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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

When is enough, ENOUGH?

Posted by on Jul. 27, 2012 at 2:21 AM
  • 15 Replies

I love my husband more than life itself. I just gave birth to our first baby last month and she is the most gorgeous, sweet, and loving thing I have ever laid my eyes on. We *should* be happy. But our marriage...God, I can't even describe it. We aren't good for each other. But we both have always said that divorce would never be an option. We would always do everything we could to make it work. But how long should I have to put up with his bull**** before I finally say enough is enough? What is my breaking point? When do I finally just give up? 

What is your limit? What is something you can't forgive in your marriage? How much would you put up with before you finally called it quits? I'm lost.

by on Jul. 27, 2012 at 2:21 AM
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Replies (1-10):
PinkHairMAMA
by on Jul. 27, 2012 at 2:25 AM
Hitting you, completely belittling you, controlling your every move, cheating with no remorse.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Dayna29
by on Jul. 27, 2012 at 2:55 AM
1 mom liked this

My xh and I were together for 12 years and been married for almost 10 years. We had court on our 10th anniversary. Anyway, I stuck through it over and over. My friends and family could see how bad things were getting. I was waiting for him to hit me so I had a reason to leave. I put up with a lot of stuff before I gave up. He had asked for a divorce many times and I begged ang cried trying to hold our marriage together. Well before the final end, I was finding porn magazines, dvds and other stuff. I would question him and I (know) he lied to me. But I forgave him still trying to make it work. When he went back OTR that was when things got bad again. He wouldn't call or help out with the bills. (Like he did anyway) He wouldn't let me have a key to the truck just in case my car broke down. He told me not to look at his check stubs. (that was a red flag right there). Then he really started accusing me of cheating and asking me if I thought my friend's boyfriends were cute. Well, when I had surgery (tubes tied), he didn't even call me to see if I was doing okay. My guy friend now DF was taking care of me and I asked him after the first week if my husband at the time called me. He told me not that he was aware of and he was there all day with me. He worked nights and didn't have to worry about me while I was sleeping. Well, my friend took me out when I was able to go out and husband got mad at me for going out. He didn't know that the guy took me. We were just friends. He asked for a divorce before my 2 week check up. I said OKAY! I was done. I got lied to, accused, made fun of, belitteled, and everything under the sun except physical abuse. I realized that he was mentally abusing me when things went bad and I laughed for the first time. Normally I would cry because I would get the blame for it. I had a few guys that were there to help me with the house when things broke down. That was when it hit me. He was abusive mentally. 

If you ever need to talk, you can pm me and I can let you know what is right and wrong. I did that with a friend. No opinions just telling you what I would do in the situation. Looking from the outside to the in. Your baby will not be happy unless the parents are happy. If you are the main caretaker, baby won't be happy unless YOU are happy. Learned that from my youngest. My mother thought she would never see her smile. When she was little, you rarely seen her smile. Now she does all the time! It took a lot of work but you need to be happy. Sometimes it just isn't worth it.


Sorry this is so long.

Fields456
by Silver Member on Jul. 27, 2012 at 2:58 AM
Enough is enough when you have had enough And no o e can tel, you when enough is for you
PinkHairMAMA
by on Jul. 27, 2012 at 2:58 AM
This is what I was trying to say. Sorry you had to go through that.


Quoting Dayna29:

My xh and I were together for 12 years and been married for almost 10 years. We had court on our 10th anniversary. Anyway, I stuck through it over and over. My friends and family could see how bad things were getting. I was waiting for him to hit me so I had a reason to leave. I put up with a lot of stuff before I gave up. He had asked for a divorce many times and I begged ang cried trying to hold our marriage together. Well before the final end, I was finding porn magazines, dvds and other stuff. I would question him and I (know) he lied to me. But I forgave him still trying to make it work. When he went back OTR that was when things got bad again. He wouldn't call or help out with the bills. (Like he did anyway) He wouldn't let me have a key to the truck just in case my car broke down. He told me not to look at his check stubs. (that was a red flag right there). Then he really started accusing me of cheating and asking me if I thought my friend's boyfriends were cute. Well, when I had surgery (tubes tied), he didn't even call me to see if I was doing okay. My guy friend now DF was taking care of me and I asked him after the first week if my husband at the time called me. He told me not that he was aware of and he was there all day with me. He worked nights and didn't have to worry about me while I was sleeping. Well, my friend took me out when I was able to go out and husband got mad at me for going out. He didn't know that the guy took me. We were just friends. He asked for a divorce before my 2 week check up. I said OKAY! I was done. I got lied to, accused, made fun of, belitteled, and everything under the sun except physical abuse. I realized that he was mentally abusing me when things went bad and I laughed for the first time. Normally I would cry because I would get the blame for it. I had a few guys that were there to help me with the house when things broke down. That was when it hit me. He was abusive mentally. 

If you ever need to talk, you can pm me and I can let you know what is right and wrong. I did that with a friend. No opinions just telling you what I would do in the situation. Looking from the outside to the in. Your baby will not be happy unless the parents are happy. If you are the main caretaker, baby won't be happy unless YOU are happy. Learned that from my youngest. My mother thought she would never see her smile. When she was little, you rarely seen her smile. Now she does all the time! It took a lot of work but you need to be happy. Sometimes it just isn't worth it.


Sorry this is so long.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
StephFerrero
by on Jul. 27, 2012 at 3:08 AM

Wow...it's weird seeing that written down...I'm going through similar stuff. The pain is more from emotional stuff than physical. He's never laid a hand on me...of course, we'd have to be together for that to happen. But thank you. I'll be here for you too. I appreciate the support.

Quoting Dayna29:

My xh and I were together for 12 years and been married for almost 10 years. We had court on our 10th anniversary. Anyway, I stuck through it over and over. My friends and family could see how bad things were getting. I was waiting for him to hit me so I had a reason to leave. I put up with a lot of stuff before I gave up. He had asked for a divorce many times and I begged ang cried trying to hold our marriage together. Well before the final end, I was finding porn magazines, dvds and other stuff. I would question him and I (know) he lied to me. But I forgave him still trying to make it work. When he went back OTR that was when things got bad again. He wouldn't call or help out with the bills. (Like he did anyway) He wouldn't let me have a key to the truck just in case my car broke down. He told me not to look at his check stubs. (that was a red flag right there). Then he really started accusing me of cheating and asking me if I thought my friend's boyfriends were cute. Well, when I had surgery (tubes tied), he didn't even call me to see if I was doing okay. My guy friend now DF was taking care of me and I asked him after the first week if my husband at the time called me. He told me not that he was aware of and he was there all day with me. He worked nights and didn't have to worry about me while I was sleeping. Well, my friend took me out when I was able to go out and husband got mad at me for going out. He didn't know that the guy took me. We were just friends. He asked for a divorce before my 2 week check up. I said OKAY! I was done. I got lied to, accused, made fun of, belitteled, and everything under the sun except physical abuse. I realized that he was mentally abusing me when things went bad and I laughed for the first time. Normally I would cry because I would get the blame for it. I had a few guys that were there to help me with the house when things broke down. That was when it hit me. He was abusive mentally. 

If you ever need to talk, you can pm me and I can let you know what is right and wrong. I did that with a friend. No opinions just telling you what I would do in the situation. Looking from the outside to the in. Your baby will not be happy unless the parents are happy. If you are the main caretaker, baby won't be happy unless YOU are happy. Learned that from my youngest. My mother thought she would never see her smile. When she was little, you rarely seen her smile. Now she does all the time! It took a lot of work but you need to be happy. Sometimes it just isn't worth it.


Sorry this is so long.


Dayna29
by on Jul. 27, 2012 at 3:11 AM
1 mom liked this

No problem, I don't regret it. Just wished he would have been a nicer person. Now its going to bite him in the a$$. We have our court papers all lined up and he still thinks he doesn't have to abide by them. I have my DF that will back my every move. Now he isn't gong to know what is going to hit him. I just filed for new orders. I want sole custody, and have it to where I control visitations, and if he has visitations they have to be supervised. He messed with the wrong person. I just don't know why he thinks he is above the law and don't have to follow orders. I use to back down all the time. He hates the fact that I won't anymore. I'm done. And in the interest of the kids, they don't need that either. They don't need to hear him and his family bashing me. It says in the orders that they can not do that. But they did. Just pray that he doesn't show up to court. Pray he doesn't get his papers to show up. My lawyer is doing everything leagal. So he may not get the papers to show up.

Quoting PinkHairMAMA:

This is what I was trying to say. Sorry you had to go through that.


Quoting Dayna29:

My xh and I were together for 12 years and been married for almost 10 years. We had court on our 10th anniversary. Anyway, I stuck through it over and over. My friends and family could see how bad things were getting. I was waiting for him to hit me so I had a reason to leave. I put up with a lot of stuff before I gave up. He had asked for a divorce many times and I begged ang cried trying to hold our marriage together. Well before the final end, I was finding porn magazines, dvds and other stuff. I would question him and I (know) he lied to me. But I forgave him still trying to make it work. When he went back OTR that was when things got bad again. He wouldn't call or help out with the bills. (Like he did anyway) He wouldn't let me have a key to the truck just in case my car broke down. He told me not to look at his check stubs. (that was a red flag right there). Then he really started accusing me of cheating and asking me if I thought my friend's boyfriends were cute. Well, when I had surgery (tubes tied), he didn't even call me to see if I was doing okay. My guy friend now DF was taking care of me and I asked him after the first week if my husband at the time called me. He told me not that he was aware of and he was there all day with me. He worked nights and didn't have to worry about me while I was sleeping. Well, my friend took me out when I was able to go out and husband got mad at me for going out. He didn't know that the guy took me. We were just friends. He asked for a divorce before my 2 week check up. I said OKAY! I was done. I got lied to, accused, made fun of, belitteled, and everything under the sun except physical abuse. I realized that he was mentally abusing me when things went bad and I laughed for the first time. Normally I would cry because I would get the blame for it. I had a few guys that were there to help me with the house when things broke down. That was when it hit me. He was abusive mentally. 

If you ever need to talk, you can pm me and I can let you know what is right and wrong. I did that with a friend. No opinions just telling you what I would do in the situation. Looking from the outside to the in. Your baby will not be happy unless the parents are happy. If you are the main caretaker, baby won't be happy unless YOU are happy. Learned that from my youngest. My mother thought she would never see her smile. When she was little, you rarely seen her smile. Now she does all the time! It took a lot of work but you need to be happy. Sometimes it just isn't worth it.


Sorry this is so long.



Dayna29
by on Jul. 27, 2012 at 3:20 AM

Honey, there was a whole lot more that had happened. We have been divorced for over 2 years now. I'm happily engaged and to be married next year. But looking outside in, you get a perspective on things. I was even ready to cheat on him (which technically I did, he kept accusing me so why not make it true) Point is, he was accusing long before. When I was throwing his things out, I found porn dvds, magazines and ex girlfriends # and address. He was being sneaky. And now I'm back with my family, I'm getting told a lot more that has happened that I did not see. It was bad enough that I thought I was the problem of me not getting along with my family. Since I've been with DF, my birthday weekend was the very first time my BIL gave me a hug and called me sis. He has been with our family since 98. I took my oldest DD to counceling and by listening to her, it helped me as well. My girls and I am very happy now. We don't miss BD. I hope it works out between you two if you were to seperate. I hope he doesn't play head games with you. I had to figure that out while DF stood beside me and didn't always like the choices I made, but now I see and standing up for myself against him. I had someone there since day one. My DF was sitting there on the couch next to me when xh asked for the divorce. I didn't even cry about it. So that had to say something. And when you are ready to cheat, that says something also. The relationship is not what you want. (Yes I know some people work through that and get back together)

Quoting StephFerrero:

Wow...it's weird seeing that written down...I'm going through similar stuff. The pain is more from emotional stuff than physical. He's never laid a hand on me...of course, we'd have to be together for that to happen. But thank you. I'll be here for you too. I appreciate the support.

Quoting Dayna29:

My xh and I were together for 12 years and been married for almost 10 years. We had court on our 10th anniversary. Anyway, I stuck through it over and over. My friends and family could see how bad things were getting. I was waiting for him to hit me so I had a reason to leave. I put up with a lot of stuff before I gave up. He had asked for a divorce many times and I begged ang cried trying to hold our marriage together. Well before the final end, I was finding porn magazines, dvds and other stuff. I would question him and I (know) he lied to me. But I forgave him still trying to make it work. When he went back OTR that was when things got bad again. He wouldn't call or help out with the bills. (Like he did anyway) He wouldn't let me have a key to the truck just in case my car broke down. He told me not to look at his check stubs. (that was a red flag right there). Then he really started accusing me of cheating and asking me if I thought my friend's boyfriends were cute. Well, when I had surgery (tubes tied), he didn't even call me to see if I was doing okay. My guy friend now DF was taking care of me and I asked him after the first week if my husband at the time called me. He told me not that he was aware of and he was there all day with me. He worked nights and didn't have to worry about me while I was sleeping. Well, my friend took me out when I was able to go out and husband got mad at me for going out. He didn't know that the guy took me. We were just friends. He asked for a divorce before my 2 week check up. I said OKAY! I was done. I got lied to, accused, made fun of, belitteled, and everything under the sun except physical abuse. I realized that he was mentally abusing me when things went bad and I laughed for the first time. Normally I would cry because I would get the blame for it. I had a few guys that were there to help me with the house when things broke down. That was when it hit me. He was abusive mentally. 

If you ever need to talk, you can pm me and I can let you know what is right and wrong. I did that with a friend. No opinions just telling you what I would do in the situation. Looking from the outside to the in. Your baby will not be happy unless the parents are happy. If you are the main caretaker, baby won't be happy unless YOU are happy. Learned that from my youngest. My mother thought she would never see her smile. When she was little, you rarely seen her smile. Now she does all the time! It took a lot of work but you need to be happy. Sometimes it just isn't worth it.


Sorry this is so long.



HIJKLM
by Bronze Member on Jul. 27, 2012 at 3:24 AM
It depends on each person. I took way more than I should have from my ex because I had the same views (and he's a master manipulator) Now I don't take shit. Luckily I found a good guy and it's a completely diferent relationship.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
PinkHairMAMA
by on Jul. 27, 2012 at 3:52 AM
1 mom liked this
He awoke the Mama Bear!!! Get em and em GOOD!!! :-)


Quoting Dayna29:

No problem, I don't regret it. Just wished he would have been a nicer person. Now its going to bite him in the a$$. We have our court papers all lined up and he still thinks he doesn't have to abide by them. I have my DF that will back my every move. Now he isn't gong to know what is going to hit him. I just filed for new orders. I want sole custody, and have it to where I control visitations, and if he has visitations they have to be supervised. He messed with the wrong person. I just don't know why he thinks he is above the law and don't have to follow orders. I use to back down all the time. He hates the fact that I won't anymore. I'm done. And in the interest of the kids, they don't need that either. They don't need to hear him and his family bashing me. It says in the orders that they can not do that. But they did. Just pray that he doesn't show up to court. Pray he doesn't get his papers to show up. My lawyer is doing everything leagal. So he may not get the papers to show up.

Quoting PinkHairMAMA:

This is what I was trying to say. Sorry you had to go through that.





Quoting Dayna29:

My xh and I were together for 12 years and been married for almost 10 years. We had court on our 10th anniversary. Anyway, I stuck through it over and over. My friends and family could see how bad things were getting. I was waiting for him to hit me so I had a reason to leave. I put up with a lot of stuff before I gave up. He had asked for a divorce many times and I begged ang cried trying to hold our marriage together. Well before the final end, I was finding porn magazines, dvds and other stuff. I would question him and I (know) he lied to me. But I forgave him still trying to make it work. When he went back OTR that was when things got bad again. He wouldn't call or help out with the bills. (Like he did anyway) He wouldn't let me have a key to the truck just in case my car broke down. He told me not to look at his check stubs. (that was a red flag right there). Then he really started accusing me of cheating and asking me if I thought my friend's boyfriends were cute. Well, when I had surgery (tubes tied), he didn't even call me to see if I was doing okay. My guy friend now DF was taking care of me and I asked him after the first week if my husband at the time called me. He told me not that he was aware of and he was there all day with me. He worked nights and didn't have to worry about me while I was sleeping. Well, my friend took me out when I was able to go out and husband got mad at me for going out. He didn't know that the guy took me. We were just friends. He asked for a divorce before my 2 week check up. I said OKAY! I was done. I got lied to, accused, made fun of, belitteled, and everything under the sun except physical abuse. I realized that he was mentally abusing me when things went bad and I laughed for the first time. Normally I would cry because I would get the blame for it. I had a few guys that were there to help me with the house when things broke down. That was when it hit me. He was abusive mentally. 

If you ever need to talk, you can pm me and I can let you know what is right and wrong. I did that with a friend. No opinions just telling you what I would do in the situation. Looking from the outside to the in. Your baby will not be happy unless the parents are happy. If you are the main caretaker, baby won't be happy unless YOU are happy. Learned that from my youngest. My mother thought she would never see her smile. When she was little, you rarely seen her smile. Now she does all the time! It took a lot of work but you need to be happy. Sometimes it just isn't worth it.


Sorry this is so long.





Posted on CafeMom Mobile
justpeachy71904
by Silver Member on Jul. 27, 2012 at 6:56 AM
Wow. I'm so sad to read this. :( um you know each person has their own breaking point. But communication is key. Imo once communication is 100% gone and not coming back the relationship is dead. If he isn't hearing you and doesn't have the desire to hear you and vice versa then why is the point? Parenting and partnering take communication on many levels. You have to make eye contact and speak, without that you won't survive. Have you tried it are you willing to try therapy? Many churches do therapy low cost sometimes free. Best of luck and don't give up. Also, don't hold on just for the sake of holding on if it is dead it is dead. I know that sounds contradictory don't give up don't hold on... You are living it you know what to do. Good luck chin up
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