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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Really? You don't want to get married? Well, sh**.

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So, we've been together for 8 years, had three kids, and got through school and job issues, and moved three times together. We kept saying "We'll get married someday, but for now we're better off." Because of things like bigger tax refunds or more school grants, etc. Well, since the first of the year, none of that applies any more. We're both through school and he just got a super awesome promotion, so I thought "Great time to get married, yeah?" 

Since January, I've planned three different weddings - nothing big, mind you. We're getting married at the courthouse on a Friday afternoon, just us and the kids, and then having a party with about 100 friends and family. And pizza. We both love pizza and always said that when we get married, instead of the usual food, we'll have all our favorite kinds of pizza delivered. See, we've talked about getting married. He bought me a ring and proposed 6 years ago. I thought it was a given. 

But every time I present him with a plan for a wedding, there's a reason he can't. The first time was April, and he scheduled a gig over it (he's a musician on the side). Then it was May, and I worked out a perfect plan for a combination graduation party (he graduated from college), birthday party (on my birthday), wedding. All the people we knew and loved were already there, we just needed to add a JOP, and whammo - instant wedding. But for that he just hemmed and hawed around until it was too late to make sure everyone was there and the hall got booked (we ended up having the party at his parents' farm). 

And then I thought "August 31 - once in a blue moon. Pretty funny." And this time I told him that this was the last wedding I was planning, period, so he better suck it up and say yes or no, and in essence, he said no. He didn't say no outright, but he brought up so many objections, that I knew it was no. 

What the hell is the problem? We make a plan, we go through with it. We've always been that way, from babies, to school, to jobs. And now he's freaking out. WTH? Any ideas here?



Thanks for all the answers, ladies. Believe me, we have talked about it, I'm not exactly afraid of sharing my feelings, and his answer has always been "Of course I want to get married." And when it came time to actually talk about a wedding, it was "Just not now." So I sat on things for a while after I posted this, and tonight when he came home from taking the kids out to play I looked at him and said "We're going to do this wedding thing, still, right? Because if you're not into it, then I'm moving out with the kids." And he said "You would really leave if we didn't get married?" And I said "Well yeah, hasn't that been the point the whole time?" So we talked a bit more, but didn't want to fight in front of the kids, so I told him that I was going to come home after work tomorrow and have the sitter bring the kids home an hour later. I told him that I expected his answer, which better be a yes, and I told him I expected a date that we would call our parents and best friends and ask them to hold. And the date will be in 2012. And then I told him that if I did not get a yes, that he better put an ad in the paper for a roommate, because I am going to squeeze him dry for child support. So, I guess we'll see where we're at tomorrow. I also told him he better have a damn good reason for putting me off for the last 8 months. This, I want to hear. 

by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 11:24 AM
Replies (11-20):
Averys_mom87
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 11:52 AM

I plan a last minute wedding last year but then the car died and we used the money to fix it. But that worked out great for me because then 2 months later  I decided to go back to school. This time next year we should be married!!

charliebean
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 11:55 AM
Do you need him to marry you to prove that he loves you?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Liyoness
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 12:11 PM
2 moms liked this

Why are you asking a bunch of women who do not know your SO instead of just asking your SO?


3xangel
by Bronze Member on Aug. 5, 2012 at 12:14 PM
2 moms liked this
Straight up.. It Sounds like he doesn't want to marry you.
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jacobsmommy84
by Bronze Member on Aug. 5, 2012 at 12:22 PM
1 mom liked this
Don't worry about a plan. Maybe the whole idea of a wedding, a party, etc. makes him nervous??
My husband and I would never have gotten married had we had a wedding.... We just went and eloped one day. Out if the blue. I was off work, he was getting off early... So we went:)
One day when you both are just hanging out, throw it out there.... "hey Hun, let's do something crazy.... Let's go get married". Lol....
He might just go for it:)
You have already made a life together.... No reason for him to flip out. He obviously loves you.
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xxMocahFrappxx
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 12:28 PM
2 moms liked this
Its not just a piece of paper,
it seems like he's got everything he wants from you already and doesn't have the desire to wed.
8 years and three kids later? I would've known something was up after being engaged for so long.
As for tax returns, I file married filing separately :0)
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Liyoness
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 1:22 PM

So wait... It's not just a piece of paper, and yet he has everything he wants already..... So.... Which is it? You're contradicting yourself there.  What is going to change in their relationship if they get a marriage certificate, 8 years and 3 kids later?

Quoting xxMocahFrappxx:

Its not just a piece of paper,
it seems like he's got everything he wants from you already and doesn't have the desire to wed.
8 years and three kids later? I would've known something was up after being engaged for so long.
As for tax returns, I file married filing separately :0)


nangel4u
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 1:24 PM


Quoting evilangel198431:

I would give him the option of doing it or leaving


xxMocahFrappxx
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 1:25 PM
1 mom liked this
Lol I don't Care what you think, its the Original Poster I want to hear from smh

Quoting Liyoness:

So wait... It's not just a piece of paper, and yet he has everything he wants already..... So.... Which is it? You're contradicting yourself there.  What is going to change in their relationship if they get a marriage certificate, 8 years and 3 kids later?


Quoting xxMocahFrappxx:

Its not just a piece of paper,
it seems like he's got everything he wants from you already and doesn't have the desire to wed.
8 years and three kids later? I would've known something was up after being engaged for so long.
As for tax returns, I file married filing separately :0)


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kimsamomof3
by Member on Aug. 5, 2012 at 1:27 PM
2 moms liked this
So to get more money and grants you chose to not get married? Wow!
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