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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

SAHM and really starting to hate it!

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I love that I get to watch my children grow and dont miss a thing. My daughter is 7 and is in school but my son is 11 months. I live that Im here for everything. However, I HATE not having a job. I hate not having my own paycheck. I hate not being able to just spend money on things I want. Instead I have to go thru my hubby. Now, dont get me wrong, he takes care of us. He pays the bills and then some. He even goes as far as paying for me to get my nails done. Even though he takes care of these things, he's hard to ask for money. He complains, but still does it. He always talks about having to do everything by himself and he's tired of not having any money for himself. That isn't completely true. He buys himself beer every single night (at least $15 worth), his chew (3 cans a day), and lunch (roughly $10 a day). Anyhow, I guess Im just tired of having to go to him everytime I want/need something when I used to be able to just do it myself.
My mom and grandparents live in Kansas and Arkansas and have offered to pay for two of the three tickets we need to make a trip from here (Colorado) to Wichita in November for Thanksgiving. We have never in the 9 years we have been together been to visit my family. They have always come here. Well, I have brought up the trip a few times and its like I don't get a straight answer from him. Im not a nagging type of person, but if we dont get the tickets soon, the price is going to keep going up. He keeps talking about how expensive it is going to be and Im starting to get upset. If I had a job and my own paycheck I would buy the ticket today! Im so frustrated and upset that he's not willing to help me out. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I expecting too much from him? I told him that I dont have to get my nails done ($20 every other week). I just need some advice on how to handle this situation.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 11:13 AM
Replies (61-66):
kaitybird
by on Sep. 1, 2012 at 4:36 PM

That is when you and your husband need to sit down and really talk.  :)  When you are married regardless of who actually works for the money it is suppose to be shared equally by both of you.  This is a marriage and raising a family.

I don't understand why so many people think that since they earn it is is theirs to do what they want with it.  NOT true.  A beer every day adds up his chew is it that important?  I know that it is a hard habit to break but really it can be done.

As for the bills you both should sit down and do them together and work out a plan TOGETHER.  As for your trip how far is the drive???  Why fly??  

My husband and I have been together for over 19 years and married for 18.  WE have always shared everything without question even before we were married.  He wants money I give it to him...I may gripe in between but I give it to him none the less.  

It is hard for me to understand why it has to be one or the other since my dh and I have NEVER been that way.  WE have always and I mean always just shared.  WE have had checking accounts together every since we started dating.  

Good luck to you and I really hope that you and your husband can find a solution to what is going on in your marriage.  Money is a big evil in so many marriages and the cause of so many fights and break ups.  

lipsis
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 5:29 PM

He's making snide comments about you putting a $6 pack of diapers in the cart?

Quoting SuperMom2433: I've been trying to find small things like that. I even looked into this thing that's kind of like Mary Kay but jewelry and hair accessories. However, I have to spend money to start that business. So that's a big no! I've tried offering babysitting but I have yet to get anything. I am starting to feel worthless in the income sense. Im so beyond tired of asking for everything. We went to the store last night and I grabbed a package of the cheapest diapers I could find ($6) and put them in the cart and he says, "I like how you just grab them without saying anything". I got heated and looked at him dead in the eye and said, "How else am I going to get them?". I mentioned that this is yet another reason why I need a job.
Quoting Marcey1023: Hey, I'm in the same type of financial boat.  I've always made my own money until now, our first born is 3 weeks old.  So now I don't work, and need to ask my husband for money when I need it, and he's not always compliant.  My thoughts are, I'd like to add up all of the money we save by me staying home with our son (gas, daycare, food (if you are breastfeeding, you don't go out for lunch, any money I would save on groceries by looking at sales, etc) and let him know that you work hard too.  You don't get to go to work every day, see other adults every day, go out for drink with friends (you could, but it takes a lot more planning).  He's the one with the freedom, you aren't.  You are the one taking care of the house and kids, he's not.  You deserve bi weekly manicures (or something that you enjoy), and you deserve to see your family with your little angels.  Your job is to take care of family, his job is bringning in the money.  You aren't stingy with him spending time with the kids, so why should he be stingy with the money?  If you were shopping online all the time and carelessly spending his money, then yes, I could see his point but it sounds like you are looking only for necessities with the occasional treat.

If you want to avoid the conversation - I know we aren't supposed to advertise other websites on cafe mom but I know there are websites that offer like, classifieds, of people needing work done around the house, or other temporary cash paid chores (yard work, ride to work, cleaning, deliver fliers, etc).  You could easily make your own money without worrying about a W2 or taxes every year.

As I am in the same boat as you, I am excited to hear other peoples' response to this post for new ideas :)

SpiritedDragon
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 5:43 PM

Okay, I completely understand you on that one.  I am also a SAHM of two kids in school full time.  So BIG HUGS MAMA!  I hope you start feeling better about things.  Maybe you can find something to do on the side to make a little extra $$ for yourself!  

rayroe2
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 5:48 PM

 so go get a job......if you cant afford to go see them you cant afford it.

Ask them to come to you, my parents already know that I wont go visit them they have to visit me because we don't travel like that they do.

Bknotnobody
by Bronze Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 5:49 PM
I tried for 10 months to be a sahm. I couldn't do it anymore. I told my husband what I wanted and we've made it work. Perhaps a part time job? I worked two days a week. Recently though, I got a full time job. I'm much happier. I have yet to start, but we have a sitter she comes to the house for 25$ a day. It's changing now though. I suggest getting a job anyways and finding a way to make it work. Sorry i can't let someone tell me what to do like that. Also go without him if ya want. It's okay to be without your spouse when they won't be decisive.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Metteba
by on Oct. 23, 2012 at 2:53 PM
Get yourself a JOB. That's all that needs to be said. I have to work because I'm a single Mom. I really dont think i could be at home all day with kids...would drive me insane.
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