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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Opening each other's mail? Update

Posted by on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:10 PM
  • 189 Replies

So, this afternoon I checked the mail, and there was a bill from the hospital addressed to my husband. Hubby was at work, and I normally never open his mail, but I was just curious about the amount of the bill (I knew it was from the other day when he got some bloodwork done). Upon opening it, I saw that they enclosed a letter suggesting that our family apply for the reduced, or even free rate.

We don't have insurance and are very low-oncome (DH is a college student and only makes 10k a year at a pizza place), but our (almost) 1 year old son has medical assistance. I was THRILLED to see this paper, as I have been needing to see a Dr. about a couple things.

Anyway, DH gets home and sees the bill on the counter, the envelope opened, and he is very obviously irritated. He asks why I opened it, and I answer that I was just curious about the amount, but that they included a letter about applying for the hospital's low-income payment program. He gives me "the look", and says "Does this have your name on it?". I just kind of stare at him, and he asks me again, "Is -your- name on this bill?" So I answer, No, it's not, and he goes, "Don't open shit that's not yours."

I try talking to him again about the program, and he goes off on a long tirade about how he doesn't want to bother with the damn hospital or give them any more of his money, and how the hell does that have anything to do with his bill, and I am just calmly trying to explain that the program is free, and I would like to see a Dr.

Well, he just storms off to the basement and I stayed up here with DS, but I could hear DH slamming doors downstairs and just generally being dumb.

We've been married for 1 1/2 years, but together for almost 6 years. I stopped working a couple months before we got married and have been staying home with our son ever since he was born. DH is the sole provider, but he told me that the finances are shared and that I shouldn't feel like the money he brings home isn't mine too. Even though he says that, he still gets really weird about me looking at the bank account, or giving us a budget, or even suggesting cheaper things at the grocery store. For some reason, I thought "Hey, we're married, married people look at each other's bills because they share them!" but apparently DH does not feel this way, at all.

SO! This was very long-winded, but I wanted to ask you ladies on here, do you open each other's mail in your household? Or am I totally nuts-o for thinking that it's okay to do that. (To be clear, if it were a personal letter, I wouldn't have opened it.)

Update: I talked to DH this morning. He apologized for talking down to me, and admitted that he overreacted and took his frustration from the amount of the bill out on me for opening it. I told him I wouldn't open anymore of his mail without his permission first.

CafeMom Tickers
by on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:10 PM
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Replies (1-10):
nicole6870
by on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:14 PM
5 moms liked this
I open Dh's bills all the time. He couldn't care less. If he bothered opening mail, he'd open mine and I couldn't care less. If my DH asked if my name was on it I'd have said yeah and pointed to the last name. Lol. Then if he kept on I'd say well technically yes bc in old times I'd be referred to as Mrs. His first and last name. So yup. My name is on it.
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lwalker270
by Bronze Member on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:16 PM
5 moms liked this

We have no secrets in this house.  We're okay with opening each other's mail, we share an email account, cell phones are not password protected, etc.

Quatrekins
by on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:17 PM
1 mom liked this

That's really clever. Come to think of it, growing up, my dad was the sole provider, but my mom handled -all- the finances. They both opened the bills, but it was mostly her. Whereas my husband grew up seeing both of his parents working, but his dad handling all the bills and finances. I'm glad to hear I'm not crazy though.

Quoting nicole6870:

I open Dh's bills all the time. He couldn't care less. If he bothered opening mail, he'd open mine and I couldn't care less. If my DH asked if my name was on it I'd have said yeah and pointed to the last name. Lol. Then if he kept on I'd say well technically yes bc in old times I'd be referred to as Mrs. His first and last name. So yup. My name is on it.


Quatrekins
by on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:19 PM

I wish it was like that in this house. We've still got separate everything, and we don't look at the other's cell phone, either.

Quoting lwalker270:

We have no secrets in this house.  We're okay with opening each other's mail, we share an email account, cell phones are not password protected, etc.


sleepymommy87
by on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:27 PM
1 mom liked this
We share everything. And if I didn't open his mail it would sit on the counter in a pile until everything was overdue. Lol we have no secrets anyway, we have joint accounts on everything except one checking account he keeps open to buy birthday gifts, etc since he likes surprising me but it's impossible to do when I manage our bank accounts everyday lol
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kellysparkles
by Member on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:27 PM
1 mom liked this

We don't open each other's mail, but neither of us would have a problem if the other did.  He's opened things that are very obviously spam so that he can just shred it all at once, and I've done the same.

aimesnyc
by Amy on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:30 PM
4 moms liked this

They are *our* biils.  We open each other's mail all the time

Bradya
by on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:32 PM
No I dont open his mail
Quatrekins
by on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:33 PM

I'm so glad I'm not alone on this issue. DH has always been a very private person; I guess it's just hard for him to let go of the "solo" way of life.

ilovemykids732
by Bronze Member on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:33 PM
1 mom liked this

Who ever checks the mail can open it all, normally its my DH... I dont get anything in the mail that I would want to hide though... but DH doesnt care when I open his mail...

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