Even this situation can cause a new problem in your marriage and you are still trying to get back on track.

[smurfy88]

You should pay back your parents, but he shouldnt have to apologize. When me and my ex husband would fight or almost break up he didn't go apologizing to my family, its between wife and husband.

[tifbrown]

Yes to both. Whether he agrees with them getting a lawyer or not you consented to it and your parents were doing a very good thing for you. And, I agree that he needs to apologize. Just because the verbal abuse was not directed at them it still indirectly hurt them. It is hard for a parent to see their child hurt. Not working to fix his relationship with them is only going to cause problems. If he truly wants to be with you for the rest of your life he needs to make an effort to get along with your family. Don't shut them out. If it all falls apart again you are going to need them. I'm glad he has changed his ways and I hope he carries on with it.

[MiriRose923]

Hi there ~ I can understand that this situation is probably really weighing on you right now, and I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. While I can't say what's the best way for you and your husband to respond to your parents, I am aware of an article on Focus on the Family's website that you might find helpful called "Conflict Resolution." I work at Focus, and there are counselors that will speak with you over the phone for free. You might consider giving them a call. Praying that things improve and that you'll have wisdom as you handle this situation. God bless you!

 

 

[Momof5kids84]

I think that your husband owes them an apology. You brought them into this whenever you moved in with them and agreed to retaining a lawyer. You also owe them the $4,000. Having said that, he owes them a sincere apology not an intervention. Your parents don't need to know all the ins and outs of your marriage. Keep it short and sweet.

[JZB]

First you guys need to work on you he probably hasn't fully accepted what has happened and his role in it.  Give it a little time and you 2 seek counseling together

[AlannaMaria]

I think if your DH was a "changed Christian man" then he would do the right thing and apologize to your parents for treating there daughter like crap. That's was a Christian would do. I def think you should pay them back, especially if your going to stay with him.