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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I'm Losing Him and I Don't Know what to do...

Posted by on Aug. 19, 2012 at 11:37 AM
  • 20 Replies

I have tried and tried. I dont know what to do anymore. Part of it is my fault and I have taken full ownership of my actions. We are not in a committed relationship and earlier in our relationship I was aware that he was dating other people. At the beginning of this year curiousity got the best of me and I looked at another womans profile. I wanted to see why she was so special and what made her "better" than me. I was thinking (at the time) what's keeping him from me?  We both knew of one another and my profile is public. I had nothing to hide, I was just curious.  She saw that I looked at her profile (again I wasnt hiding anything) and I didn't contact her, reach out to her, nothing...He asked me about it and I took FULL ownership of my actions. I told why I did it, I wasn't trying to justify or make up excuses. I simply answered his question.  Since then everything has been going well, a few trying times (nothing major). We got even closer (I feel) during June and July. Both of us really opened up more to eachother and it was the best feeling in the world. He was TDY in Ft. Polk and I went to go see him. Even though we didn't spend every minute together, I had so much fun just being with him and enjoying his company.  Everything between us has been long distance and it is so hard to build and maintain any type of relationship from afar.  Just recently, we had a conversation where he indicated that in the past women have tried to "trap" him and that is why he takes his time before making a committment (I totally understand and respect that), but what shocked me and hurt me more than words can describe is that he put me into the category of the past women who tried to trap him because of that incident earlier this year.  I don't know or see how what I did was an entrapment. And furthermore why would he continue to be involved with me and invest time with me, and have deep conversations with me if he felt that I was "trapping" him. I have no bad intentions with him...None. I honestly (and call me crazy if you want to) I can see myself married to him. I have been full forward with him. I told him once that I loved him however he didnt believe me and I have never said it to him again since. Am I stupid for holding on and wanting this to work and being afraid of losing him...I am in love with this man and I will take the bad with the good.  It just seems as though it is ok for him to make mistakes and not others.

by on Aug. 19, 2012 at 11:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
LexRi0709
by on Aug. 19, 2012 at 11:40 AM
I would just continue to be open and honest with him. I don't know if he was lumping you into his past issues, or just explaining why he wants things to go slowly.
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newstepmom61811
by on Aug. 19, 2012 at 1:20 PM
6 moms liked this
He's just not that into you...he's using what works to get what he wants from you and still keep you at arms length...he knows by accusing you of "trapping" him you won't want to be seen as one of those kind of girls and he can get whatever he wants out of you and you'll feel too guilty to demand what you deserve...a real relationship and commitment. A real man who really loves a woman goes all in, no excuses, he's a pussy and an ass. He's afraid of commitment, just not that into you, or he would commit, and a dick for stringing you along and using you. Find someone who treats you better...every woman deserves a man who is all about her and they are out there. Look for it, wait for it, and love it when you find it...
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marie2409
by on Aug. 19, 2012 at 1:37 PM
Exactly!

Quoting newstepmom61811:

He's just not that into you...he's using what works to get what he wants from you and still keep you at arms length...he knows by accusing you of "trapping" him you won't want to be seen as one of those kind of girls and he can get whatever he wants out of you and you'll feel too guilty to demand what you deserve...a real relationship and commitment. A real man who really loves a woman goes all in, no excuses, he's a pussy and an ass. He's afraid of commitment, just not that into you, or he would commit, and a dick for stringing you along and using you. Find someone who treats you better...every woman deserves a man who is all about her and they are out there. Look for it, wait for it, and love it when you find it...
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krisdev67
by on Aug. 19, 2012 at 2:48 PM
1 mom liked this

 Sounds like he just doesn't want a relationship.  He just wants all the freebies that goes with it but none of the responsiblity.  Instead of him being honest about his moment he's decided to lie and manipulate you for his own selfish reasons. I know it's difficult but IMO you need to lay all your cards on the table.  If he continues with the bs about lumping you in with the rest of the women then you know the answer.  I'd run from him.  He's definately NOT worth it!  GL..

Taynhannahsmom
by on Aug. 19, 2012 at 2:53 PM
He sounds like a waste of time! Sorry for being so forward. Hope you can find happiness.
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JennPearce
by Jenn! on Aug. 19, 2012 at 4:07 PM
Sorry to say this but run fast. I was in a relationship like this prior to dh & nothing good will come of it. He's just using any excuse he can to avoid a commitment & get what he wants. I'm not saying this to be rude at all. I want to save you of heartache. You deserve much better & you will find that if you cut your losses with this jerk.
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little.worthen
by Tessie on Aug. 19, 2012 at 4:12 PM
I would move on. You're investing 100% and he is investing 10%. That's so not fair to you, and I know it's the last thing you want to hear, but you're an amazing person and deserve someone who's going to put in the same amount as you do. And I promise you, that someone is out there. This guy now is holding you back from finding him.

Whatever you choose I wish you the best and a life full of happiness
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catrig
by Bronze Member on Aug. 19, 2012 at 5:43 PM

You need a new guy.  What was the big deal with you looking at some chicks profile?

savelijes
by on Aug. 19, 2012 at 10:21 PM

Thank you ladies for sharing your honest feedback and forwardness!

-mrs.mamma-
by on Aug. 19, 2012 at 10:29 PM
Sorry, but I agree with the other ladies.
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