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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

This really sucks :*(

Posted by on Aug. 10, 2012 at 1:39 PM
  • 38 Replies

My husband of 6 1/2 years walked out on me and the  kids a lil over 2 weeks ago.  He keeps saying that he hasn't gotten a lawyer or even thought about filing.  He went to Florida (1200 miles away from us) and says that once he gets a job and his own place he'll be ready to move forward.  Last Thursday we talked and he said that he hasn't gotten a lawyer or filed because a small part of him thinks there's a chance we might get back together. This week he completely denies saying that.  We had a conversation yesterday about working things out and he said "I'm pretty sure it's over..no I'm 100% sure our marriage is completely over" Then today he says that he needs time to think about some stuff before he can think about us working things out.  I asked him if he doesn't see how confusing he is.  He got defensive and said that he's not confusing he's firm with his decision and what he said yesterday is 100% what he wants. I told him if that's the case he can't sit here today and say that he needs time to think about things and maybe thinking about working things out.  He said that for him working things out means us having a good relationship for the kids' sakes.  I've told him a hundred times that for me the phrase "working things out" means trying to fix our marriage and that the word "relationship" as it pertains to me and him to me is our marriage..that's the only relationship there is with him for me.  I told him that I don't need to have any kind of relationship with him in order to just be nice to him for the kids' sake. 

My parents,and a few friends think that he's gonna get himself together (job,own place) and then file and try to take the kids. So after I got off the phone with him this morning and called legal aid so I can try and get some help so I can just file.  If he's 100% done there's no sense in me sitting here and hoping he'll change his mind.  I haven't mentioned to him at all that I was even thinking about going ahead and filing so I know he won't be expecting it.  It just really sucks because I want nothing more then to fix my marriage.

by on Aug. 10, 2012 at 1:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
thecoffeefairy
by on Aug. 10, 2012 at 1:42 PM
Act quickly. Get a job. Get good legal help. Demand alimony and child support. Don't let him get custody.
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OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on Aug. 10, 2012 at 1:45 PM

 File and make sure you get all that you are entitled to.  Don't cave and document everything that is said between the two of you.  Keep all emails too!  It sounds like he's done, but may be feeling guilty about not trying harder.  The way he's acting, his heart isn't in fixing your marriage, and he'll only be going through the motions of trying to make it work.  Look out for your, and your children's, best interests.

-mrs.mamma-
by on Aug. 10, 2012 at 1:55 PM
Just make sure you get what you deserve. Get the legal help you need & don't let him get away with less then his share because you want to be nice. Take care of those kids.
Hugs!
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sassy1984
by on Aug. 10, 2012 at 1:59 PM

that sucks i hope you figure it out.. with what you want to do praying things work out for you and your family

oaknaydsmom
by on Aug. 10, 2012 at 2:12 PM

all I want is fully physical custody of my kids,and whatever support I'm entitled to.  There are some material things I'd like to keep but if I have to give him some furniture to keep my kids I'll do it.  I've been a SAHM for our entire marriage.  He took the one and only car we had so I'm trying to figure out money to get a car so I can find a job.  I did apply for a job last week with my kids' school district so if I got that job it'd be great because both elementary schools are within walking distance of the house.

2lilmamas
by on Aug. 10, 2012 at 2:34 PM
Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 File and make sure you get all that you are entitled to.  Don't cave and document everything that is said between the two of you.  Keep all emails too!  It sounds like he's done, but may be feeling guilty about not trying harder.  The way he's acting, his heart isn't in fixing your marriage, and he'll only be going through the motions of trying to make it work.  Look out for your, and your children's, best interests.


OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on Aug. 10, 2012 at 2:58 PM

 Look into spousal support as well.  I would think that you wouldn't have an issue getting full custody since he moved so far away, and courts usually frown upon the kids moving away from what they know when the parent is a "fit" parent.  Being a SAHM shouldn't make a difference in that, especially since you can prove that you're looking for work.  Even if you find a job, you can still receive child and spousal support.  I think you'll be just fine. 

Quoting oaknaydsmom:

all I want is fully physical custody of my kids,and whatever support I'm entitled to.  There are some material things I'd like to keep but if I have to give him some furniture to keep my kids I'll do it.  I've been a SAHM for our entire marriage.  He took the one and only car we had so I'm trying to figure out money to get a car so I can find a job.  I did apply for a job last week with my kids' school district so if I got that job it'd be great because both elementary schools are within walking distance of the house.

 

sugarnspice89
by on Aug. 10, 2012 at 2:58 PM

File, get a lawyer, get a job. 

oaknaydsmom
by on Aug. 10, 2012 at 3:04 PM

I did an application this morning with legal  aide to see if I qualified for financial help with filing. If I haven't heard anything in 5 days I'm suppose to call and check the status of my application.  All the lawyers around here want a $1500 retainer and he left me with nothing.  I'm also trying to figure out money for a car for the kids and I.  Doesn't have to be anything fancy I just need to fit 1 carseat and 2 booster seats and it be reliable.  Once I figure out a car there are a few more towns nearby that have more job opportunities for me.  I applied for a job last week with my town's school district and if I got it I don't know what the pay is but the hours would be exactly what I need.

Quoting sugarnspice89:

File, get a lawyer, get a job. 


oaknaydsmom
by on Aug. 10, 2012 at 3:08 PM

The worse thing I have going for me is that I have depression and 3 years ago I attempted suicide..but I haven't attempted since.  I've been off and on zoloft and other then getting the blues here and there I've been fine.  He however has severe PTSD from Iraq and has pretty much no short term memory and it doesn't take much to get him angry. Spring 2011 he was hospitalized twice..the first time he was in for 2 weeks,came home for about 2 weeks and then had to go to a different hospital.  The first time he threatened the second time he attempted.  So I doubt a court would really give him physical custody,especially seeing that I'm currently staying with my parents and my family is the only family my kids really know.  His family (who he's staying with right now) don't even try to be in our kids' lives.  Our daughter just turned 19 months old and his family has never seen her or tried to see her.  The last time they tried to see the boys was 09.

Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 Look into spousal support as well.  I would think that you wouldn't have an issue getting full custody since he moved so far away, and courts usually frown upon the kids moving away from what they know when the parent is a "fit" parent.  Being a SAHM shouldn't make a difference in that, especially since you can prove that you're looking for work.  Even if you find a job, you can still receive child and spousal support.  I think you'll be just fine. 

Quoting oaknaydsmom:

all I want is fully physical custody of my kids,and whatever support I'm entitled to.  There are some material things I'd like to keep but if I have to give him some furniture to keep my kids I'll do it.  I've been a SAHM for our entire marriage.  He took the one and only car we had so I'm trying to figure out money to get a car so I can find a job.  I did apply for a job last week with my kids' school district so if I got that job it'd be great because both elementary schools are within walking distance of the house.

 


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