Ok, so my boyfriend and I have a child, nine months old today.. I'm going to try to keep this simple and to the point ..First, we have been together 2 years, second, he is 43 i'm going on 23 in two months. He has been divorced over ten years ago it only lasted 4 months. I was talking to him tonight and was basically like " do u think there is ever an option of us getting married? If you dont want to, i completely understand given your past history , but its on my mind so i have to ask. sorry if i freaked you out." He gets irritated and says "yeah good job ya freaked me out. Im going to bed now." I 'm just like "ok??? Sorry but i need to know bc I dont want our child telling people his parents are boyfriend and girlfriend the rest of his days" He says "we are mommy and daddy to him, and u dont need to worry about things like that" I'm like "i'm not saying anytime soon , just wanna know if its something you've ruled out or its an option one day" He says "Goodnight i'm going to bed."
Now ..
My question is...Should I have not brought up this subject? should I apologize? I just dont know how to handle this? Im not sure how I feel about it? i've never had the opportunity to be married so of course i want that one day. We have an amazing relationship as far as we do honestly love each other. He takes care of me and our child to the fullest so of course I do "bow down to him" so to speak But I cant help but think "whats the point" is this a dead end relationship or should I be content with the fact of never being married?
Quoting MrsApple:Don't apologize.You have every right to ask where he sees your relationship going.Just give him some time.It probably just freaked him out and he needs some time to get his thoughts straight.
Quoting Sagely:Doesn't sound to me like you did or said anything worth apologizing for. You have a child together. Marriage should be a conversation that you have so that you can mutually agree on the status of your relationship.
I would be upset that he avoided the conversation completely. I believe you have a right to know his future intentions...if he thinks maybe one day you might go through with it or if it's out of the question so that you can make an informed decision to stick it out or get out.
Of course you keep talking about it. He keeps blowing you off so you're not getting any answers.
I think you have every right to see what he wants in your relationship.
Just because he was married before and it didn't work out, doesn't mean he should never marry again.
If you want a marriage then he needs to stop acting like an ass and discuss it. If he doesn't want to ever get married again, then he needs to tell you now so YOU can decide if you're okay with that.
He needs a swift clue-by-four upside the head for not being man enough to finish a conversation properly, whether he likes the topic or not. That is disrespectful, juvenile bullshit. I'd work on that first, before trying to get him to marry you. If he can't handle a distasteful convo, then he can't handle marriage, because there are times when marriage is full of convos that just suck.
you have every right to ask, he is the one with the commitment issue , an if its not going to be a option you should know , so that you can plan accordingly
if marriage is something you want an he doesnt i call that a deal breaker,
IMO, he's letting you know that marriage definately isn't on his mind. I could see if he was 23 and you asked him that question but at 43 hell no he knows the answer and he doesn't want to answer you because ofthe consequences. He knows that if he tells you that he never plans on marrying you that you'll eventually leave and sue his ass for CS, plain and simple. You need to really sit down and think about it long and hard. So what he was only maried for 4 months, how long was he with this person? That to me says a lot.
You said that he takes care of you and your child, meaning what? You're a SAHM? So, are you willing to remain in limbo just to stay home with your child? Sounds like it's time to prioritize. He never even attempted to have the conversation at all and to me that tells me where his head is at. You'll be 43 and he'll be 63 then he'll want to marry you, by then you're child will be grown.
Does your DH/SO....
Who do you love more,your husband or kids
- BABYE1022
on Jul. 23, 2012 at 1:58 AM