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 so my Husband and I are in the beginnings of talking about the possibility of adopting. I haven't been able to do much research yet.. but wanted to get some advice.. or if you have an experience to share (what kind of adoption you have, the age of the child when you adopted, etc.)

 

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by on Jul. 25, 2012 at 9:54 AM
Replies (11-19):
AnGLInterrupted
by Kendall on Jul. 25, 2012 at 2:15 PM

We found out about Madison through a friend of ours.  We met her and the birth mother and called an attorney who walked us through everything.  So we didn't go through an agency and we didn't really go through the state either.

Our process took right at 3 years.  We brought her home on June 29th, 2007.  The adoption was finalized on August 24th, 2010.  But the reason it took so long was because not only did we move during the process, we moved to another county, so we had to switch courts.  Lucky for us our attorney was licensed in both counties.  My recommendation, don't move during the process LOL.  Even if you stay in the county, every time you move or something like that, the paperwork has to be corrected and re-filed.

We found out about Madison, met the birth mother & Madison and made sure everyone was 100% on board, then we called an attorney who advised us to pick up the child and take her into our home.  A couple of weeks later we filed to have parental rights terminated, the birth mother & father signed over rights and 60 days after that they were terminated permanently.

When we were in the process of filing the adoption paperwork DH and I had to move to another city & county which delayed things a bit.  We held of on pushing for it for several months until we were situated then we had to filed in the new county and start from square 1.

It took awhile to get an appointment for a home study because they are really backed up.  We had our home study, our background checks and were finger printed.  We paid our attorney's fees, court costs, for the home study and finger printing.  We paid for an attorney ad litem (for the child's behalf) as well.  We were able to recover most of those costs through the adoption tax credit the next year (worth it even if there wasn't a tax credit though IMO).

After the home study it was about 6 months and we had a court date.  :)

I have no idea what the process is when you go through the system.  I would imagine it's not too different.  There's different paperwork and proceedings for every different type of adoption; private, open, grandparent, step-parent..  etc.  And it's different in every state as far as I know.


Have you done any web searches for agencies in your area?

-mrs.mamma-
by on Jul. 25, 2012 at 2:22 PM
No, I haven't researched it much. We just brought up the idea last weekend. And my days are pretty chaotic, lol, so I really haven't looked into it much.
I'm still leary of the idea.. and somewhat scared. But still think it would be a wonderful option for us to look into.
One thing that I'm fearful of.. does your daughter know she's adopted? And how doI you plan/did youI tell her? I think that's my biggest hump..
Really hope that's not too personal :-/
Thanks so much for sharing.


Quoting AnGLInterrupted:

We found out about Madison through a friend of ours.  We met her and the birth mother and called an attorney who walked us through everything.  So we didn't go through an agency and we didn't really go through the state either.

Our process took right at 3 years.  We brought her home on June 29th, 2007.  The adoption was finalized on August 24th, 2010.  But the reason it took so long was because not only did we move during the process, we moved to another county, so we had to switch courts.  Lucky for us our attorney was licensed in both counties.  My recommendation, don't move during the process LOL.  Even if you stay in the county, every time you move or something like that, the paperwork has to be corrected and re-filed.

We found out about Madison, met the birth mother & Madison and made sure everyone was 100% on board, then we called an attorney who advised us to pick up the child and take her into our home.  A couple of weeks later we filed to have parental rights terminated, the birth mother & father signed over rights and 60 days after that they were terminated permanently.

When we were in the process of filing the adoption paperwork DH and I had to move to another city & county which delayed things a bit.  We held of on pushing for it for several months until we were situated then we had to filed in the new county and start from square 1.

It took awhile to get an appointment for a home study because they are really backed up.  We had our home study, our background checks and were finger printed.  We paid our attorney's fees, court costs, for the home study and finger printing.  We paid for an attorney ad litem (for the child's behalf) as well.  We were able to recover most of those costs through the adoption tax credit the next year (worth it even if there wasn't a tax credit though IMO).

After the home study it was about 6 months and we had a court date.  :)

I have no idea what the process is when you go through the system.  I would imagine it's not too different.  There's different paperwork and proceedings for every different type of adoption; private, open, grandparent, step-parent..  etc.  And it's different in every state as far as I know.


Have you done any web searches for agencies in your area?

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
AnGLInterrupted
by Kendall on Jul. 25, 2012 at 5:03 PM
1 mom liked this

Yes she knows she's adopted.  We've never kept it from her and have always been open on the subject.  I refused for it to be a situation where we spent 18+ years keeping it from her and then she accidentally found out and was angry/depressed about it.  She often asks us to tell her "my story" at bed time.  We tell her as much as we think she'll understand at 5 years old.  Each year we tell her a little more.  I have pictures on my computer to show her in case she gets curious one day and I'm sure she will.  We've embraced the adoption instead of trying to hide it.  :)

And no, it's not too personal.  :)


Quoting -mrs.mamma-:

No, I haven't researched it much. We just brought up the idea last weekend. And my days are pretty chaotic, lol, so I really haven't looked into it much.
I'm still leary of the idea.. and somewhat scared. But still think it would be a wonderful option for us to look into.
One thing that I'm fearful of.. does your daughter know she's adopted? And how doI you plan/did youI tell her? I think that's my biggest hump..
Really hope that's not too personal :-/
Thanks so much for sharing.


Quoting AnGLInterrupted:

We found out about Madison through a friend of ours.  We met her and the birth mother and called an attorney who walked us through everything.  So we didn't go through an agency and we didn't really go through the state either.

Our process took right at 3 years.  We brought her home on June 29th, 2007.  The adoption was finalized on August 24th, 2010.  But the reason it took so long was because not only did we move during the process, we moved to another county, so we had to switch courts.  Lucky for us our attorney was licensed in both counties.  My recommendation, don't move during the process LOL.  Even if you stay in the county, every time you move or something like that, the paperwork has to be corrected and re-filed.

We found out about Madison, met the birth mother & Madison and made sure everyone was 100% on board, then we called an attorney who advised us to pick up the child and take her into our home.  A couple of weeks later we filed to have parental rights terminated, the birth mother & father signed over rights and 60 days after that they were terminated permanently.

When we were in the process of filing the adoption paperwork DH and I had to move to another city & county which delayed things a bit.  We held of on pushing for it for several months until we were situated then we had to filed in the new county and start from square 1.

It took awhile to get an appointment for a home study because they are really backed up.  We had our home study, our background checks and were finger printed.  We paid our attorney's fees, court costs, for the home study and finger printing.  We paid for an attorney ad litem (for the child's behalf) as well.  We were able to recover most of those costs through the adoption tax credit the next year (worth it even if there wasn't a tax credit though IMO).

After the home study it was about 6 months and we had a court date.  :)

I have no idea what the process is when you go through the system.  I would imagine it's not too different.  There's different paperwork and proceedings for every different type of adoption; private, open, grandparent, step-parent..  etc.  And it's different in every state as far as I know.


Have you done any web searches for agencies in your area?


AlannaMaria
by Alanna on Jul. 25, 2012 at 6:20 PM
Bump :)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
steffers96
by on Jul. 25, 2012 at 8:54 PM

Our son is adopted. We had a friend that went through an agency and paid a gob of money to do her adoption. I remember she came back from Pennsylvania with her son, and she called us a few weeks later and asked if we'd be interested in adopting (I have endometriosis and after 13 years of marriage, 3 miscarriages, and 2 ectopic pregnancies was told that the odds of me actually delivering were few and far between), but we'd looked into adoption before and couldn't afford to do it. Anyway, my friend called and asked if we'd be interested or if we'd given up - of course I told her we'd be interested. Come to find out, her son's birth mother had a friend who was pregnant but didn't want to go through the hassle of dealing with an agency and all that other stuff, so we made contact with her and talked by phone for several weeks. She told us she'd had another family she was also considering but she wanted to see another couple as well. She wanted to come to California to meet us, see where we live, and just watch my hubby and I interact for a few days - well - she wanted us to fly her out here and she wanted to stay for a week. I was a bit freaked out because, I mean, let's face it, I'm bringing someone into our home based upon a phone call and paying for her to fly here??? Well, on a leap of faith, I did it, and we drove to the airport to pick her up. She was very pregnant, and very disheveled. We took her home and we talked for awhile, but she pretty much slept the entire way to our house, which was over a 2 hour drive.

She was fine for a few days, and we'd scheduled an ultrasound - she'd told us it was a boy but we wanted a 3D-4D ultrasound done so we could see him, and so she was very agreeable to do that. We have a pool, so she basically swam, and ate, and wanted her hair done and her nails done and wanted basically to be pampered. I took her everywhere to have all this stuff done, and I was working full time at that time but managed to get some time off work during this week to spend the time with her. By Wednesday (the day of the ultrasound) she was getting very fidgety. We couldn't figure out why. Then all of the sudden she'd called me that day at work and told me she'd wanted me to fly her home immeditely. I told her there was no way for me to do that, and that she was the one that wanted to spend a week here - we'd originally only offered her a few days, but she pressed me and pressed me to stay here a week, so we gave in. Anyway, I came home and she was FREAKING OUT, so I called my hubby and had him come home. My hubby is someone that, when we met in high school, was a druggie. He wasn't on it but a few years, but still, he knows the signs, and he said that he KNEW she was on something, which really had me worried for the baby. Anyway, she was screaming and carrying on, and all of the sudden she wanted to take a bath. She was in our guest bedroom that has it's own bath, so she took a bath, and I had to interupt her to ask if she was still willing to do the ultrasound because it was THAT afternoon - she said yes. We did end up getting to see our precious boy, and it was so wonderful. We took her to a nice dinner afterwards and then went home. She seemed fine the rest of the time she was there.

When she went home, we paid for her cell phone, hell, I even bailed her butt out of jail!!! We paid for new clothes for her and a few other things, but in comparison to going through an agency, the cost was NOWHERE near that cost. When she went home, I felt like a piece of me went with her. She called me every morning to let me know how she was doing - I knew she was still debating which of us to let have the baby. Then about two weeks after she'd gone home, she called to let me know that she wanted us to have the baby, so she told me to get a lawyer and get the paperwork started, so we did, and she was more than cooperative in getting everything completed and sent back to me, and she had to track down one of the guys she thought was the dad (come to find out she was a prostitute and really wasn't completely sure who the father was), so we had the guy who she thought it was sign off on everything. It was hard at times, the process wasn't easy - I could tell when she was high because she'd call me demanding money or this and that, but she would get herself clean before her dr visits because we set up arrangements with her dr in Pennsylvania to allow us access to her medical records and because she was on state assistance, she had to be drug/alcohol tested. She was always clean, so we just think that she made sure she was clean for her testing.

Then, on the morning of August 13th, 2008, at 4:17am, we got the call that she was in labor!!! We jumped up, got on the first plane to Pennsylvania, and 15 hours later (2 layovers), we finally were able to see our son for the first time....he's the most beautiful little creature I've ever seen in my life!!!

Unfortunately, my MIL ruined my experience for me, and not only that, come to find out, after they released her from the hospital, we found out that he was born with traces of marijuana in his system, and in Pennsylvania, they won't allow us to prosecute like they do here in California, so they basically let her walk out of the hospital the next day, and I'd talked with her and was planning on meeting up with her to go buy some post pregnancy clothes for her, and then she left, and the dr pulled myself and hubby into his office and told us that our son had the traces of pot in his little system, and that he was not peeing or pooping and they wanted to keep him for a few days to monitor him, plus he was a preemie when he was born. I was FURIOUS at her for the drugs, I mean, I wanted to KILL this girl!!!! BUT...because I was so just wanting to get her to sign the final papers and be done with her, I kept my composure. They released our son 2 days after he was born and said that the traces were already out of his system and said that he was eating, peeing and pooping just fine. We had to stay in Pennsylvania for over a week because of their laws there, and 5 days after the birth, she had to meet up with us again to sign the final papers. We called her and called her to remind her, but she wasn't answering her phone nor was she calling us back. I really began to get nervous and worried. Finally she'd called me back and said that the baby was ours and she didnt want anything else to do with him or with us and I told her about the additional papers I had to have her sign and she kind of argued with me about it, so our social worker that was in PA was with us and she got on the phone and told her of the PA laws there - she still hemmed and hawed, so I offered her $500 to be there the next day at noon. The next day came, and so did noon, and she did not show up. I was hysterical and very nervous. She finally showed up, an hour and a half late, and strung out of her mind!! I gave her the $500, and we had agreed to keep in contact and that I would send her pictures and stuff like that, but it was not really considered an open adoption, it was just a verbal agreement between her and us.

The first year, I kept up my end of things. We sent her pictures and status updates every few months, and then all of the sudden when he was about 9 months old, she began calling me in a drugged up frenzy about how she wanted more money. Well, we'd already told her that after our son was born, she wasn't getting anything else from us because all of our resources would be poured into our son - we immediately set up college funds and family trusts and the whole nine yards - we werent ponying up another dime. Well the calls got more frequent, and more obnoxious. I called the social worker in PA to discuss with her and she said that she had no right to call me and harrass me like that. I was worried she could try to undo the adoption, but the social worker there and our attorney here said there was no way she could do that, furthermore, even if she tried, with the drugs found in her system and the two recent arrests she'd had, she didn't stand a chance at getting him from us. We were quite relieved about that. Anyway, she began calling me so much telling me that she'd been arrested and needed money to be bailed out, then said that her boyfriend kicked her out of the house and she needed a place to stay, she was totally coked out. The social worker in PA (who is still to this day a VERY dear friend of ours, and who has the BEST heart of anyone I know) went to see her at a hotel - she brought her bags of groceries and a Walmart gift card, the whole nine yards, come to find out, her boyfriend was with her at the hotel, and furthermore, she was pregnant again!!! Come to find out she'd got pregnant 3 months after she had our son, and according to what I know, she decided to keep the baby. We finally cut off all communication with her when she decided to threaten us. We filed police reports against her because if she ever tried to take us to court, we wanted proof of what was going on. What should've been something that was wonderful, turned into something so awful. I can honestly say, I don't have very many good memories of the whole thing. I was always so stressed out and getting gobs of phone calls from her always had me on edge because I never knew what type of mood she was going to be in. Our son was a bit over a year old when the adoption was completed and I couldn't have been more thankful if I tried.

Even through all the bad things I had to deal with, there are so many blessings that came from it. First off, the obvious - we have THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL, SMART, FUNNY little boy in the world who we adore more than anything or anyone in this world!!! Secondly, we made some lifelong friends - one of the nurses at the hospital who helped us with our son every day he was at the hospital, we are dear friends with her. The social worker that we hired and helped us, she LOVES our son, LOVES us, and she sends our son US Bonds every year for his birthday and for Christmas, sends us birthday cards, Christmas cards, and has even offered to allow us to come stay with her to visit. Her and her husband are truly the most wonderful people.

It's hard - adoption is not something I would've done if I'd have been able to have my own children, but I know that God had a plan for my life - I now know the reason I wasnt able to have children, because God knew that our son was going to need a loving mommy and daddy, and that was to be us!!!

Thankfully, our son has no physical or mental problems because of anything stupid she did during her pregnancy. We couldn't be more thankful and more blessed for this!!! We have no idea of all what she was on, but we know it was something.

Good luck to you!

Cafe Steph
by Head Admin on Jul. 25, 2012 at 9:06 PM

You should also check out this group, too:

-mrs.mamma-
by on Jul. 26, 2012 at 8:55 AM
1 mom liked this
That is a lot to go through, but agree that it was part of your plan. Glad you find so many blessings in your experience!
Hugs & thanks for sharing!


Quoting steffers96:

Our son is adopted. We had a friend that went through an agency and paid a gob of money to do her adoption. I remember she came back from Pennsylvania with her son, and she called us a few weeks later and asked if we'd be interested in adopting (I have endometriosis and after 13 years of marriage, 3 miscarriages, and 2 ectopic pregnancies was told that the odds of me actually delivering were few and far between), but we'd looked into adoption before and couldn't afford to do it. Anyway, my friend called and asked if we'd be interested or if we'd given up - of course I told her we'd be interested. Come to find out, her son's birth mother had a friend who was pregnant but didn't want to go through the hassle of dealing with an agency and all that other stuff, so we made contact with her and talked by phone for several weeks. She told us she'd had another family she was also considering but she wanted to see another couple as well. She wanted to come to California to meet us, see where we live, and just watch my hubby and I interact for a few days - well - she wanted us to fly her out here and she wanted to stay for a week. I was a bit freaked out because, I mean, let's face it, I'm bringing someone into our home based upon a phone call and paying for her to fly here??? Well, on a leap of faith, I did it, and we drove to the airport to pick her up. She was very pregnant, and very disheveled. We took her home and we talked for awhile, but she pretty much slept the entire way to our house, which was over a 2 hour drive.

She was fine for a few days, and we'd scheduled an ultrasound - she'd told us it was a boy but we wanted a 3D-4D ultrasound done so we could see him, and so she was very agreeable to do that. We have a pool, so she basically swam, and ate, and wanted her hair done and her nails done and wanted basically to be pampered. I took her everywhere to have all this stuff done, and I was working full time at that time but managed to get some time off work during this week to spend the time with her. By Wednesday (the day of the ultrasound) she was getting very fidgety. We couldn't figure out why. Then all of the sudden she'd called me that day at work and told me she'd wanted me to fly her home immeditely. I told her there was no way for me to do that, and that she was the one that wanted to spend a week here - we'd originally only offered her a few days, but she pressed me and pressed me to stay here a week, so we gave in. Anyway, I came home and she was FREAKING OUT, so I called my hubby and had him come home. My hubby is someone that, when we met in high school, was a druggie. He wasn't on it but a few years, but still, he knows the signs, and he said that he KNEW she was on something, which really had me worried for the baby. Anyway, she was screaming and carrying on, and all of the sudden she wanted to take a bath. She was in our guest bedroom that has it's own bath, so she took a bath, and I had to interupt her to ask if she was still willing to do the ultrasound because it was THAT afternoon - she said yes. We did end up getting to see our precious boy, and it was so wonderful. We took her to a nice dinner afterwards and then went home. She seemed fine the rest of the time she was there.

When she went home, we paid for her cell phone, hell, I even bailed her butt out of jail!!! We paid for new clothes for her and a few other things, but in comparison to going through an agency, the cost was NOWHERE near that cost. When she went home, I felt like a piece of me went with her. She called me every morning to let me know how she was doing - I knew she was still debating which of us to let have the baby. Then about two weeks after she'd gone home, she called to let me know that she wanted us to have the baby, so she told me to get a lawyer and get the paperwork started, so we did, and she was more than cooperative in getting everything completed and sent back to me, and she had to track down one of the guys she thought was the dad (come to find out she was a prostitute and really wasn't completely sure who the father was), so we had the guy who she thought it was sign off on everything. It was hard at times, the process wasn't easy - I could tell when she was high because she'd call me demanding money or this and that, but she would get herself clean before her dr visits because we set up arrangements with her dr in Pennsylvania to allow us access to her medical records and because she was on state assistance, she had to be drug/alcohol tested. She was always clean, so we just think that she made sure she was clean for her testing.

Then, on the morning of August 13th, 2008, at 4:17am, we got the call that she was in labor!!! We jumped up, got on the first plane to Pennsylvania, and 15 hours later (2 layovers), we finally were able to see our son for the first time....he's the most beautiful little creature I've ever seen in my life!!!

Unfortunately, my MIL ruined my experience for me, and not only that, come to find out, after they released her from the hospital, we found out that he was born with traces of marijuana in his system, and in Pennsylvania, they won't allow us to prosecute like they do here in California, so they basically let her walk out of the hospital the next day, and I'd talked with her and was planning on meeting up with her to go buy some post pregnancy clothes for her, and then she left, and the dr pulled myself and hubby into his office and told us that our son had the traces of pot in his little system, and that he was not peeing or pooping and they wanted to keep him for a few days to monitor him, plus he was a preemie when he was born. I was FURIOUS at her for the drugs, I mean, I wanted to KILL this girl!!!! BUT...because I was so just wanting to get her to sign the final papers and be done with her, I kept my composure. They released our son 2 days after he was born and said that the traces were already out of his system and said that he was eating, peeing and pooping just fine. We had to stay in Pennsylvania for over a week because of their laws there, and 5 days after the birth, she had to meet up with us again to sign the final papers. We called her and called her to remind her, but she wasn't answering her phone nor was she calling us back. I really began to get nervous and worried. Finally she'd called me back and said that the baby was ours and she didnt want anything else to do with him or with us and I told her about the additional papers I had to have her sign and she kind of argued with me about it, so our social worker that was in PA was with us and she got on the phone and told her of the PA laws there - she still hemmed and hawed, so I offered her $500 to be there the next day at noon. The next day came, and so did noon, and she did not show up. I was hysterical and very nervous. She finally showed up, an hour and a half late, and strung out of her mind!! I gave her the $500, and we had agreed to keep in contact and that I would send her pictures and stuff like that, but it was not really considered an open adoption, it was just a verbal agreement between her and us.

The first year, I kept up my end of things. We sent her pictures and status updates every few months, and then all of the sudden when he was about 9 months old, she began calling me in a drugged up frenzy about how she wanted more money. Well, we'd already told her that after our son was born, she wasn't getting anything else from us because all of our resources would be poured into our son - we immediately set up college funds and family trusts and the whole nine yards - we werent ponying up another dime. Well the calls got more frequent, and more obnoxious. I called the social worker in PA to discuss with her and she said that she had no right to call me and harrass me like that. I was worried she could try to undo the adoption, but the social worker there and our attorney here said there was no way she could do that, furthermore, even if she tried, with the drugs found in her system and the two recent arrests she'd had, she didn't stand a chance at getting him from us. We were quite relieved about that. Anyway, she began calling me so much telling me that she'd been arrested and needed money to be bailed out, then said that her boyfriend kicked her out of the house and she needed a place to stay, she was totally coked out. The social worker in PA (who is still to this day a VERY dear friend of ours, and who has the BEST heart of anyone I know) went to see her at a hotel - she brought her bags of groceries and a Walmart gift card, the whole nine yards, come to find out, her boyfriend was with her at the hotel, and furthermore, she was pregnant again!!! Come to find out she'd got pregnant 3 months after she had our son, and according to what I know, she decided to keep the baby. We finally cut off all communication with her when she decided to threaten us. We filed police reports against her because if she ever tried to take us to court, we wanted proof of what was going on. What should've been something that was wonderful, turned into something so awful. I can honestly say, I don't have very many good memories of the whole thing. I was always so stressed out and getting gobs of phone calls from her always had me on edge because I never knew what type of mood she was going to be in. Our son was a bit over a year old when the adoption was completed and I couldn't have been more thankful if I tried.

Even through all the bad things I had to deal with, there are so many blessings that came from it. First off, the obvious - we have THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL, SMART, FUNNY little boy in the world who we adore more than anything or anyone in this world!!! Secondly, we made some lifelong friends - one of the nurses at the hospital who helped us with our son every day he was at the hospital, we are dear friends with her. The social worker that we hired and helped us, she LOVES our son, LOVES us, and she sends our son US Bonds every year for his birthday and for Christmas, sends us birthday cards, Christmas cards, and has even offered to allow us to come stay with her to visit. Her and her husband are truly the most wonderful people.

It's hard - adoption is not something I would've done if I'd have been able to have my own children, but I know that God had a plan for my life - I now know the reason I wasnt able to have children, because God knew that our son was going to need a loving mommy and daddy, and that was to be us!!!

Thankfully, our son has no physical or mental problems because of anything stupid she did during her pregnancy. We couldn't be more thankful and more blessed for this!!! We have no idea of all what she was on, but we know it was something.

Good luck to you!

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
-mrs.mamma-
by on Jul. 26, 2012 at 8:58 AM
I think that's so great, that's one thing I'd struggled with..
I also have two biological children, not sure how we could explain that or the best way to talk about that..
Beh. We need more time to talk about this, lol


Quoting AnGLInterrupted:

Yes she knows she's adopted.  We've never kept it from her and have always been open on the subject.  I refused for it to be a situation where we spent 18+ years keeping it from her and then she accidentally found out and was angry/depressed about it.  She often asks us to tell her "my story" at bed time.  We tell her as much as we think she'll understand at 5 years old.  Each year we tell her a little more.  I have pictures on my computer to show her in case she gets curious one day and I'm sure she will.  We've embraced the adoption instead of trying to hide it.  :)

And no, it's not too personal.  :)


Quoting -mrs.mamma-:

No, I haven't researched it much. We just brought up the idea last weekend. And my days are pretty chaotic, lol, so I really haven't looked into it much.

I'm still leary of the idea.. and somewhat scared. But still think it would be a wonderful option for us to look into.

One thing that I'm fearful of.. does your daughter know she's adopted? And how doI you plan/did youI tell her? I think that's my biggest hump..

Really hope that's not too personal :-/

Thanks so much for sharing.




Quoting AnGLInterrupted:

We found out about Madison through a friend of ours.  We met her and the birth mother and called an attorney who walked us through everything.  So we didn't go through an agency and we didn't really go through the state either.

Our process took right at 3 years.  We brought her home on June 29th, 2007.  The adoption was finalized on August 24th, 2010.  But the reason it took so long was because not only did we move during the process, we moved to another county, so we had to switch courts.  Lucky for us our attorney was licensed in both counties.  My recommendation, don't move during the process LOL.  Even if you stay in the county, every time you move or something like that, the paperwork has to be corrected and re-filed.

We found out about Madison, met the birth mother & Madison and made sure everyone was 100% on board, then we called an attorney who advised us to pick up the child and take her into our home.  A couple of weeks later we filed to have parental rights terminated, the birth mother & father signed over rights and 60 days after that they were terminated permanently.

When we were in the process of filing the adoption paperwork DH and I had to move to another city & county which delayed things a bit.  We held of on pushing for it for several months until we were situated then we had to filed in the new county and start from square 1.

It took awhile to get an appointment for a home study because they are really backed up.  We had our home study, our background checks and were finger printed.  We paid our attorney's fees, court costs, for the home study and finger printing.  We paid for an attorney ad litem (for the child's behalf) as well.  We were able to recover most of those costs through the adoption tax credit the next year (worth it even if there wasn't a tax credit though IMO).

After the home study it was about 6 months and we had a court date.  :)

I have no idea what the process is when you go through the system.  I would imagine it's not too different.  There's different paperwork and proceedings for every different type of adoption; private, open, grandparent, step-parent..  etc.  And it's different in every state as far as I know.


Have you done any web searches for agencies in your area?


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AnGLInterrupted
by Kendall on Jul. 26, 2012 at 9:07 AM

You should take all the time you need hun.  Personally, I recommend it to any and everyone who is thinking about it.  It's such a wonderful experience.

The only thing we really struggle with is Madison asking for a brother or sister.  She's been on this kick for a couple of years now and It's hard trying to explain to her that that may never happen.  Especially for a child her age to understand.  BUT secondary infertility happens all of the time so it's not just for adoptive parents to have to go through.

Quoting -mrs.mamma-:

I think that's so great, that's one thing I'd struggled with..
I also have two biological children, not sure how we could explain that or the best way to talk about that..
Beh. We need more time to talk about this, lol


Quoting AnGLInterrupted:

Yes she knows she's adopted.  We've never kept it from her and have always been open on the subject.  I refused for it to be a situation where we spent 18+ years keeping it from her and then she accidentally found out and was angry/depressed about it.  She often asks us to tell her "my story" at bed time.  We tell her as much as we think she'll understand at 5 years old.  Each year we tell her a little more.  I have pictures on my computer to show her in case she gets curious one day and I'm sure she will.  We've embraced the adoption instead of trying to hide it.  :)

And no, it's not too personal.  :)


Quoting -mrs.mamma-:

No, I haven't researched it much. We just brought up the idea last weekend. And my days are pretty chaotic, lol, so I really haven't looked into it much.

I'm still leary of the idea.. and somewhat scared. But still think it would be a wonderful option for us to look into.

One thing that I'm fearful of.. does your daughter know she's adopted? And how doI you plan/did youI tell her? I think that's my biggest hump..

Really hope that's not too personal :-/

Thanks so much for sharing.




Quoting AnGLInterrupted:

We found out about Madison through a friend of ours.  We met her and the birth mother and called an attorney who walked us through everything.  So we didn't go through an agency and we didn't really go through the state either.

Our process took right at 3 years.  We brought her home on June 29th, 2007.  The adoption was finalized on August 24th, 2010.  But the reason it took so long was because not only did we move during the process, we moved to another county, so we had to switch courts.  Lucky for us our attorney was licensed in both counties.  My recommendation, don't move during the process LOL.  Even if you stay in the county, every time you move or something like that, the paperwork has to be corrected and re-filed.

We found out about Madison, met the birth mother & Madison and made sure everyone was 100% on board, then we called an attorney who advised us to pick up the child and take her into our home.  A couple of weeks later we filed to have parental rights terminated, the birth mother & father signed over rights and 60 days after that they were terminated permanently.

When we were in the process of filing the adoption paperwork DH and I had to move to another city & county which delayed things a bit.  We held of on pushing for it for several months until we were situated then we had to filed in the new county and start from square 1.

It took awhile to get an appointment for a home study because they are really backed up.  We had our home study, our background checks and were finger printed.  We paid our attorney's fees, court costs, for the home study and finger printing.  We paid for an attorney ad litem (for the child's behalf) as well.  We were able to recover most of those costs through the adoption tax credit the next year (worth it even if there wasn't a tax credit though IMO).

After the home study it was about 6 months and we had a court date.  :)

I have no idea what the process is when you go through the system.  I would imagine it's not too different.  There's different paperwork and proceedings for every different type of adoption; private, open, grandparent, step-parent..  etc.  And it's different in every state as far as I know.


Have you done any web searches for agencies in your area?



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