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SAHM and really starting to hate it!

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I love that I get to watch my children grow and dont miss a thing. My daughter is 7 and is in school but my son is 11 months. I live that Im here for everything. However, I HATE not having a job. I hate not having my own paycheck. I hate not being able to just spend money on things I want. Instead I have to go thru my hubby. Now, dont get me wrong, he takes care of us. He pays the bills and then some. He even goes as far as paying for me to get my nails done. Even though he takes care of these things, he's hard to ask for money. He complains, but still does it. He always talks about having to do everything by himself and he's tired of not having any money for himself. That isn't completely true. He buys himself beer every single night (at least $15 worth), his chew (3 cans a day), and lunch (roughly $10 a day). Anyhow, I guess Im just tired of having to go to him everytime I want/need something when I used to be able to just do it myself.
My mom and grandparents live in Kansas and Arkansas and have offered to pay for two of the three tickets we need to make a trip from here (Colorado) to Wichita in November for Thanksgiving. We have never in the 9 years we have been together been to visit my family. They have always come here. Well, I have brought up the trip a few times and its like I don't get a straight answer from him. Im not a nagging type of person, but if we dont get the tickets soon, the price is going to keep going up. He keeps talking about how expensive it is going to be and Im starting to get upset. If I had a job and my own paycheck I would buy the ticket today! Im so frustrated and upset that he's not willing to help me out. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I expecting too much from him? I told him that I dont have to get my nails done ($20 every other week). I just need some advice on how to handle this situation.
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by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 11:13 AM
Replies (11-20):
princessamber
by Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 12:02 PM
I couldn't and wouldn't be a stay at home mom if that was the case. In my case he works and I manage everything else. Including $/bills. He asks me for money and he personally purposely did this... He doesn't remember his debit card pin ... He was never good with money so I take care of it and he asks if we have the money if he wants something.. I don't know how I could do what u do knowing I would have to ask for money to even grocery shop... Or make sure dinner was on the table when he got home ... Sit down and talk to him maybe you could set up an account he puts money into for you to use how you please or need to everytime he gets paid
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OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 12:06 PM

 I definately think you should take your family's offer to visit.  You should not have to ask your husband for every little thing.  The money he makes is not strictly his.  It is your family's.  I would ask him to sit down with you and create a budget that you'll both be happy with.  Every week or two, make time to sit down and discuss that budget and how it's going. 

SuperMom2433
by Gold Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 12:08 PM
Oh gawd what I would do for an allowance! I am actually worried about asking him for such a thing. I think he would just laugh and disregard that idea completely.


Quoting princessamber:

I couldn't and wouldn't be a stay at home mom if that was the case. In my case he works and I manage everything else. Including $/bills. He asks me for money and he personally purposely did this... He doesn't remember his debit card pin ... He was never good with money so I take care of it and he asks if we have the money if he wants something.. I don't know how I could do what u do knowing I would have to ask for money to even grocery shop... Or make sure dinner was on the table when he got home ... Sit down and talk to him maybe you could set up an account he puts money into for you to use how you please or need to everytime he gets paid

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SuperMom2433
by Gold Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 12:09 PM
Multiple times I have talked to him about budgeting our money but he has yet to sit down with me. He's not very good with money but hell would freeze over before he would let me be in charge of his paycheck.


Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 I definately think you should take your family's offer to visit.  You should not have to ask your husband for every little thing.  The money he makes is not strictly his.  It is your family's.  I would ask him to sit down with you and create a budget that you'll both be happy with.  Every week or two, make time to sit down and discuss that budget and how it's going. 


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AnGLInterrupted
by Kendall on Aug. 30, 2012 at 12:20 PM
1 mom liked this

I have no idea what to tell you on this sweetie.  My dh is very much a "we" or "our" person.  It's "our" money.  I don't have to ask him permission to spend any of it.  I will say though, that out of repsect I do tell him what I'm spending the money on and how much but it's not required.

My advice..  take the two tickets and go see your family for Thanksgiving.  Maybe spending the holiday alone will open up is eyes?

MrsSexyCurtains
by Bronze Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 12:23 PM
I couldn't be married to someone who thinks of his money as his not ours. I'm a sahm and we both have our spending money after bills are paid. Why don't you go visit family by yourself and take the baby? Maybe look into jobs while you are away and have it all planned out to explain to him when you get home.

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SuperMom2433
by Gold Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 12:23 PM
I know that it would probably open his eyes but I can't and won't do that. I won't have my daughter wondering why we aren't spending Thanksgiving without daddy. I think Im going to sit down with him tonight when the kids are in bed and discuss this with him. I need him to understand where Im coming from. I need him to understand how important this is to me. I've already told him but he's still not grasping it fully.


Quoting AnGLInterrupted:

I have no idea what to tell you on this sweetie.  My dh is very much a "we" or "our" person.  It's "our" money.  I don't have to ask him permission to spend any of it.  I will say though, that out of repsect I do tell him what I'm spending the money on and how much but it's not required.

My advice..  take the two tickets and go see your family for Thanksgiving.  Maybe spending the holiday alone will open up is eyes?


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AnGLInterrupted
by Kendall on Aug. 30, 2012 at 12:25 PM

I understand.  I wouldn't want to do it either.  (tight hugs)  I'm sorry sweetie.  Hopefully you'll get through to him before it's too late.

Quoting SuperMom2433:

I know that it would probably open his eyes but I can't and won't do that. I won't have my daughter wondering why we aren't spending Thanksgiving without daddy. I think Im going to sit down with him tonight when the kids are in bed and discuss this with him. I need him to understand where Im coming from. I need him to understand how important this is to me. I've already told him but he's still not grasping it fully.


Quoting AnGLInterrupted:

I have no idea what to tell you on this sweetie.  My dh is very much a "we" or "our" person.  It's "our" money.  I don't have to ask him permission to spend any of it.  I will say though, that out of repsect I do tell him what I'm spending the money on and how much but it's not required.

My advice..  take the two tickets and go see your family for Thanksgiving.  Maybe spending the holiday alone will open up is eyes?



SuperMom2433
by Gold Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 12:25 PM
I just don't want to go without him. I guess I shouldn't care whether he goes or not but I just dont want that. I don't want to be dealing with 2 children, a baby and my daughter, by myself in the airports. I dont want to spend Thanksgiving without him.


Quoting MrsSexyCurtains:

I couldn't be married to someone who thinks of his money as his not ours. I'm a sahm and we both have our spending money after bills are paid. Why don't you go visit family by yourself and take the baby? Maybe look into jobs while you are away and have it all planned out to explain to him when you get home.




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SuperMom2433
by Gold Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 12:27 PM
Thanks so much. He's such a great man, husband and father. This is a bad trait in his personality. I wish he understood my point of view.


Quoting AnGLInterrupted:

I understand.  I wouldn't want to do it either.  (tight hugs)  I'm sorry sweetie.  Hopefully you'll get through to him before it's too late.

Quoting SuperMom2433:

I know that it would probably open his eyes but I can't and won't do that. I won't have my daughter wondering why we aren't spending Thanksgiving without daddy. I think Im going to sit down with him tonight when the kids are in bed and discuss this with him. I need him to understand where Im coming from. I need him to understand how important this is to me. I've already told him but he's still not grasping it fully.





Quoting AnGLInterrupted:

I have no idea what to tell you on this sweetie.  My dh is very much a "we" or "our" person.  It's "our" money.  I don't have to ask him permission to spend any of it.  I will say though, that out of repsect I do tell him what I'm spending the money on and how much but it's not required.

My advice..  take the two tickets and go see your family for Thanksgiving.  Maybe spending the holiday alone will open up is eyes?





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