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Hubby works I'm a SAHM -whose money is it? (might be long)

Posted by on Jul. 14, 2012 at 12:26 AM
  • 97 Replies

Okay ladies I need some feedback. I am a SAHM to my DD who will be 3 yrs. old in two weeks. I had lost my job right before I got pregnant and once we found out I was pregnant and had our DD I just stayed home to take care of her. Which I love this job more than any job I ever had.

My husband works and has always worked since we've been together (4 years married 2 years). He would always joke that he pays for all the bills and everything. We are now currently purchasing our first home in two weeks and I feel like it's not mine and can't fully be happy. He says he jokes and I can't take a joke but I feel like it's not my house it's his. Because I'm not working and we owe money in credit cards (some in my name some in his) I couldn't appear on the mortgage so that doesn't help feeling like it's not mine. Once we close and are settled he will have to update the deed and add my name. But what if he really isn't joking and he does feel it's his money and home.

Those SAHM's who DH/SO works do you feel like it's their money or both your money? Does your DH/SO joke that he pays for everything? I am just being too sensitive?

by on Jul. 14, 2012 at 12:26 AM
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by on Jul. 14, 2012 at 12:29 AM

BOTH.  My husband still has his own account that I'm not on and it drives me nuts.  After so long of bugging him about putting me on the account I gave up feeling awkward or bad about asking for money.  I let him know that not only do I do most of the shopping for our son, but if we're out and about and I need to get him something to eat, to feed OUR son, I need to be able to do that.  So now I just ask him around payday for some cash to deposit in my account.  Period.  We both agreed that one of us would stay home with our son.  He actually lost his job right after our son was born and I had to go back to work.  I paid the bills... I missed a lot that first year and it killed me.  No way in hell I'm feeling bad about being home with him now!

by on Jul. 14, 2012 at 12:36 AM

Thanks for your input. He gives me his check and I put enough for the bills away, enough for gas for the both cars, spending money for him for the week and whatever we need for our daughter. I guess I just feel guilty  when he jokes. I did have my own money but used it to help him out when he owed money and it was getting tough to pay things. I guess I always just figured when your married everything is shared. That's how my parents are I just assumed that's how it is. Guess not

by on Jul. 14, 2012 at 12:37 AM

In my situation, it is both our money. I am a SAHM too and his paycheck is deposited directly into MY account...because he is terrible with money! For any spending outside of bills and groceries, we consult each other, even if it is just going to the movies or out to eat. Now, as far as the house goes, my grandfather out right gave ME our home. It is in MY name and is completely paid for. However, my husband pays for all the repairs and we recently spent $7000 in remodeling, so it is just as much HIS as it is MINE. I view it as his home too, only when we are fighting and usually jokingly do I ever say "This is my house buddy, you're the one who has to leave!" Truth is though, if it was a house we had bought ourselves, and he had paid for, I would still get it in a divorce, because we both believe the woman/mother should not have to uproot the children and make them move, and it goes without saying that I would have them most of the time so I should stay in the house. I'm sure your husband feels that any house he purchases is just as much yours as his, afterall you are the one who stays home and tends to it, and that counts every bit as much as paying the mortgage!

by on Jul. 14, 2012 at 12:39 AM
It's OUR money. Like I tell DH, he may make the money...but it's me that makes sure everything gets paid on time. If he wanted to pull that crap (joking or not) it wouldn't fly with me. I would just forget to pay his cell phone or forget to pay his truck. Lol.
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by on Jul. 14, 2012 at 2:04 AM
It's our money. I have a debit card with my name on it and use it when needed.
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by on Jul. 14, 2012 at 2:06 AM
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I feel guilty that I don't work and have my SO constantly assure me it's ok and it's our money. I don't know

by Silver Member on Jul. 14, 2012 at 4:46 AM

It's the family paycheck,tell him to quit with the jokes,it hurts your feelings. And make sure you get your name on the house asap.

by on Jul. 14, 2012 at 4:49 AM
by on Jul. 14, 2012 at 4:52 AM
No DF never jokes, we both work though but his Money is always my & DS money anyway lol!!!!!
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by on Jul. 14, 2012 at 4:52 AM
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In our family, it is our money.  I manage our family money.  In fact, we live in a community property state.

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