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My fiance has not told his parents that we are engaged. Its has been a month. help

Posted by on Jul. 16, 2012 at 10:02 AM
  • 16 Replies

My fiance has been together for a couple of years. We had one break up for 3months. He came back to me to tell me how much he is in love with me and want to marry me. I had made him hung out with me for four months before we got engaged. He was married before and divorce about 10 years ago. His son is 13 and he is a full time father. I have a 3years old son full time too. We did went through hell and heaven. What I dont understand is that even though he had already talked to his parents about getting married again and his mother has a great disapproval since his first marriage was a failure. I know that his father does accept me but i am not sure how he feels about us getting marry. He is 35 and I am 27. I was never married before and expected a happy or exciting planning for our wedding. But had a buzz killed, when a couple of places that i had checked out. He didnt liked it, either it was to far or he didn't like the location. Before the engagement, he was always talking about our future together and goals. But recently he seem to have shut down. He is a project manager at the bp refinery. He had told me that we are cover financially but then complains about not having money. His parent had upset him on saturday, i dont know if he is hiding info from me. I do feel like he is. He said the reason why he didnt tell his parent is because they will ruin something that should be happy moment. So, he rather for them to figure it himself. I shouldnt worry about it, that he has it under control.

by on Jul. 16, 2012 at 10:02 AM
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by on Jul. 16, 2012 at 10:28 AM
Ummm... Idk. I'd be mad if my df didn't tell his parents. Tell him y'all need to talk about it. The way your feeling will less to resentment if not resolved.
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by on Jul. 16, 2012 at 12:23 PM

I would not care.  He may have his reasons.

by Member on Jul. 16, 2012 at 12:27 PM

His parents if he doesn't want to tell them it is his choice not to!

by on Jul. 16, 2012 at 12:27 PM
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Communication. Start now before you get married. Cause you two aren't communicating about what's going on in your heads. Be a team.
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by Bianca Lina on Jul. 16, 2012 at 12:32 PM
Id try to find out the "whys" to it. But I wouldn't care if they cared. Id just want to know what's DF's deal
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by on Jul. 16, 2012 at 12:33 PM
I would feel like theres a reasoning behind it that he doesn't want me to know abt.
Just ask him y, otherwise ull go crazy
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by on Jul. 16, 2012 at 1:32 PM
Open communication is key to a happy marriage. Talk to him about it. Express your concerns and encourage him to do the same. Listen to each other and be understanding.
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by on Jul. 16, 2012 at 2:22 PM

You guyz need to hold off on the wedding plans until you guyz can communicate better.  This "marriage" already sounds doomed if you cant start talkin to each other.  I dont think he is hiding anything bad and i understand that if his parents disapprove that can hamper him wanting to share the good news.  But than i guess will he never tell his parents when you guyz get married?  I know your SO will be sad that his parents dont approve of you or his marriage, but everyone needs to "get over it" and move on.  Probably 90 percent of marriages are where in laws dont like their childrens spouses.  (LOL!  Just guessin here, but i dont like my inlaws).  COMMUNICATE, get married, and move on!

by Kendall on Jul. 16, 2012 at 2:25 PM
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Okay first off, I wouldn't be to concerned that he hasn't told his mom yet.  My husband didn't tell his mom that we were getting married until 2 months before the wedding.  Seriously.  I had the venue, the dress, bought the invitations..  I told him, "I'm going to mail this out in about a month, so you might want to get to telling your mom you're getting married hun."  I knew that he was nervous about telling his parents.  It was a 2nd marriage for him also.  Eventually she's going to find out.  I'd give him time to work through his feelings on that.  It's only been a month since he's proposed.

Second..  from what I hear, ALL MEN flip out about the cost.  My husband was the one that wanted to get married RIGHT THEN.  He was all about marriage, family..  the whole 9 yards.  He proposed, he was jumping over the moon with happiness.  Then I bought the dress.  And OMGosh he was freaking out.  The dress, I guess in his mind, cemented that it was really happening.  He flipped out for a few days.  We discussed NOT getting married and I told him I'd take the dress back.  "Oh no!!  We're not doing that.  We're getting married dammit!  Just give me a couple of days to process."  Okay then..  haha.

8 years later..  :)  We're happy.  Everything will work out sweetie.  I'm sorry this has been long.  I just though you might benefit from my personal experience.  (hugs)

by on Jul. 16, 2012 at 4:56 PM
Thank you every body. He seems like he don't want to talk about the marriage recently. So, even though this whole idea was his. How can he get cold feet?
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