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Do you think it's ok for your dh to go to a club by himself?

Posted by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 3:33 AM
  • 114 Replies
4 moms liked this

I am so freakin pissed right now! WTF. 

DH is at work 5 hours away. He works on an oil rig with 12 hour shifts. He got off work at 7pm and decided to go to a club with one of his co-workers at 10:30pm. i'm okay with him going out to a BAR with his friends to drink and play pool whatever. but, in my eyes, a club is a totally different scene. Either you go to the club with your partner or when you are single. We are married but can't afford rings. so he doesn't wear one. i'm so pissed b/c it's 2:30am and he has to be at work at 6am. WTF. why the fu** does he have to be out there that late at a fu**in club? am i over reacting? we are like texting back and forth. but mainly me b/c i'm like bitching him out. finally he answers my call and i hear music in the background and he tries to reassure me that im his only one and he knows he has two kids and one on the way bla bla bla! 

He stays up there 5 hrs away for a whole week. the job provides him a bunk house to stay in. then he is off a week and comes home. i usually don't have a problem with him going out, he deserves to go out with his buddy b/c he works hard for his family. but i'm not okay with him going to a CLUB. 

Okay, so do you think it's okay for your man to go to a club with his buddies with out you? i feel like he acts single when he goes out. He never takes me out, we never go on dates, i have to beg for it. so yeah, i feel neglected in that department. especially since he likes to go out with his buddies. but when he is home he complains about working all the time, never wants to go anywhere and do anything with me and the kids.  or just me. so my feelings are hurt also. 

by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 3:33 AM
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Replies (1-10):
polkaspots
by Bronze Member on Aug. 9, 2012 at 4:00 AM
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At first I thought you were over reacting, but then I changed my mind. If a person likes to go out a lot, they do it. But he's different when he's gone. He wants to go out, but only when he's far away and you can't go. That sounds bad because it probably is. If you really mean that he never wants to go out with you, or go out with the kids, I would have to ask if this is new, or if he's always been like that.
MamaSince2005
by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 4:33 AM

we used to go out all the time when it was just one kid, that was 3 years ago. now i have 2 and one on the way. we don't go out anymore and he never really feels like it.   :-/   he doesn't even go grocery shopping with me. he likes to do things by himself.

Quoting polkaspots:

At first I thought you were over reacting, but then I changed my mind. If a person likes to go out a lot, they do it. But he's different when he's gone. He wants to go out, but only when he's far away and you can't go. That sounds bad because it probably is. If you really mean that he never wants to go out with you, or go out with the kids, I would have to ask if this is new, or if he's always been like that.


polkaspots
by Bronze Member on Aug. 9, 2012 at 4:38 AM
You really need to talk to him about how things have changed. You can work together to find a solution. Good luck.
slashteddy
by Member on Aug. 9, 2012 at 4:39 AM
1 mom liked this

Personally I have no problem with DH wanting to go out to a strip club or something like that with his buddies... the difference is though, he insists he really has no interest in doing so. He also knows that I'd be willing to go with him, and I trust him to go alone, etc. He's just not an overly sexual person, so it's not a big deal to him either way.

HOWEVER. That's just how our relationship works. If he were to go, he would have my consent. Consent is what's important. Your DH obviously didn't have your consent and seems to be acting weird about it. That's not cool. :\ I definitely don't think you're over-reacting or anything.

Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on Aug. 9, 2012 at 4:51 AM
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I'd be mad too.Not to mention how expensive it is to go out and drink in those places.

MamaSince2005
by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 4:55 AM

no consent, he tried to call, my phone was on silent. and left me a text saying he was going out to drink. i didn't mind. then i texted him and asked where he was at b/c he wouldn't answer my call. he said he was at a club and i freaked out. he usually goes to the bar to shoot pool. but instead he went to a club that closes at 4am. wth? he usually doesn't go out to clubs or whatever, i'm fine with him going to bars. we don't really ask for consent we just let the other person know where we are going. and i trust him that he tells the truth. he tells me every thing he's going to do before he does it. i'm just overprotective or jealous, i guess. i don't want him talking to girls or girls coming up to him. yes, i'm insecure a little bit. but i'm not afraid to show how i feel either. 

Quoting slashteddy:

Personally I have no problem with DH wanting to go out to a strip club or something like that with his buddies... the difference is though, he insists he really has no interest in doing so. He also knows that I'd be willing to go with him, and I trust him to go alone, etc. He's just not an overly sexual person, so it's not a big deal to him either way.

HOWEVER. That's just how our relationship works. If he were to go, he would have my consent. Consent is what's important. Your DH obviously didn't have your consent and seems to be acting weird about it. That's not cool. :\ I definitely don't think you're over-reacting or anything.


MamaSince2005
by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 4:58 AM

i don't know if he paid an entry fee. but he called me afterwards and told me it was byob too and he brought his own 12 pack. but money isn't an issue. it's the part where he goes out all the time while at work with his buddies especially when he is off work for a whole week every other week and never wants to do anything with me while he is home. 

Quoting Lindalou907:

I'd be mad too.Not to mention how expensive it is to go out and drink in those places.


Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on Aug. 9, 2012 at 5:08 AM

Yeah,that would hurt,he sounds like maybe he's a "man's man" my bil is like that,just isn't interested in doing things with my sister,she's so frustrated!

Quoting MamaSince2005:

i don't know if he paid an entry fee. but he called me afterwards and told me it was byob too and he brought his own 12 pack. but money isn't an issue. it's the part where he goes out all the time while at work with his buddies especially when he is off work for a whole week every other week and never wants to do anything with me while he is home. 

Quoting Lindalou907:

I'd be mad too.Not to mention how expensive it is to go out and drink in those places.



DarlaHood
by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 5:10 AM

The whole thing is weird,  I can understand wanting to have a beer or two with a buddy after work, but then you should WANT to go home and see your wife and kids because you should miss them.  I don't know the situation with him, so I don't know if it is alcohol that is the lure, if it is flirting with other women, if it is staying away from home, wife, kids because he's feeling burdened or stuck.  You probably really have an idea what is going on if you trust your instincts.  But there is something going on because it isn't really normal for him to prefer a byob club to being with his girls at home. 

MamaSince2005
by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 5:15 AM

it's not that he prefers to be at a bar or club instead of with me. he goes out to drink when he is 5hrs away where he works. he stays out there for a whole week. he works a week, off a week. when he is off, he comes home and he stays home with me for the whole week but he never wants to do anything or go out with me while he is home and off work. 

Quoting DarlaHood:

The whole thing is weird,  I can understand wanting to have a beer or two with a buddy after work, but then you should WANT to go home and see your wife and kids because you should miss them.  I don't know the situation with him, so I don't know if it is alcohol that is the lure, if it is flirting with other women, if it is staying away from home, wife, kids because he's feeling burdened or stuck.  You probably really have an idea what is going on if you trust your instincts.  But there is something going on because it isn't really normal for him to prefer a byob club to being with his girls at home. 


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