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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

just cant get over it

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Husband and I have been together 8 1/2 year married 3 1/2 of those 8. I had a daughter from a previous relationship. My husband is great and always wanted a biological child. Our daughter (now 21 months) was planned. The minute I got pregnant he freaked out. (What if I'm too old? What if I can't support another child) 10 weeks into my pregnancy his mother suddenly passes away. he went to every appointment with me but like I twisted his arm. Not once did I get a back rub or any sympathy for anything. At 4 months along he announced he couldn't have sex with me because he felt weird knowing I was pregnant. During my induced labor he fell asleep, so I was sitting there by myself. In the early morning he was comlaining about being hungry and tired. He called my mother to come sit with me so he could sleep and go eat, even though he knows I can't stand my mom and didn't want her at the hospital at all. The night after she was born he slept and I was up with her. I resent him and the way he treated me. I can't get over it. The sight of him still fills me with such anger. I don't need replies! I just wanted to vent! I feel sad and so alone, so I needed to vent.
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by on Jul. 5, 2012 at 1:28 AM
Replies (21-30):
Ksmomy
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 8:24 AM
@abouttobeamom-his mothers death was sudden~~ OUR daughter was planned! Not a quick plan but for a year or so we talked about the right time to try. We came to the conclusion TOGETHER. I'm sure reality is much scarier than anything someone can think about.
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laurenb1
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 8:26 AM
Aw I'm sorry
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JC2223
by Bronze Member on Jul. 6, 2012 at 8:49 AM

 How is he now?

ProudMommy51006
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 8:56 AM
How is he treating you now? I am very sorry he treated you this way! You will never be happy if you don't forgive him.

My dad just lost his mom suddenly in January, and he is not the same man.... He is 45 and he is devastated. Maybe you can understand because you can't stand your mom. But were you there for your husband during his grieving? I mean really there? My dad expresses his grief with anger. Just a thought.

I hope you two can talk things out.
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phoenixallison
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 9:53 AM

Im sorry hun Im sure he will come around hes a guy & many of them cant handle too much emotional stuff at once & thats a boatload you just stated above. With that being said dont let this deter your real feelings for him. He is needing your support right now even though YOU are the one giving him this great gift. You two can make it work right now is just a huge tough patch. Ive neen through it & I promise it will change.

preplovesyou
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 1:20 PM

Wow..

Ksmomy
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 1:37 PM
@Proudmommy51006 we have had our ups and downs. When we got the call that his mom was being rushed to the hospital (we live 250 miles from his home town) I had us packed and ready within 20 minutes. I had us on the road in 40. I really liked his mom. I was very upset about her passing,I know I wasn't as upset as he was. I was there for him as much as I could. I sat with him, listened to him. I did as much as I could. I knew he was stressed about the pregnancy before his moms passing but he totally withdrew after her passing. I don't think I'd still be holding onto this if it got better in the 1st year of our daughter's life. He wouldn't feed her because he was afraid she'd chock. Wouldn't change her because he didn't want anyone to think he was hurting her. Our daughter wouldn't sleep unless she was held and he didn't hold her because he was tired from work. In his actions it was like he was saying "I go to work and when I clock out I'm done. I don't need to do anything at home" I wasn't getting any sleep and it never bothered him. He slept through the night. I have been expressing my displeasure and he's apologized. He says he will work on it but there's always a honeymoon period the he starts reverting and remind him. Sometimes I get so sick of reminding him. That's where I was when I made my post.
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Ksmomy
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 2:04 PM
@ProudMommy51006~~im sorry I can't read. I thought you said maybe I couldn't understand because I couldn't stand HIS mom. I realize you ment my mom. I do apologize.
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MalloryR
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 9:44 PM

You have every right to be upset because that is not okay. I would be just as mad. Unfortunately, I cannot give you any advice because that cannot be an easy road to go down. I couldn't even be sure what I would do, unless I was actively going through it, myself. Good luck and congratulations on your daughter.

ayla91
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 9:50 PM

your baby is almost 2 now and you are still with him? i dont understand...

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