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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Help my husband is an alcoholic

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Hi ladies. I don't post in here very often, but I need some advice with my husband. He has a really bad drinking problem and it's ruining our marriage. I will admit it's only Utah beer which is a lower alcohol content, but he can go through at least five 24 packs in 2 days on the weekend. He starts the moment he wakes up and is going at it until he goes to bed. On weekdays he will come home from work with a 12 pack and drink that in less than 2 hours.

He knows how much I hate it, and he has told me he will stop and then he gives me a guilt trip about how he can't stay completely sober, or else he will realize how crappy his life is... and that he quit smoking so I have to let him have at least something. He also tells me "well it's Utah beer and be happy it's not hard alcohol." Well if we have a bottle of something else, he will drink that in less than a day. I'm worried that he will get cirrhosis of the liver, I know of 2 people personally that died that way. One from 'just Utah beer' but he drank just like my husband.

Any ideas would be helpful. Thanks

 

by on Sep. 4, 2012 at 3:06 PM
Replies (21-27):
ivy801
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 9:47 AM

I agree with this person's advice but also think you should step out of the situation to let him know even if it is Utah beer(never knew till hubby pointed it out that we have the one of the highest alcohol concentrates, he grew up in Tulsa OK) is still causing problems in the family.Step out temporarily so he can hopefully see what he can loose if he doesn't get a handle on this before is to late. Giving up cigarettes is no excuse to start a new habit, wonder if something else is going on under the surface and if mine told me he had to drink to forget a crappy life I would be hurt. Your actually handling this better than me. I tend to freak out cause my mom's husband was an abusive alcoholic.

Quoting SareyF:

There's nothing you can do if he won't recognize that it's a problem and if he doesn't want to fix it. It's all on him. All you can do is decide how much you can handle and encourage him to get better. Don't enable him.
I'm sorry you're going through this.


NurseyC2
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:08 AM

You might not like what I have to say but I just went through this myself.  You might say... easier said than done but it's something that needs to be done.  I am a SAHM because I am disabled, so I receive "some" monthly income plus we live in  a 4 bedroom house just my husband, myself and 12 yr old DD.  It started effecting her because he would become verbally abusive, I will try and make a long story short so I knew this was going to be the hardest thing I have ever done but I told him to get out. I borrowed the money and became legally seperated, my DD and I  stayed in the house but he had to pay the mortage and other things.  I did not allow him to keep her overnight without another adult being with them. Plus a whole lot of other restrictions.  I had to stop and think of my daughter first, I couldn't imagine what would happen if I had to go to an ER room or my DD for an illness, I couldn't depend on him being sobor to drive us. I couldn't depend on him for a lot of things so I sure wasn't going to let my daughter see this, she was my first and basically my only concern.  He was gone for two years... it took him 1 year of having to pay our mortgage plus rent where he was staying plus not being able to really be a dad to our daughter to finally open his eyes so he started full force going for counciling plus AA meetings, After a year of this he moved back in and is still going to meetings and even though we are still working things out between ourselves we are slowly becoming a happy family again.   Sorry so long and good luck to you!

PS... about his excuses, nope, no excuses.. time to pull up his big boy pants and act like an adult.  I also had my DD in counseling and she still goes once a week and it is working out great.

veganistic
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:09 AM
Hugs! I hope you get lots of good advice.
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ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Nov. 14, 2012 at 11:12 AM

This

Quoting kmjmlj:

Ok so.he claims he drinks so he doesn't have to face how crappy his life is? Aren't you a part of his life? So he's really saying your part if the problem right? Bring that up see what he says.


ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Nov. 14, 2012 at 11:18 AM

Sounds to me like he is depressed. Even men with good lives get depressed. It could be anything, maybe he is having issues with getting older? Maybe he's gained weight and doesn't feel good about himself. Maybe he hates his easy job? Maybe he doesn't feel like a good husband/father? It's a vicious circle you know, they drink because they don't feel good about themselves, then they feel like a bad guy for drinking, which makes them drink more because they feel guilty, and so on and so forth. 

Quoting emace37:

Exactly. He really actually has a good life I think... He has a easy job, comes home, plays xbox. Doesn't take care of the kids, doesn't clean or make meals because I do all that. He's just very self centered and I think he is just trying to find reasons to make me sound like the jerk for even bringing it up.


Quoting kmjmlj:

Ok so.he claims he drinks so he doesn't have to face how crappy his life is? Aren't you a part of his life? So he's really saying your part if the problem right? Bring that up see what he says.


emace37
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 12:27 AM

 A few weeks after I wrote this, he got almost done with a 30 pack and got mad at my oldest boy because my DH tripped over my DS feet and he was all sorts of convinced he tripped him on purpose and hit him on the head with a plate. Well... I of course was not cool with that so we started fighting... He told me I had 2 weeks to get my things and be out, and maybe we should just get a divorce (which he is really quick to say whenever we fight when he's drinking.. even if he doesn't really mean it) and he would call the landlord in the morning to take my name off the lease. So I got some things for the night and he kinda freaked out. He said I could leave but I'm not taking the kids with me. When I objected he said to get the police over here then. I kinda laughed and said ok... so I can tell them how you hit my son? He let me leave with them after that... I went over to my parents house and stayed the night with them.... And then I know this will sound strange, but for the first time I realized there is a connection between his beer and his aggressiveness. Before I just kinda thought it was something I did wrong to make him mad. Well the next morning I came home, and he acted like nothing happened, and that I am the one with the problem. Not him. And that I'M the one who should be apologizing. Not him. So I started going to Alanon. He told me he would make a conscious effort to not drink so much on the weekdays... but that lasted a day. In fact it has gotten worse. Now I find empty vodka bottles under the sink that he tried to hide from me and he makes up reasons why they are in there... I'm really scared for our future because I kinda feel more like his roommate than his wife, and I blame that on his first priority... his beer. But I guess there is an up side to this... Right now he's drunk and he is telling his friend he's going to come over and buy some pot next time I'm out of town. Good to know!....

emace37
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 12:28 AM

 Sorry this one ^ was so long..

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