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Completely off topic, but this group is less judgmental than the rest. Need advice. Edit with Poll

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Poll

Question: Ask him to change the time frame?

Options:

yes

no


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Total Votes: 47

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I have a 4.5 year old from my previous marriage. I am 35 weeks pregnant with my now husbands child. My oldest DD's bio father would like to take her to his home state for a couple weeks (we live in CA, he wants to take her to WI). He has done this before in the past and I have never had an issue with it. But the time frame that he wants to take her is the exact time that I am due to give birth to this child. I am a little torn. On one hand, it would be nice for my husband and I to have this time for just us and the new baby and my oldest wont feel pushed to the side. On the other hand, my oldest is so excited to become a big sister and I am afraid she will be upset if she misses the birth.

So, I have no intention of telling my ex that he cant take her, I just need to decide when would be a good time. He has not yet bought the tix for them to fly back to his home state. If you were me, would you ask him to change the time frame he wanted to go? (to the best of my knowledge, there are no important family functions he or his family has planned during that time). Or do you think its a good idea for my husband and I to be alone with just the newborn? (admittedly, it would be a bit easier just caring for the newborn, instead of a newborn and a preschooler)

by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 9:03 PM
Replies (31-40):
august_baby_09
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 11:55 PM
I completely agree

Quoting ayla91:

I would let her go. It will be nice for you to not have to find a sitter or something while you are recovering from the birth. She is too young to be upset about missing the birth. Shes probably just excited to be a big sister- either way she will be happy. Baby will be here and still tiny and new when she gets back. I would let her go.

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TexasWife
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 11:55 PM

I like this

Quoting GingerNeeSmith:

why not ask her what she wants to do? Let her know she will miss the birth & baby will be home waiting to meet big sister. Let her know it is OK if she wants to stay & it will be OK if she wants to go.


Luv2BaMommy9809
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 11:56 PM

I was in your shoes and asked for the time frame to be changed...it worked out beautifully.  I couldn't imagine going through this without my oldest and she would have been extremely disappointed and hurt to be left out, even fully knowing and undertanding the circumstances.

GOOD LUCK!

Edited to add that there is a much bigger age difference between my dd's....Realizing now that your little one is not yet 5, I am inclined to agree with some of the above posts in that she might be too young to fully grasp what is happening and it might all be too overwhelming for her.  With that said, it might behoove you and your dh to just enjoy this special time together and then make your dd's homecoming extra special and very much about her, too...

LilTymomma
by Member on Jul. 6, 2012 at 11:58 PM

I think she should go with her daddy. You need a lot of care and your baby does too. So in my opinion is perfect timing. 

Love Always,

Angel

typing

rmgriffberg
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 11:59 PM

 ask your dd. she will be able to tell you at her age what she will prefer

P.V.Hawkwind
by on Jul. 7, 2012 at 12:02 AM


Quoting lfrrll5:

This was my thought too




Quoting GingerNeeSmith:

why not ask her what she wants to do? Let her know she will miss the birth & baby will be home waiting to meet big sister. Let her know it is OK if she wants to stay & it will be OK if she wants to go.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Chelsey191
by Member on Jul. 7, 2012 at 12:02 AM

At 4.5 I would ask her what she wanted to do, if she wants to be there when her baby sissy is born or if she would rather wait a few days.

la_bella_vita
by Bella on Jul. 7, 2012 at 12:29 AM

 

Quoting goddess99:

I would ask that he change the time frame so she can be there to see the baby.

 I would as well

HEAVNLI1
by on Jul. 7, 2012 at 6:53 AM

I'd want her there.... remember... you cannot get this moment back.

C.H.E.L.S.E.A
by on Jul. 7, 2012 at 9:45 AM

 I would ask him to change it to a few weeks after your due date. That way, your daughter can be there for the birth, but then you can also have a little time to enjoy your baby and get used to having a newborn again while your daughter is away.

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