My husband and I have had an issue with his facebook usage for a couple years now. I get upset about him looking up random girls facebook pages and just looking at their pictures. I just feel it's really creepy and perverted thing to do. Most of the girls are ones he has met at work, or like just friends of friends. Some are young, like 17 or 18. We are both in our 30s. I have talked with him numerous times about why this upsets me. He even admitted to me that he sometimes fantasizes about certain girls instead of looking at porn. I have no issue with porn at all and up until this facebook thing we had sex on a very frequent basis. I'm just not sure what to do about it. He will stop doing it for a while then I will notice he has searched differnt girls names etc. I hate to keep confronting him about it when he obviosuly doesn't care about my feelings on the issue. I even went so far as to block some of the girls pages he went to most often so he couldn't aceess them but then he would just go to different girls pages. Any advice here I really am at my wits end as to what to do with him. It is making me not even want to be affectionate to him. I have lost alot of trust and do not feel attracted to him much at all after this.
EDIT: So I brought this up to my husband again, and told him in no uncertain terms I would not accept this going on in our relationship. And if he planned to continue being married to me he would get rid of his facebook(since all he really used it for was this anyway) and he would go with me to counseling. He at first came across like I was attacking him and calling him a terrible person etc. Which isnt how I intended for it to come out. I then sent him an email explaining it better since I could proofread it before sending it. Giving him a very detailed explanation of how it made me feel and that it had to stop. At first he tried to defend it saying people are different and just because i think its wrong doesn't mean it is etc and that if i asked a group of guys instead of girls they would all say it was normal. Then i kinda blew up at him again and said ok if its normal for you to do it I still cannot accept it and you can start sleeping on the couch because I don't want to share a bed with someone who thinks thats normal. We talked a while more and he decided he would go to couples counseling and said he only said it was normal because he was defensive about me thinking hes a bad person. So I told him to make the appt, I don't want to do it all for him so its like I'm totally forcing him. I want him to know that our relationship needs help and we have to start making changes. Hope it works this time. Thank you all for your adivce :)
No advice but to delete the accounts. Probably won't stop him from looking elsewhere though:/
Quoting jacobsmommy84:
That is extremely creepy:/
No advice but to delete the accounts. Probably won't stop him from looking elsewhere though:/
thats the thing is he did delete his account when we first started having an issue with this, but then would log onto mine and search for girls on my account. I really don't want to have to mother him or tell him what to do, but it just kills me that he doesn't consider how I feel when it comes to this. And the girls are totally random but at the same time they are girls he has seen and talked to before usually at work, or the most recent girls were ones he thought were cute at his cousins grad party. I mean just out of high school girls seriously. He looked on his cousins page then went through a lot of her friends pages. I was totally disturbed by it. I told him to think of how those girls would feel knowing some weird 30 ish guy was checking out their pictures. They don't post them for old guys to check out but young ones usually.
I guess I just wanted to make sure I wasn't over reacting for the most part, I was hoping this wasn't normal guy behavior that I would just have to get over because it really bugs me. I just hope we can get past it because right now I don't even want him to touch me.
that's incredibly creepy. and no, totally not "normal" behaivor, by a long stretch.
the issue definitely needs to be addressed. and probably with a therapist/counselor.
He would do the same types of things you are describing. His poor wife.
It got too far, it was just looking up women on the computer, and porn, etc during his marriage. Then he hurt his knee and was out of work, he spent all his time on the computer. He ended up searching girls on Craigslist. He was in a conversation with one and they made a plan, he got into his truck and went to have sex with a 14 year old girl... When he got to the house, he was arrested. It was a sex sting (yes like u see on dateline) that my sex addicted brother was involved in, along with 32 other men. My brother is now in prison and I thank God.
Do you have daughters? If you do, he needs help even more. I'm sure you can fill in the lines.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It is very creepy, and so very disturbing that he is looking up these little girls and ones that he has met. That is a perfect predator situation.
do u like kissing still?
- melroseb1230
on Aug. 5, 2012 at 3:00 AM