So, I have to vent a little bit because it's making me crazy and I'm not sure how to deal with it - so maybe some of you have some ideas or input or whatever.....
I have a younger sister. Her and I have never been overly close, but we're sisters, so I figure we just get through life and try to have a decent relationship. She married a hunk of a loser, which is difficult for my husband and I to watch. I got her a job in real estate about 14 years ago and she's been very successful with it. This guy she's married to, when she met him, worked at Macy's as a sales clerk. Since they've been together (7 years now), he's moved up the ladder a little bit - he then worked at a pizza parlor making pizza's, then he got a great job at UPS but because of the hours he quit (biggest mistake ever!), and now he drives limo's. What is bothering me about this is that he refuses to work. Not that this is my gripe, but just so you have an understanding of our relationships here. Anyway, my husband is a commercial driver and has told my BIL to get his license so he could get a good paying job so everything doesn't fall on my sister, but this guy refuses to do anything more than what he has to do. It's quite frustrating - and my mom and stepdad spoil him and my sister rotten, which is very annoying to me. Unfortunately I recently found out that my mom paid for a lawsuit my sister got into on her job, to the tune of $50k, and about a year ago when I got laid off, I asked my mom to borrow $3k to pay off my truck so I wouldn't have to worry about losing it, and she told me no. Whatever....
So here's the thing. My sister has NEVER been nice to me. Let me give you a few examples of why I say this:
One time we went to her house - my hubby, his best friend, and myself, as my sister had just bought a house & she wanted some can lights put in, and my hubby's best friend is an electrician, so we took our motorhome down there and stayed in the driveway in our motorhome, as my hubby and his bf worked on her house. That night we're sitting in the driveway, all of us just talking, and my sister had WAY too much to drink (which is par for the course for her) and she started saying nasty things to me and said that I was a witch and then asked if I wanted to hear the ringtone from her phone that she hears when I call...I didn't, but she played it anyway...guess what song it was..."Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead"...yea...nice right? My hubby, nor his bf, nor myself, found it to be funny at all, and then she went into a tirade about how I'm a loser and I haven't done anything productive (keep in mind, I GOT her the job she had, and we were both in the same business until I got laid off last year), added to this, I've been with my husband since high school, we got married 2 years after I graduated, and 2 years after that, we bought a home, and we've both worked our butts off for everything we've ever had. My mom and stepdad gave my sister her first 2 cars - and then helped pay for her to get into her first condo...and I'M the one that hasn't done anything productive??
Next example: She has a friend that doesn't like me, and the feeling is mutual. This friend of hers was at a party (again, where too many idiots were drinking) and I was putting our 2 year old to sleep (he was 2 at the time), and he was putting up a fit, and this friend of my sister's came inside the house and told me what a horrible mother I was and what a crappy sister I was and I was like...what is going on here? I grabbed my stuff, packed my car, and left the house - leaving my hubby in the backyard with all the guys. My aunt and stepmom were there and called me asking me to come back, so I did, and when I did, we were in the front yard talking, and this friend of hers came out and was screaming at me in the front yard the exact same things she'd said to me earlier, and my aunt and stepmom told her to go away and get in the house and eventually my sister came out, and when I told her the awful things her "friend" said to me, she had NOTHING to say about it. I was left wondering what the heck I'd done so wrong!!! I stayed the night, but didn't go back to the house til everyone was gone, and I got up the next morning and my sister had absolutely nothing to say to me. We left.
We currently live on 2.5 acres in Southern California. We've asked my sister to come visit us, bring out my nephews so they can run around with our son (with our house, we bought the 5 acres next door, so the kids can run around to their hearts content!) We have dirtbikes, a huge swingset/playset/rock climbing wall for the kids, a big trampoline, and a swimming pool - it's not like we're not set up for kids. When she does come out here, all she does is complain that we're "white trash" and that she can't understand how we "live in all this dirt"....um...we have an 1800 square foot home, 4 bedrooms, 2 bath, 2 car garage, and we don't "live" in the dirt. She's told me that where we live at can never be clean according to her standards because of all the dirt that we live on. She's done nothing but say mean things to me about our home and I'm sick of it. I love our home and we think that our son has a lot of benefits of living here instead of L.A., where she lives, where we've been at their house and there are helicopters hovering over her house looking for criminals!!!! Yea, our neighbors across the street have lived up here for 40 years and they've NEVER had one break in up here!!! Yea, I'm sorry - who lives in the ghetto?? Not me.
Well, then there's the baby shower I gave her in 2007. My nephew was being born, it was so exciting!!! I was so excited! After 3 miscarriages and 2 ectopic pregnancies, I was told I'd never have kids, and my hubby and I were accepting of that, so when we found out my sister was pregnant, we were ECSTATIC!! I'd asked my sister if there was any way possible that I could be in the delivery room with her because I was just so excited....and she tells me that because "she was worried my mom and I would fight over who could be in the delivery room, she'd just decided to have a c-section instead"....and what really pissed me off about this is that my mom lives 1000 miles away from us and was not going to be there for the delivery of the baby, so I had no idea what the problem was. I decided to move past what she'd told me because I thought maybe she was just scared to deliver - and I offered to throw her baby shower for her....it was the worst thing I ever did! I'm all up for surprising people and doing the coolest funnest things, and she had to know EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY DETAIL of everything I was doing, because she said "she'd be pissed off if it wasn't perfect"...and that hurt my feelings. I've thrown my friend's baby showers before and have always had such good times, and my friends absolutely loved them, so I know it was something I could do without her approval. Anyway, she nitpicked me for months about what I was going to do for this and that, and finally I was so frustrated, that I enlisted my aunt and stepmom to help me out, because I'm 100 miles away from her, and all the running down there was wearing me out, so since my aunt and stepmom were right around the corner from her, they helped me with stuff that she had to approve of before I could do it. I was so burned out, and we hadn't even had the baby shower yet. The day of the shower arrives, and she didn't act grateful, or happy, or anything except miserable. I wanted to take pictures with her, and she got all pissed off at me because she said she was so fat and didn't want to be in any pictures!!! NO KIDDING, YOU'RE PREGNANT!!! My sister is VERY VERY, RIDICULOUSLY VAIN!!! If she's not prim and proper in a picture, she'll make you delete it or she'll hound you until you do. The day finally ended and I drove to my dad's house and had a night of drinks with my dad and stepmom in the jacuzzi...I was exhausted, and my dad and stepmom knew why!
Then, last year they came out for my hubby's birthday. We took a bunch of super cute pictures with all the boys (her two sons and my son) and then pics with the kids and the dad's, then a few pics of her and I together, they were really cute. Anyway, I posted some to Facebook and that was that. Well, at Christmas last year, I was taking pics because my brother, who is a jailbird and I haven't seen since before my son was born in 2008, was going to be there, so I was taking pictures like crazy of us all. My mom and stepdad were in town from Utah and we had a good time...or so I thought. My FIL ended up having a heart attack, so on Christmas Eve Day, while my sister and mom and I and our boys were out shopping for last minute goodies for the kids, I get a call from hubby that my BIL was taking him to the hospital to see his dad. Later that night my hubby got home, and we were all talking, and I was taking pics, and my sister and BIL kept saying how I was taking all these pics to put on Facebook and that all I do is put bad pics of people on my FB page - I was like, what?? I didn't say anything to them at that point except that I had no idea what they were talking about, and they'd said it 2 or 3 times just that night alone. Everyone ended up going to bed, and myself, my hubby, my sister and BIL were getting all the presents set up for the boys, and my sister had a complete melt down, yelling and screaming at my BIL because he didn't put the presents on the hearth like she'd wanted him to, but instead did it his own way!! Both my hubby and I were like - what is going on???? It continued and continued, and we felt bad for my BIL, and then eventually my hubby and I just decided to keep quiet and get everything done - she'd completely ruined Christmas Eve for all of us - and then of course when we just do what we have to do so we can get to bed, she yells at my hubby and I - so we were like, screw it, we finished, then went out to our motorhome and went to sleep. The next day, again, all she did was talk about the pics and FB, and she kept hounding and hounding me. I'd had it. We packed everything up and left, and then headed to the hospital where my FIL was at to go see him, then we headed home to do our Christmas at home.
In February my sister and I finally discussed what happened at Christmas, she said she was upset at my BIL for the way he did things his own way without asking her, and I told her that was a lame excuse to ruin everyone's Christmas Eve - then I asked her why she'd talked so much smack to me at Christmas over pics on FB...come to find out, SHE didn't like the pics that were taken of us all at my hubby's birthday in October, and she didn't appreciate that I'd posted them on FB, and they were adorable pics...here's one of them...
I'm the one on the left - if anyone looks bad, it'd be me - no makeup! LOL! But who cares, she's my sister and I love her and thought they were cute pictures!
Anyway, I was so upset after Christmas that I took her and my BIL off my FB so they wouldn't get upset over seeing any of my posts or pics or anything. When I discussed this with her, I told her that our family and friends that don't get to see us very often love that I post pics so they can stay in touch with us (after all, isn't that what FB is for?!?!) I told her that I'd removed her from my FB and she said "I know" and I said "that's really a sad thing that you're upset over pics that I thought were great sister pictures, and now you won't get to see your nephew except when we see you in person" and she said she didn't care, so we left it at that. Things have been very very tense since then.
We went down there for my nephew's birthday in January - after all, irregardless of how I feel about my sister, life revolves around our son and my nephews, so we went down there for that. My sister was nowhere to be found on my birthday in February. We went to her house again about 2 weeks ago for my younger nephew's birthday party, and again, it was a rotten time. My husband got ridiculously drunk and basically told everyone where to shove it (well, my BIL, sister and my BIL's father who was talking crap about how far out we live) - between myself and my husband, we've had it.
Now, my sister is pregnant again, having another c-section, and I did not volunteer to do her baby shower. My sister seems to thrive on drama and any she can create she loves it. I've told my sister that my MIL and I have been having some major issues again (she's freakin kookoo!) and what does she do??? My aunts throw her a baby shower, and today my MIL called my hubby and told her that she was going this weekend. Now, keep this in mind, for the last few weeks I've known about this baby shower, I've told myself I wasn't going to go. I have no desire to go. My sister is a miserable person and it is heightened when pregnant, and now my MIL is going to be there as well? Someone may as well shove hot pokers in my eyeballs!!!!!
I've told my hubby I just don't want to go. I'm not even sure I want a relationship with my sister anymore because I'm just done being a doormat. All my life, it's always been "be the bigger person", and that's what I tend to do, and no matter how many times I do it, I just get kicked in the teeth again and again and again. It's soooooooooooo frustrating!!!!
I don't know what to do. I told my hubby I'm not going this weekend. I didn't want to go originally and now knowing I'll have to deal with my MIL on top of my sister and her crappy friends??? I'm really just not sure this is a healthy environment to put myself in......
Sorry so long....I'm really really upset..... :(