Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

SAHM and really starting to hate it!

Posted by   + Show Post
I love that I get to watch my children grow and dont miss a thing. My daughter is 7 and is in school but my son is 11 months. I live that Im here for everything. However, I HATE not having a job. I hate not having my own paycheck. I hate not being able to just spend money on things I want. Instead I have to go thru my hubby. Now, dont get me wrong, he takes care of us. He pays the bills and then some. He even goes as far as paying for me to get my nails done. Even though he takes care of these things, he's hard to ask for money. He complains, but still does it. He always talks about having to do everything by himself and he's tired of not having any money for himself. That isn't completely true. He buys himself beer every single night (at least $15 worth), his chew (3 cans a day), and lunch (roughly $10 a day). Anyhow, I guess Im just tired of having to go to him everytime I want/need something when I used to be able to just do it myself.
My mom and grandparents live in Kansas and Arkansas and have offered to pay for two of the three tickets we need to make a trip from here (Colorado) to Wichita in November for Thanksgiving. We have never in the 9 years we have been together been to visit my family. They have always come here. Well, I have brought up the trip a few times and its like I don't get a straight answer from him. Im not a nagging type of person, but if we dont get the tickets soon, the price is going to keep going up. He keeps talking about how expensive it is going to be and Im starting to get upset. If I had a job and my own paycheck I would buy the ticket today! Im so frustrated and upset that he's not willing to help me out. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I expecting too much from him? I told him that I dont have to get my nails done ($20 every other week). I just need some advice on how to handle this situation.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 11:13 AM
Replies (41-50):
MSmama_x3
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 1:49 PM
Exactly. Mine couldn't tell you what the balance is at any given time lol
I tell him the balance once bills are paid (or what it will be once they clear the bank).
It's just always been this way ... money was never a discussion, we have trusted one another with finances from the beginning.



Quoting MrsApple:

That's how we are.Hubby and I made the decision together for me to be a SAHM.We have a joint account so I don't have to ask for money.He knows that I don't and wouldn't spend it irresponsibly.


Quoting MSmama_x3:

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. My husband is pretty opposite. We agreed for me to stay home when our 4yr old was born, now we have a 3yr old and an 8mo. I'm taking on a fulltime load of classes from the community classes (pre reqs for Nursing). He never complains about paying all the bills;he feels as if it is how things should be until I get my nursing degree.

Even though we can afford it, I don't get my nails done, I DO have my hair done every 6weeks, I don't shop all the time unless we need something and he also buys beer after work and has a dip habit that costs roughly $60+ a week. He is at gas different gas stations all day for work (drives a gas tanker) and his spending really adds up...that gets to me sometimes because it's so wasteful when I can buy the things in bulk and save all the extra taxes on red bulls! I don't complain though. He works very hard, including out in the tornadic weather right now, to support his family. I believe if he can work 14-16 hrs a day 6 days a week, he can buy what he wants as long as we can afford it.

That being said, I don't think you should HAVE to ask for money. We we got married we became a team, nothing "his" or "mine"..it is ours!



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
SuperMom2433
by Gold Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 1:53 PM
We go together. He's horrible at grocery shopping! But if I try to put things in the cart he bitches. And he bitches about how expensive things are. How expensive it is to get groceries for a week. We hardly have any food except for dinner. But he has his chew and beer all the time. I dont have any winter clothes that fit me and with cold weather approaching us I don't know what Im going to do. Probably live in sweatpants. Another reason why I need my own money. He does give me cash but I hear a huge bitchfest when he hands it to me.


Quoting 081499:

Oy.  How do you guys deal with getting groceries and stuff now?  Do you go together?  Does he give you cash?


Quoting SuperMom2433:

I have thought about this so much! I won't mention it to him because I know what he's going to say and how he would feel about that. He would feel like I have my hands out and that I shouldn't get a portion of his check like that. :|





Quoting 081499:

I haven't read the other responces, so sorry if this has already been suggested...

I'm a SAHM.  DH and I set up a separate checking account for me.  A certain amount of money is put in there when he gets paid every two weeks.  I use it to pay for groceries and other personal/household needs and other misc. stuff (clothes, fun things, etc.)  It works great for us because I don't have to bother him for money every few days.  And if I end up needing more for some reason, I just let him know and he puts more in the account.

Maybe something like this would work for you guys?  





Posted on CafeMom Mobile
081499
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 2:00 PM

Wow.  I'm sorry.  I don't know what to say.  

DH gets annoyed that I 'spend so much' on groceries, too.  But then I take him with me and he sees the prices - shuts him right up!  :)  

Maybe it's time to look into getting a part time job, opposite shift of your DH.  Look into restaurants or retail stores...they will usually work with your schedule pretty well.  We did this for years (because we needed the money) and though it's not fun to miss out on evenings with the kids, it can work.  Even just getting 3 4 hour shifts a week can bring in enough extra cash for you and the kids.  Would you be able to do that?

Quoting SuperMom2433:

We go together. He's horrible at grocery shopping! But if I try to put things in the cart he bitches. And he bitches about how expensive things are. How expensive it is to get groceries for a week. We hardly have any food except for dinner. But he has his chew and beer all the time. I dont have any winter clothes that fit me and with cold weather approaching us I don't know what Im going to do. Probably live in sweatpants. Another reason why I need my own money. He does give me cash but I hear a huge bitchfest when he hands it to me.


Quoting 081499:

Oy.  How do you guys deal with getting groceries and stuff now?  Do you go together?  Does he give you cash?


Quoting SuperMom2433:

I have thought about this so much! I won't mention it to him because I know what he's going to say and how he would feel about that. He would feel like I have my hands out and that I shouldn't get a portion of his check like that. :|





Quoting 081499:

I haven't read the other responces, so sorry if this has already been suggested...

I'm a SAHM.  DH and I set up a separate checking account for me.  A certain amount of money is put in there when he gets paid every two weeks.  I use it to pay for groceries and other personal/household needs and other misc. stuff (clothes, fun things, etc.)  It works great for us because I don't have to bother him for money every few days.  And if I end up needing more for some reason, I just let him know and he puts more in the account.

Maybe something like this would work for you guys?  






SuperMom2433
by Gold Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 2:04 PM
A friend of mine mentioned a job as a server at her place of work. It would be from 3:30-10pm. If I can find someone to watch our son from 3-6 then hubby would just have to pick him up after work. With our daughter she could hang out with hubby from the time she gets out of school until he's done with work. The only thing is I would have to get her out of school early. They get out at 3:50 and I would have to get her out around 3:15.


Quoting 081499:

Wow.  I'm sorry.  I don't know what to say.  

DH gets annoyed that I 'spend so much' on groceries, too.  But then I take him with me and he sees the prices - shuts him right up!  :)  

Maybe it's time to look into getting a part time job, opposite shift of your DH.  Look into restaurants or retail stores...they will usually work with your schedule pretty well.  We did this for years (because we needed the money) and though it's not fun to miss out on evenings with the kids, it can work.  Even just getting 3 4 hour shifts a week can bring in enough extra cash for you and the kids.  Would you be able to do that?


Quoting SuperMom2433:

We go together. He's horrible at grocery shopping! But if I try to put things in the cart he bitches. And he bitches about how expensive things are. How expensive it is to get groceries for a week. We hardly have any food except for dinner. But he has his chew and beer all the time. I dont have any winter clothes that fit me and with cold weather approaching us I don't know what Im going to do. Probably live in sweatpants. Another reason why I need my own money. He does give me cash but I hear a huge bitchfest when he hands it to me.





Quoting 081499:

Oy.  How do you guys deal with getting groceries and stuff now?  Do you go together?  Does he give you cash?



Quoting SuperMom2433:

I have thought about this so much! I won't mention it to him because I know what he's going to say and how he would feel about that. He would feel like I have my hands out and that I shouldn't get a portion of his check like that. :|








Quoting 081499:

I haven't read the other responces, so sorry if this has already been suggested...

I'm a SAHM.  DH and I set up a separate checking account for me.  A certain amount of money is put in there when he gets paid every two weeks.  I use it to pay for groceries and other personal/household needs and other misc. stuff (clothes, fun things, etc.)  It works great for us because I don't have to bother him for money every few days.  And if I end up needing more for some reason, I just let him know and he puts more in the account.

Maybe something like this would work for you guys?  









Posted on CafeMom Mobile
081499
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 2:06 PM

I say if you can get it to work, do it.  :)

Quoting SuperMom2433:

A friend of mine mentioned a job as a server at her place of work. It would be from 3:30-10pm. If I can find someone to watch our son from 3-6 then hubby would just have to pick him up after work. With our daughter she could hang out with hubby from the time she gets out of school until he's done with work. The only thing is I would have to get her out of school early. They get out at 3:50 and I would have to get her out around 3:15.


Quoting 081499:

Wow.  I'm sorry.  I don't know what to say.  

DH gets annoyed that I 'spend so much' on groceries, too.  But then I take him with me and he sees the prices - shuts him right up!  :)  

Maybe it's time to look into getting a part time job, opposite shift of your DH.  Look into restaurants or retail stores...they will usually work with your schedule pretty well.  We did this for years (because we needed the money) and though it's not fun to miss out on evenings with the kids, it can work.  Even just getting 3 4 hour shifts a week can bring in enough extra cash for you and the kids.  Would you be able to do that?


Quoting SuperMom2433:

We go together. He's horrible at grocery shopping! But if I try to put things in the cart he bitches. And he bitches about how expensive things are. How expensive it is to get groceries for a week. We hardly have any food except for dinner. But he has his chew and beer all the time. I dont have any winter clothes that fit me and with cold weather approaching us I don't know what Im going to do. Probably live in sweatpants. Another reason why I need my own money. He does give me cash but I hear a huge bitchfest when he hands it to me.





Quoting 081499:

Oy.  How do you guys deal with getting groceries and stuff now?  Do you go together?  Does he give you cash?



Quoting SuperMom2433:

I have thought about this so much! I won't mention it to him because I know what he's going to say and how he would feel about that. He would feel like I have my hands out and that I shouldn't get a portion of his check like that. :|








Quoting 081499:

I haven't read the other responces, so sorry if this has already been suggested...

I'm a SAHM.  DH and I set up a separate checking account for me.  A certain amount of money is put in there when he gets paid every two weeks.  I use it to pay for groceries and other personal/household needs and other misc. stuff (clothes, fun things, etc.)  It works great for us because I don't have to bother him for money every few days.  And if I end up needing more for some reason, I just let him know and he puts more in the account.

Maybe something like this would work for you guys?  










clp0930
by on Aug. 31, 2012 at 7:14 AM

Get a part time job. Your kids will be fine, and seeing you unhappy all of the time is bad for them. Does your daughters school have a homework program or could she go with the person who would watch your son? I cannot wait to go back to the United States, have my baby, and get a job. My husband has been very sweet to me, I'm pregnant and even if I weren't I wouldn't legally be able to work here.

Also not to be evil, but doing some quick math based on 4 days per week and using a guesstimate on the price of chew (in case he skips a day), he spends approximately $350 per month on chew and liqour. It's a bad habit...I studied economics.

LOLA1966
by on Aug. 31, 2012 at 9:20 AM

Go get yourself a small part-time job. So you can have something that is your own.

Lorena
by Silver Member on Aug. 31, 2012 at 9:33 AM
Have you thought about working from home? That is what im going to be doing. I found a companey in the city. I have to go in for.training but they.will pay for everything I need at home. It is an option.
JosephineGirl
by on Aug. 31, 2012 at 11:35 AM

I've seen so many of my friends go through very similar situations. Honestly, do you really think it's just a money issue? It sounds like there may be a relationship imbalance that needs to be remedied ASAP. His money should be your money and vice-versa. Going back to work, while giving you extra spending money, is likely just to exacerbate the imbalance. You will likely still bear the bulk of the household responsibilities, while working, and will begin to feel resentment if you're not on the same "team" and he doesn't give equal value to your contributions. I've seen this so many times. Please, don't misunderstand me, I'm sure you're husband is a lovely man and a good provider--I just think you shouldn't put a band aid (in this case, going back to work) over the bigger issue. Perhaps a good marriage counselor may be helpful? 

Myruhbel
by on Aug. 31, 2012 at 7:53 PM
I feel exactly as you do!!! =[ it's tough not being able to buy the things I want to buy and now I have to go through him to ask for it. Sheesh, a sahm is the hardest job ever!! We have to multi task! My dh is hardly making enough to make ends meet as it is working or as a cook at a very popular eating joint but still...we are really struggling. :( he can't even get a raise because medi-cal will take away our benefits and no other insurance will accept us within our countless health problems. •sigh• well I feel ya on this you aren't alone. :/

jugglingMirabel

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)