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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Really? You don't want to get married? Well, sh**.

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So, we've been together for 8 years, had three kids, and got through school and job issues, and moved three times together. We kept saying "We'll get married someday, but for now we're better off." Because of things like bigger tax refunds or more school grants, etc. Well, since the first of the year, none of that applies any more. We're both through school and he just got a super awesome promotion, so I thought "Great time to get married, yeah?" 

Since January, I've planned three different weddings - nothing big, mind you. We're getting married at the courthouse on a Friday afternoon, just us and the kids, and then having a party with about 100 friends and family. And pizza. We both love pizza and always said that when we get married, instead of the usual food, we'll have all our favorite kinds of pizza delivered. See, we've talked about getting married. He bought me a ring and proposed 6 years ago. I thought it was a given. 

But every time I present him with a plan for a wedding, there's a reason he can't. The first time was April, and he scheduled a gig over it (he's a musician on the side). Then it was May, and I worked out a perfect plan for a combination graduation party (he graduated from college), birthday party (on my birthday), wedding. All the people we knew and loved were already there, we just needed to add a JOP, and whammo - instant wedding. But for that he just hemmed and hawed around until it was too late to make sure everyone was there and the hall got booked (we ended up having the party at his parents' farm). 

And then I thought "August 31 - once in a blue moon. Pretty funny." And this time I told him that this was the last wedding I was planning, period, so he better suck it up and say yes or no, and in essence, he said no. He didn't say no outright, but he brought up so many objections, that I knew it was no. 

What the hell is the problem? We make a plan, we go through with it. We've always been that way, from babies, to school, to jobs. And now he's freaking out. WTH? Any ideas here?



Thanks for all the answers, ladies. Believe me, we have talked about it, I'm not exactly afraid of sharing my feelings, and his answer has always been "Of course I want to get married." And when it came time to actually talk about a wedding, it was "Just not now." So I sat on things for a while after I posted this, and tonight when he came home from taking the kids out to play I looked at him and said "We're going to do this wedding thing, still, right? Because if you're not into it, then I'm moving out with the kids." And he said "You would really leave if we didn't get married?" And I said "Well yeah, hasn't that been the point the whole time?" So we talked a bit more, but didn't want to fight in front of the kids, so I told him that I was going to come home after work tomorrow and have the sitter bring the kids home an hour later. I told him that I expected his answer, which better be a yes, and I told him I expected a date that we would call our parents and best friends and ask them to hold. And the date will be in 2012. And then I told him that if I did not get a yes, that he better put an ad in the paper for a roommate, because I am going to squeeze him dry for child support. So, I guess we'll see where we're at tomorrow. I also told him he better have a damn good reason for putting me off for the last 8 months. This, I want to hear. 

by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 11:24 AM
Replies (71-75):
ShannaBee
by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 2:00 PM

Catching the update-is there a reason he has cold feet? A cheating ex? Is he not comfortable in his career?

Good luck, I hope he can get over it.

kfroz0415
by Member on Aug. 12, 2012 at 11:39 PM
Update?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
unsuspected
by Gold Member on Aug. 13, 2012 at 1:23 AM


Quoting kfroz0415:

Update?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Devious333
by Member on Aug. 13, 2012 at 1:29 AM


Quoting unsuspected:





Quoting kfroz0415:

Update?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
DarlaHood
by on Aug. 13, 2012 at 1:36 AM

People do have legitimate fears about marriage, especially in our society when it's not really sacred anymore because people divorce like it's nothing and sometimes get married 3, 4, 5, times.  Some people as kids have just been through really bad situations with their parents.

But obviously he knows who you are by now, and there's no point in not getting married if he was willing to have 3 kids with you.  I think you do have a right to stand up for what you want for yourself and your kids.  Good for you.  Just be careful not to make threats unless you are going to carry through, and do make sure to address any legitimate fears he might have.

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