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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Feeling alone.

Posted by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 4:20 PM
  • 5 Replies
OK I'm new to the group, so I'm just going to jump in!
Here's my delima.
My husband works full time and goes to school nights. I understand that time with him is going to be very limited, as I'm used to that because he was in the army, the problem with very limited together time, I feel DH spends more time with his friend/Co worker/classmate than he does his family. Example I was going to pick him up from break and go get ice cream with our kids. He agreed before he left home telling me a time to be there. I got there and he decided to eat lunch with his buddy instead of going with his family. Mind you he works with the guy 5 days a week and has all his classes with him 3 nights a week and also takes the Guy home after work and after
school. I've tried telling him how it made me feel, he seemed to 'understand' until the other night when he came home after work and school at 10:20 and I just asked casually what time he was let out he said 9:40, and there's a 30 minute gap when his work and school are a 5 minute drive from home. Come to find out he was hanging out with that Guy again for a little while. I don't mind him having friends but its like he's chosen his friend over his family! All he does after when he's home is shower and go to sleep. Idk what to do! Any advice?
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by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 4:20 PM
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by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 4:24 PM
Well, agreeing to that date and then standing you up is a huge problem. Start there. Tell him he agreed to that and you and your child took time out if your day to be there for him, but instead he put his friend before you. If you hadn't had a scheduled date you may have let it slide, but he clearly chose his friend before you and that is destructive behavior in a marriage.
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by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 4:27 PM

 Wow I have the oposite problem, my husband has no friends and wants to spend all his (spare) time with us. 
I say just sit down and discuss with him the issue and see if he is unhappy with his family.  Try not to get upset or make him feel bad, just discuss if there is anything you could do for him to want to be home more. 
Good luck!

by Lauren on Jul. 11, 2012 at 4:32 PM
Talk to him about it. Communication is the key,
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by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 4:50 PM

We have not only talked about it, we argued about it. And all he can say is what do you want me to quit my job and school to be home? Lose the house and we wont be able to take care of the kids.

by Marianne on Jul. 11, 2012 at 5:14 PM

 Well, usually in a situation like this, I like to recommend planning something ahead of time so that he knows he's spending time with you and the family. But you actually already did that and he blew you off. THAT would hurt me. And I'd let him know that. Don't accuse him of anything, or he won't listen and will just get defensive. But do talk about it and let him know how you're feeling. Tell him everything you told us, including the fact that you have no problem with him spending time with his friend(s) but you want to make sure he spends time with you and the family too. And the next time you plan something together, make sure he knows he must follow through. Good luck!

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