Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Is it wrong to feel angry about this?

Posted by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:13 AM
  • 13 Replies

First of all let me say I'm very happily married.  So please no nasty comments about this reflecting on the state of my marriage.  But in my past relationship with my ex finance who I have two children with, I begged and pleaded for YEARS for him to take part in well, life, with me and with our children.  We wouldn't do ANYTHING with us.  I always worked so I took advantage of weekends to take the girls on trips to the zoo or beach or water park or anything fun that was a break from our normal routine.  He always flat out refused.  Either said he was too busy (which was b.s.) or said he wanted to get yard work done or get work around the house done, etc. He NEVER sat down to a meal with us at home.  If he did come home to eat he would stand at the stove and pick at the food like it wasn't worth the effort of filling a plate. I cooked large elaborate breakfasts every weekend and he never ever would eat with us.  Now that we have been apart for a while and I am married he has become "super dad".  Takes the girls to the zoo, beach (which he claimed to hate), etc.  He and his new girlfriend spent the entire day yesterday with the girls in the pool and then barbecued together and this morning the girls called me and they were all sitting down to breakfast together.  Yes I'm happy with my husband but he is not as close to my daughters as I would like and once again I am watching an ex do ALL the things I begged for with someone else!  Does it make me a petty person that I resent all this time he is now able to give our daughters and his new someone?  Is it wrong that I feel like I just wasn't good enough for his to take the time?  I love my husband and I truly am happy in our life together.  But sometimes I think if my ex had been willing to do any of this when we were together we might have lasted and would be raising our children together instead of splitting holidays and weekends!

by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:13 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
sweetnympho4him
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:18 AM

I don't think you are wrong to be upset, but if you hold it against him it might affect your relationship with him, which in turn will affect your children's relationship with him. You moved on, and now he has. It's one of those things that life deals us that we may not be happy with, but we have to accept.

Good luck mama! I hope things get better for you!

smurfy88
by Bronze Member on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:22 AM

My ex did the same thing after we broke up. He turned into more of a piece of shit on every other level, but he is so much better with our daughter

mich.el.le
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:24 AM
1 mom liked this

 No, I think it's normal to resent someone for that.  You watched your life and dreams go down the toilet with him and now he's doing it with someone else.  It would bother me too I think.

yikesitsmindy
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:25 AM
In some ways I can.understand yourfeelings, but obviously if you divorced he was not happy. He may have been going through a depression at the time. I am sure it is hard to hear but he is probably happier now and more willing to have family time. Maybe pushing him to do it made it less appealing.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
beeky
by Alexandra on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:29 AM
1 mom liked this

You're human, not petty!   Who wouldn't be upset by that?

prieta05
by Member on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:32 AM
I will be upset but Maybe some guys need a new relationship to start brand new. You have to loose that person in order to change his life.. Just be happy with your new husband and try to tell him how you feel that way things can be different with him too abd like your past relationship.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
biancalina20
by Bianca Lina on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:46 AM
I would be upset too mama. Ip
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mustloveanimals
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 12:24 PM

Our feelings are never wrong, it is the way we express them and whether we allow our feelings to be harmful to others (notably: our children). So allow yourself to have your feelings, just try not to let them get in the way of your childrens' relationship with their father.

Anneliese's mompuppy

beans13
by Member on Jul. 30, 2012 at 12:28 PM
I don't want to be rude but maybe e wasn't doing those things because he was unhappy.

Sometimes a parents relationship with their children is better once they are apart from the other parent.

It sounds like now he is just enjoying life and being with his kids.

Of course, it is normal to feel angry and resentful about this but sometimes you have to look at all sides.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ilovemykids732
by Bronze Member on Jul. 30, 2012 at 12:29 PM

I had a baby when I was 17... his father wasnt there mentally... never wanted to do anything with us... [he was 19] but now, 8 years later and a new girlfriend who is in school to become a teacher... he has all the time in the world... they go to the movies, parks... I was engaged to this guy... and had to drop him like a bad habit... he was very abusive... but it seems like he has changed... and I hate it... I just wish he would have changed before I got married to my 2nd sons father... :-/

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)