Sent dirty pics to SO and was totally hurt/crushed by reaction! NEW EDIT
Has anyone else ever sent dirty pics to so/dh and been hurt by the response (or lack there of a response?)
Here's a little about me...I'm not a troll...in fact I've lost over 20 pounds in about a month with some diet & exercise changes (so I weigh about 125-130)...got a beautiful tan...and keep myself well groomed.
I had this idea to send dirty pics to SO and I set up the camera on top of my dresser & set the timer to take pics. I got a few really awesome pics (I'm very critical of myself and these made me look amazing. Or so I thought)
So I sent them off to SO in an email with the title-'do not open in front of boss or others.' The first night, he said nothing so I waited until the next night when he got home from work and still nothing. So I flat out asked if he got the email I sent him. He said no he hasn't checked his email in a few days. I told him to check it because I sent him something special.
So 3 days pass and I ask again. No, he hasn't checked it yet. So now I'm mad because I told him it was a special email and he won't take the time to even look at it. I told him to check now since he wasn't doing anything else.
He wasn't thrilled at me wanting him to check it. He seemed irritated by my request rather than excited that I sent him something. Well he opens it and looks through them. He looks at me and asks "so who took them?". After explaining that I propped the camera up on the dresser, he says nothing. NOT A WORD!!!!
So I waited. I thought maybe he would send an email back to me since he didn't say anything to my face. I waited an entire day, then finally I sent him a text letting him know his lack of response was a little disappointing. I got zero response from him on that too. So after the frustration of it all I snapped and said the least he could do was say something! He said "I didn't know what to say"!!!!
How about thank you or if he didn't like them, say they sucked or he didn't like them, or if he did, how about something like those were hot, or your ass looked great or something!
But for there to be nothing, after being together for 7 years is heartbreaking to me.
And I know it doesn't 'offend' him since there is a constant supply of porn on his laptop history. So that isn't the issue either.
I wanted to say thanks for making me feel like shit about myself since I wasn't even worth the effort of a simple response from him.
And he doesn't understand why I'm pissed at him. The tears in my eyes should have told him when my words failed to bring understanding from him.
Sorry for the vent.
How would it make you feel?
EDIT: First off, thanks for all the support. I had to laugh at the douchebag comment! Loved it! lol
I haven't made it through all the responses yet but I will try to answer some things real quick.
This isn't the first time I have sent pics & videos. In fact, one of the videos I sent, he went out of his way to find an outside video site that he could use while at work to watch it. His idea after I sent it to him.
He has also video taped us and photographed us in various ways.
Which is why it really hurt to get a 'sleeping' response.
I have tried talking to him multiple times and it doesn't help.
He works in a cell by himself most of the time, has plenty of time to look at porn while he's at work & on break. So him not having the privacy isn't an issue.
I felt as though I had to break his arm just to get him to open his email.
Will update again as I read more comments.
EDIT # 2:
I sent the pics to him while he was at work, to his PERSONAL email. After all the porn I found on his laptop, the one he takes to work and doesn't use at home, I personally am not worried about a email with 3 pics in it.
The porn isn't something I approve of. He has always lied & tried to hide it. By the way ladies, Google Chrome leaves ZERO history when in INCOGNITO mode....unless they get a crash which leaves a screenshot of what was being looked at at the time. Which is how I caught him this last time. And I was ready to walk out the door with what I found.
I told him there was a special email he couldn't open in front of others- that I labeled so he would not accidentally open in front of his boss. He knew what was in the email, he had time to look at other more recent email he had received. I knew he hadn't looked at them because the header and title are dark when they are un-read. I wasn't standing over his shoulder when he opened it. But I could see him & his email from where I was pretending to be doing something else.
Before I met SO, I had posed nude for a magazine.
I then battled breast cancer and won. But I lost both of my breasts. I have implants but no nipples (of my own, I have stick-on ones!) Which is why for the most part, none of the pics I take have my face nor breasts in them unless they are the ones SO took.
I, personally, am not afraid if the pics get seen by others. I am a bit self conscious because of the weight, and the aging my body has done but if someone sees them or he gets hacked and they get out there, then Oh Well. I made my bed as they say....
I try to live with as few regrets as possible because life is too short to worry about a few pics getting seen by the masses. After the reaction my SO had to them, I'm not too worried that anyone would want to look at them nor circulate them anyways.
This entire experience has made me very self conscious, insecure, EXTREMELY HUMILIATED etc. I just don't feel good about myself because I let him make me feel like this. I let him. I let someone else take over how I feel about me. I feel like I am always putting myself out there and getting nothing really emotional in return.
We have lived together for 7 years, have 2 children together, 6 between us total.
EDIT: We had a heated discussion this weekend which only made me feel more like shit and want to tie his pecker to a moving car.
According to him, me needing some form of acknowledgement: a thank you, a compliment, a grunt even makes me a NARCISSIST!!!! I HAVEN'T HAD A SINGLE COMPLIMENT FROM HIM IN ALMOST 2 YEARS!
Not a 'you look nice' when I've gotten dressed up to go out with him, NOTHING!
I told him how I felt and that made me... needy, narcissistic, and somehow it's my fault because he got mad at me. He was furious at me. And of course it's not his fault...at least that's how he feels about the whole thing. He turned it around on me saying I am a horrible house keeper (he's not totally wrong but instead of focusing on the topic at hand, he flipped the page to make me the bad guy).
Then the next night I tried to get him to have sex and he said he was too tired (it was his last night off after being off for 4 days)...which led to an argument because he is constantly telling me no, he's too tired or some other excuse...He proceeded to tell me that because I CAN'T GET OFF IN 20 MINUTES OR LESS (like ALL his other girlfriends before me, which there weren't many of. He didn't say that about the exes this time but he has many times before so that I would never forget) THAT SEX WITH ME FEELS LIKE WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS A PIZZA DELIVERY GUY THAT HAD TO GET THERE IN 20 MINUTES OR LESS!
He focused in on the fact that I am on the computer almost every night when he get's home from work looking for scholarships...so am I supposed to drop out of school because I can't afford it? He doesn't pay for a dime of it but it pisses him off that I am trying to do it myself?!?! He can fuck off on that one!!! I was a part time student last semester and will be a full time student this coming September. I am studying Computer Animation and Effects.
MAYBE IF HE WOULD LISTEN TO ME WHEN I HAVE TOLD HIM SOOOO MANY TIMES THAT WITHOUT FOREPLAY, (MORE THAN HIM JUST MINDLESSLY GROPING MY BOOBS) as he lays there with his less than enthusiastic body language!
He's seen me get off in just a few minutes when he is totally into it and had good foreplay, so him saying I never get off fast is him focusing on the times when I haven't. Instead of looking at the entire picture, he focuses in on the bad.
I apologize if this seems a bit scrambled, my mind and my feelings are all scrambled right now so I am having a hard time putting together a coherent thought.
I had thought about the cheating thing also...but when he is not at work, he's at home with me. He doesn't like social situations in any way shape or form so he doesn't hang out with friends, usually when he goes to the store, he has one or more of our kids with him. Or we all go together.
Just so I didn't have any doubts, I have driven up to his job to see if he was there when he says he's working over/weekends and his truck is in the parking lot and he didn't leave with anyone else (I watched the doors to make sure).
He's got alot of good points going for him, but none of them involve me. ie he's a good father and provider for them. I am just not sure what to do anymore nor how to handle my feelings about all of this.