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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

SAHM and really starting to hate it!

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I love that I get to watch my children grow and dont miss a thing. My daughter is 7 and is in school but my son is 11 months. I live that Im here for everything. However, I HATE not having a job. I hate not having my own paycheck. I hate not being able to just spend money on things I want. Instead I have to go thru my hubby. Now, dont get me wrong, he takes care of us. He pays the bills and then some. He even goes as far as paying for me to get my nails done. Even though he takes care of these things, he's hard to ask for money. He complains, but still does it. He always talks about having to do everything by himself and he's tired of not having any money for himself. That isn't completely true. He buys himself beer every single night (at least $15 worth), his chew (3 cans a day), and lunch (roughly $10 a day). Anyhow, I guess Im just tired of having to go to him everytime I want/need something when I used to be able to just do it myself.
My mom and grandparents live in Kansas and Arkansas and have offered to pay for two of the three tickets we need to make a trip from here (Colorado) to Wichita in November for Thanksgiving. We have never in the 9 years we have been together been to visit my family. They have always come here. Well, I have brought up the trip a few times and its like I don't get a straight answer from him. Im not a nagging type of person, but if we dont get the tickets soon, the price is going to keep going up. He keeps talking about how expensive it is going to be and Im starting to get upset. If I had a job and my own paycheck I would buy the ticket today! Im so frustrated and upset that he's not willing to help me out. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I expecting too much from him? I told him that I dont have to get my nails done ($20 every other week). I just need some advice on how to handle this situation.
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by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 11:13 AM
Replies (21-30):
AlannaMaria
by Alanna on Aug. 30, 2012 at 12:45 PM
Is there any fitness gyms close to you that have child care? If you do you could apply in the childcare and that way you could bring your son to work with you and work mornings. A lot of moms do that at my gym. What is his reason why he doesn't want you working? I think that's kind of selfish of him. I feel the same way as you at times too. I would live to go out and make money just to make me feel better about myself. Thankfully DH has never once said anything to me about spending money. What if you got a job on his days off?
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SuperMom2433
by Gold Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 12:53 PM
We have one fitness center but Im not sure if they have a childcare center there too. I'll ask though. That's a great idea. Its not that he doesn't want me to work, he just doesn't like daycares. He has a hard time trusting what happens. I understand where he's coming from. Plus, we had a bad experience when our daughter was one and in daycare. He's so busy at his shop that his hours are all over the place and he doesn't know when he will have days off. That's what makes it difficult for me to work when he isn't.


Quoting AlannaMaria:

Is there any fitness gyms close to you that have child care? If you do you could apply in the childcare and that way you could bring your son to work with you and work mornings. A lot of moms do that at my gym. What is his reason why he doesn't want you working? I think that's kind of selfish of him. I feel the same way as you at times too. I would live to go out and make money just to make me feel better about myself. Thankfully DH has never once said anything to me about spending money. What if you got a job on his days off?

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AlannaMaria
by Alanna on Aug. 30, 2012 at 1:10 PM
I get the daycare thing. It's hard to find people you trust with you children. I would def lOok into the gym. That way your son is with you and you know he is safe, it gets you out of the house and social, you can meet other moms, and you little bit will have other kids to play with. Does you hubs have family there that would help out with you son so you could work part time? You could even get like a breakfast waitressing job and be done by noonish.

Quoting SuperMom2433:

We have one fitness center but Im not sure if they have a childcare center there too. I'll ask though. That's a great idea. Its not that he doesn't want me to work, he just doesn't like daycares. He has a hard time trusting what happens. I understand where he's coming from. Plus, we had a bad experience when our daughter was one and in daycare. He's so busy at his shop that his hours are all over the place and he doesn't know when he will have days off. That's what makes it difficult for me to work when he isn't.




Quoting AlannaMaria:

Is there any fitness gyms close to you that have child care? If you do you could apply in the childcare and that way you could bring your son to work with you and work mornings. A lot of moms do that at my gym. What is his reason why he doesn't want you working? I think that's kind of selfish of him. I feel the same way as you at times too. I would live to go out and make money just to make me feel better about myself. Thankfully DH has never once said anything to me about spending money. What if you got a job on his days off?

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 1:14 PM

 That's just not healthy.  At all.  You're a team, and he needs to understand that.

Quoting SuperMom2433:

Multiple times I have talked to him about budgeting our money but he has yet to sit down with me. He's not very good with money but hell would freeze over before he would let me be in charge of his paycheck.


Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 I definately think you should take your family's offer to visit.  You should not have to ask your husband for every little thing.  The money he makes is not strictly his.  It is your family's.  I would ask him to sit down with you and create a budget that you'll both be happy with.  Every week or two, make time to sit down and discuss that budget and how it's going. 


 

SuperMom2433
by Gold Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 1:14 PM
I would have a job by now if we had family here. Unfortunately everyone is at least 2.5 hrs away.


Quoting AlannaMaria:

I get the daycare thing. It's hard to find people you trust with you children. I would def lOok into the gym. That way your son is with you and you know he is safe, it gets you out of the house and social, you can meet other moms, and you little bit will have other kids to play with. Does you hubs have family there that would help out with you son so you could work part time? You could even get like a breakfast waitressing job and be done by noonish.



Quoting SuperMom2433:

We have one fitness center but Im not sure if they have a childcare center there too. I'll ask though. That's a great idea. Its not that he doesn't want me to work, he just doesn't like daycares. He has a hard time trusting what happens. I understand where he's coming from. Plus, we had a bad experience when our daughter was one and in daycare. He's so busy at his shop that his hours are all over the place and he doesn't know when he will have days off. That's what makes it difficult for me to work when he isn't.






Quoting AlannaMaria:

Is there any fitness gyms close to you that have child care? If you do you could apply in the childcare and that way you could bring your son to work with you and work mornings. A lot of moms do that at my gym. What is his reason why he doesn't want you working? I think that's kind of selfish of him. I feel the same way as you at times too. I would live to go out and make money just to make me feel better about myself. Thankfully DH has never once said anything to me about spending money. What if you got a job on his days off?


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SuperMom2433
by Gold Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 1:16 PM
Since we have been together for 9 years and this is how its been since we have been living together, its hard to change that in his mind. You get what Im saying? Its starting to get worse though.


Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 That's just not healthy.  At all.  You're a team, and he needs to understand that.


Quoting SuperMom2433:

Multiple times I have talked to him about budgeting our money but he has yet to sit down with me. He's not very good with money but hell would freeze over before he would let me be in charge of his paycheck.



Quoting OHgirlinCA:


 I definately think you should take your family's offer to visit.  You should not have to ask your husband for every little thing.  The money he makes is not strictly his.  It is your family's.  I would ask him to sit down with you and create a budget that you'll both be happy with.  Every week or two, make time to sit down and discuss that budget and how it's going. 



 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 1:19 PM

 I definately understand what you're saying, but things change and you have to change with it or else chaos ensues....  Would he be open to letting you take care of the bills and everything, as a way to "free" up his time to do other things?

Quoting SuperMom2433:

Since we have been together for 9 years and this is how its been since we have been living together, its hard to change that in his mind. You get what Im saying? Its starting to get worse though.


Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 That's just not healthy.  At all.  You're a team, and he needs to understand that.


Quoting SuperMom2433:

Multiple times I have talked to him about budgeting our money but he has yet to sit down with me. He's not very good with money but hell would freeze over before he would let me be in charge of his paycheck.



Quoting OHgirlinCA:


 I definately think you should take your family's offer to visit.  You should not have to ask your husband for every little thing.  The money he makes is not strictly his.  It is your family's.  I would ask him to sit down with you and create a budget that you'll both be happy with.  Every week or two, make time to sit down and discuss that budget and how it's going. 



 


 

AlannaMaria
by Alanna on Aug. 30, 2012 at 1:24 PM
I see. I know just how that is. We have zero family here. It makes things a challenge not having anyone. I wish I lived close to you girl. We do all kinds of stuff together!! We are basically in the same boat =\ I just keep telling myself it's not forever... It's hard though. I have my days where I just want to brake down and scream, cry, curse... I would still go to see your parents wether he goes or not. You need to our of the house and have a good time with your family and get a break from the kids. Would he ever consider moving closer to family? I know that's not even an option for us. I just didn't if maybe that would be an option for you guys.

Quoting SuperMom2433:

I would have a job by now if we had family here. Unfortunately everyone is at least 2.5 hrs away.




Quoting AlannaMaria:

I get the daycare thing. It's hard to find people you trust with you children. I would def lOok into the gym. That way your son is with you and you know he is safe, it gets you out of the house and social, you can meet other moms, and you little bit will have other kids to play with. Does you hubs have family there that would help out with you son so you could work part time? You could even get like a breakfast waitressing job and be done by noonish.





Quoting SuperMom2433:

We have one fitness center but Im not sure if they have a childcare center there too. I'll ask though. That's a great idea. Its not that he doesn't want me to work, he just doesn't like daycares. He has a hard time trusting what happens. I understand where he's coming from. Plus, we had a bad experience when our daughter was one and in daycare. He's so busy at his shop that his hours are all over the place and he doesn't know when he will have days off. That's what makes it difficult for me to work when he isn't.








Quoting AlannaMaria:

Is there any fitness gyms close to you that have child care? If you do you could apply in the childcare and that way you could bring your son to work with you and work mornings. A lot of moms do that at my gym. What is his reason why he doesn't want you working? I think that's kind of selfish of him. I feel the same way as you at times too. I would live to go out and make money just to make me feel better about myself. Thankfully DH has never once said anything to me about spending money. What if you got a job on his days off?


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
SuperMom2433
by Gold Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 1:25 PM
Highly doubt it. I could offer but Im afraid he would not be into that. He would most likely feel like Im taking his precious paycheck and doing as I please with it. One day he was in a pissy mood and made a comment how everyone is nice and has their hands out when he has money which is def not true. Im not that type of person. I think he said it out of anger because I let him know that comment was un called for and untrue. He felt bad but this is starting to get really old. I have talked to him and poured my feelings out to him about how I feel. How I feel like Im worthless in the financial aspect and how I am getting sick of hearing his complaining when he needs to buy groceries or pay the bills.


Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 I definately understand what you're saying, but things change and you have to change with it or else chaos ensues....  Would he be open to letting you take care of the bills and everything, as a way to "free" up his time to do other things?


Quoting SuperMom2433:

Since we have been together for 9 years and this is how its been since we have been living together, its hard to change that in his mind. You get what Im saying? Its starting to get worse though.



Quoting OHgirlinCA:


 That's just not healthy.  At all.  You're a team, and he needs to understand that.



Quoting SuperMom2433:

Multiple times I have talked to him about budgeting our money but he has yet to sit down with me. He's not very good with money but hell would freeze over before he would let me be in charge of his paycheck.




Quoting OHgirlinCA:



 I definately think you should take your family's offer to visit.  You should not have to ask your husband for every little thing.  The money he makes is not strictly his.  It is your family's.  I would ask him to sit down with you and create a budget that you'll both be happy with.  Every week or two, make time to sit down and discuss that budget and how it's going. 




 



 


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Kaybean
by Bronze Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 1:26 PM
How about getting just a little part time job a couple nights a week or on the weekends just for some spending money? Also, your DH drinks enough to spend $15 a DAY on beer? That doesn't sound good...
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