Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

DH Depression

Posted by on Jul. 24, 2012 at 11:44 AM
  • 2 Replies

 I posted something about this in my June 2011 group too... but I figured I might get a better response in a group more geared towards these kinds of issues.

I believe that DH has been dealing with depression for a while now. He's not very open to the idea, however, and either brushes it off or tells me we can't afford therapy (which is partly true, we don't have a lot of extra money but I think we could squeeze in copayments). He has a lot of the symptoms commonly seen in men who are diagnosed, so even though he "doesn't feel sad" I think his frustration with so many things and his frequent anger are clear signs that he's dealing with something more than everyday emotions. He's broken things out of anger (never has hurt a person or animal, though, thank goodness).

I would say that 90% of the things he says (or types ala txt/gchat) are negative. It's incredibly hard for me, someone who HAS been diagnosed with a depressive disorder) to be around someone like that and to hear these kinds of things all the time. I try to be in a good mood, but it's really difficult when the other adult in the house is constantly complaining. I've tried to address this, but he responds by telling me "Well I just won't talk about my feelings anymore," and then of course I feel like shit because I want my husband to be able to talk to me. When I try to address the fact that his bad moods are causing issues, he blames them on me because I am sometimes in a bad mood myself and obviously my bad mood was bleeding over to him.

I love him and I want to help him, but I also want what's best for our daughter. I don't want her growing up wondering if it's her fault daddy is angry. I don't know if I can expect him to change without help, but he's resisting getting help. He's not taking care of himself, and if he doesn't do that how can I expect him to make an effort to take care of his family?

I feel really lost and alone right now. Hoping for some ideas and support from you ladies.

CafeMom Tickers
by on Jul. 24, 2012 at 11:44 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-2):
marie2409
by Member on Jul. 24, 2012 at 2:25 PM

 He has to get help, at least meds, that would be a good start to give him the motivation he needs to go to therapy.  It WILL NOT just go away, ever without help.  Maybe you should consider also getting help, if you aren't already.  From what I have seen, unless you both get help, you will continue to bring each other down and feed off each others bad moods.  Also that may motivate him to get help.

I applaud you for recognizing this isn't the best scenerio for your daughter.  I wish I could offer more advice on how you can get him to get help. 

tessamalk
by on Jul. 24, 2012 at 5:28 PM

I do have my issues, but therapy won't help me unless he makes some changes as well--I'll end up right back at square one. I've been in and out over the past several years as needed.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)