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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Opening each other's mail? Update

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So, this afternoon I checked the mail, and there was a bill from the hospital addressed to my husband. Hubby was at work, and I normally never open his mail, but I was just curious about the amount of the bill (I knew it was from the other day when he got some bloodwork done). Upon opening it, I saw that they enclosed a letter suggesting that our family apply for the reduced, or even free rate.

We don't have insurance and are very low-oncome (DH is a college student and only makes 10k a year at a pizza place), but our (almost) 1 year old son has medical assistance. I was THRILLED to see this paper, as I have been needing to see a Dr. about a couple things.

Anyway, DH gets home and sees the bill on the counter, the envelope opened, and he is very obviously irritated. He asks why I opened it, and I answer that I was just curious about the amount, but that they included a letter about applying for the hospital's low-income payment program. He gives me "the look", and says "Does this have your name on it?". I just kind of stare at him, and he asks me again, "Is -your- name on this bill?" So I answer, No, it's not, and he goes, "Don't open shit that's not yours."

I try talking to him again about the program, and he goes off on a long tirade about how he doesn't want to bother with the damn hospital or give them any more of his money, and how the hell does that have anything to do with his bill, and I am just calmly trying to explain that the program is free, and I would like to see a Dr.

Well, he just storms off to the basement and I stayed up here with DS, but I could hear DH slamming doors downstairs and just generally being dumb.

We've been married for 1 1/2 years, but together for almost 6 years. I stopped working a couple months before we got married and have been staying home with our son ever since he was born. DH is the sole provider, but he told me that the finances are shared and that I shouldn't feel like the money he brings home isn't mine too. Even though he says that, he still gets really weird about me looking at the bank account, or giving us a budget, or even suggesting cheaper things at the grocery store. For some reason, I thought "Hey, we're married, married people look at each other's bills because they share them!" but apparently DH does not feel this way, at all.

SO! This was very long-winded, but I wanted to ask you ladies on here, do you open each other's mail in your household? Or am I totally nuts-o for thinking that it's okay to do that. (To be clear, if it were a personal letter, I wouldn't have opened it.)

Update: I talked to DH this morning. He apologized for talking down to me, and admitted that he overreacted and took his frustration from the amount of the bill out on me for opening it. I told him I wouldn't open anymore of his mail without his permission first.

CafeMom Tickers
by on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:10 PM
Replies (91-100):
Quatrekins
by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 9:47 AM

Thank you,  hope so too.

Quoting raye-chan:

Lol! I how that conversation goes well later today :)
jacquih1126
by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 10:16 AM
1 mom liked this

My husband won't dare open my mail, but I wouldn't care if he did. I open ALL the mail that comes into this house....even my adult children's. (They know and don't care either)

cherylam
by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 10:20 AM

I was forbidden to open first hubbys mail...even after he lost his eyesight.  He would struggle with magnifying glasses to see it.  Second hubby?  Doesn't care, whoever gets the mail opens the envelopes.... mostly bills anyway.

Mrs.Ross2005
by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 10:28 AM
We open each others mail all the time and always have. We've been together for 9 1/2 years and married 7 years.
Sunshine257
by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 10:41 AM
There is just a lot on my husband's shoulders. Everything pretty much is his responsibility except food shopping and clothes shopping and things I can do myself. If there is a problem he is the one that has to call if there is something we don't know how to do or what to do he had to figure it out. I don't have permission to work will in about a week but he has to work. We are buying a house and he has had to do all that stuff. It is a lot of extra stress on him. So if a bill isn't paid or he forgets or he just doesn't get it done I don't say much. At least I found a website in English so all the remodeling projects for the house are my responsibility.
Anyway
My dad is OCD and it can be really difficult when around him. Everything is his way no exceptions and if you do something different all hell breaks loose.So I know a lot about it.

Quoting Quatrekins:

Oh wow, I would love to live in Sweden, but I wouldn't even be able to BEGIN to learn the language. I spent the first 8 years of my life living near an Army base in Bavaria, and I have been missing Europe ever since. :( And that is a little funny that your stuff has been shut off due to procrastination.

I attribute him being a control freak most of the time to his OCD. Having a baby is quite the challenge for him, and 99% (no exaggeration) of the childcare falls on me. He's changed 2 diapers and dressed him once (while we were in the hospital), never fed him or burped him, and monitered his nap once, when he was one month old, while I showered. However, he picks up diapers from the store for me. We live with his parents (they rent out the in-law suite to us) and my MIL and FIL are my major-helpers.


Quoting Sunshine257:

Ok OCD makes sense people with OCD get upset over weird things. I live in Sweden. My husband is Danish he is not very good at Swedish but because he can get the gist of it he is in charge of the bills. Which sucks I took care of all the bills when we lived in the states. He is a procrastinator. We have had our phones shut off twice lol not because we don't have the money. Anyway I have no clue how people can come here not know the language and set stuff up.



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OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on Sep. 16, 2012 at 10:45 AM
We oPen each other's mail. Most of it involves ultimately both of us. I don't open birthday cards and such though, and either does he. We set those aside for each other.
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shoot4thestars
by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 10:48 AM

I always open his bills because I am the one the writes the checks to pay them.  If I waited for him to open them they would never get paid.  I don't really get curious about anything else except the random CPS letters we get because someone called them on his ex about their son, but I always call him after I open them if he's not home.  That's becoming something of at least once a year or more.  He don't get much else.

Bl3ss3dMommi
by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 10:49 AM
I open anything that's in my box that belongs to my household this includes hubbys mail and my moms mail cause she lives with us. And obviously anything for the kids. I make sure all out bills are paid and taken care of and i throw out the junk that comes to mom and give her the important papers.
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tinysmom160
by Silver Member on Sep. 16, 2012 at 11:58 AM
1 mom liked this

Oh hell no you are being controlled get out and run as fast as you can. No man would ever yell me that bull shit. You better get a handle on this or get out. He is hiding something..............

mizkriz73
by Member on Sep. 16, 2012 at 12:00 PM
1 mom liked this

My hubby doesn't care. He opens mine also. We really don't hide anything from each other.


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