first heres a little back ground me and my husband have been together for 13 yrs and have had 4 kids together. for the 6 months he has been getting on dating sites and talking to chicks i dont know and saying that he loves them and hes single and that he misses them when he has never meant any of these chicks and i have asked him to stop and told him that i feel like he's trying to replace me and that it hurts me knowing he's doing this and he says he's just playing around but he hides some of his conversations and i worry i am gonna be the only one raising my children because he wants to go with a new b^%ch. i dont know what to do. I love him very much and dont want to leave him and break up my family cause i know that would hurt my children more than it would hurt me. any advice?
in a situation like this, i would ask myself if i would want my daughter to go through this and if she did, how i would want her to handle the situation. what your husband is doing is wrong, especially if you've asked him to stop. it isn't just nothing to you and he should resepct that. i wouldn't ask, but would demand my dh to stop or to leave. i wouldn't let any man bluntly disrespect me like that and treat me as if my feelings meant nothing and i wouldn't want my daughters raised by a man who disrespects women like that. you can't protect your children from everything but you can teach them to stand up for themselves and the difference in right and wrong.
To me, that is the same as cheating. He is risking losing you and his family and his home. Is it worth it to him? Does he really want to live in a crappy studio apt he can barely afford because he is paying alimony and child support to you? Doubtful.
You need to get marriage counseling. Go alone if he won't go. You'll get better insight and learn what is the best course of action. Do not put up with it. Would be like it if you were doing this? Of course not! It's NOT OKAY. It's not like watching porn because he is interacting with real women. And he's lying to them! They are looking for a single man to possibly have a relationship with and he is absolutely wasting their time.
Good luck. I hope he stops.
Quoting polkaspots:
He's cheating on you...
you nned to tell him that he needs to make a choice, he either needs to stop this, or you wont put up with it and his bullshit any longer. He needs to decide what exactly is more important to him, these girls, or his wife.
first set up boundaries, it is NOT okay with what hes doing. He is married with children he needs to stop all that crap and step up. If he doesnt you can either 1. decide to go along with it and teach your children that is normal..this case dont whine about it, be passive. or 2. put your foot down and let him know that what hes doing is NOT okay, he either stops or you are gone. You need to realize that you deserve a hubby who treats you with respect and is faithful to you, thats not much to ask. Just put you and your children first.
my advice sounds mean to you but im just trying really hard to help you out. you love him and your family? maybe over the years you both have just fallen into a routine that you need to change up. i dont mean in the bedroom we all know all the different ways we can spice things up in there and if not feel free to message me and ill tell you some things i do. me and my husband went through a similar phase and he was on facebook-i did almost everything you can think of too. i found out in the end he just felt i didnt mean it when i said "thenk you" or "i love you" or htings liek that. that i no longeer showed that i was interested in making him happy. men are a little like children and they need attention and special tlc. im not sure what you already do and i know its going to be tough with 4 kids and the major emotion crisis your going through right now but, i started to do everything around the house, i cleaned everything, i did everything and didnt even ask or expect his help no matter how muuch i wanted it. i woke up before him and made coffee and breakfast for him and if he didnt eat it i would make a sad face and ask him if maybe he would rather me make him somthing else(to show im actually interested in what he wants and that i really apreciate hi even if he doesnt seem to apreciate me- like you know children? lol) i would make a lunch for him the night before- something off racheal ray all crazy awesome while he would watch TV withotu me or the kids bothering him. i would brag about how amazing he is in anything to both him and our family to show him all the little things i love and notice about him. i would go out of my way to ask about his day but not tell him about mine unless he asked- as if to say his day was way more interesting than mine without being clingy. i would rub his back without him asking right before we fell alseep in bed- this made him come to bed with me instead of staying up doing whatever but i didnt push the issue if he decided against it. i would do my hair and make up and get dressed pretty for him everyday likea kind of trophy wife i guess- to make him feel as though i still want him to look at me and i still want to impress him, and in the end all this worked and felt he couldnt get any better then me, he felt apreciated again and now hes the one bragging about me. i know this all seems a bit much but it might be better than crying every night or worrying everynight- if you do this and it still does nothing then accept that there mey be nothing you can do and hes just got some isues you cant help him get over about his life right now- like a midlife crisis issue.
It will hurt your children more to grow up with a dad that disrespects their mom. He needs to stop playing around, and take his responsibility as a father and husband seriously. If he cant do that, then he or you should leave. I can never understand, if its an issue you can not live with, and is making you miserable, why wouldnt you want to leave? Kids are resilient. You of course have an obligation to do everything you can to try to make it work, but if it isnt, at some point you have to think of yourself and your kids. I hope you and your husband can figure this out and be happy, with, or without each other. Im sorry you are dealing with this, it would hurt my feelings too.
He is being disrespectful to you and you are tolerating it just cuz you are too scared to be alone! Do you want your kids to grow up disrespecting you and others too? They will mimic the behaviour they see from their father. He is CHEATING on you! You have told him to stop and he still isnt. He will joke and tell you that its just for fun and that you are making him do it cuz hes bored, etc. BUT IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! DO NOT let him treat you like this. I would rather be a single mom with 4 kids, it wouldnt matter how many years we were together.
not sure why it is bothering me but
- mothergonecrazy
on Aug. 26, 2012 at 12:10 AM