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I can't fight to keep you I'll let go

This is a letter to my husband of almost 4 years:
Hello, love-
We've had rough patches before but never this bad. I have fought hard to stay strong and weather any storms that come at us while you simply sat and watched me struggle to hold everything together. All your hateful comments cut me deeply, though I refused to believe it was really you saying them, I said it was the stress and depression so I let them roll off my back. When you said I could lose a few pounds, I lost 30 and am still going. When you said the house wasn't clean enough, I became anal about you leaving things out and not putting them away. When you were about to go to jail, I gave you my last 500 to keep you free. When I met your mother and realized you were the result of a childhood filled with neglect, I became determined not to give up on you no matter how hard you pushed. When I caught you lying, I forgave and told you to be a better man than your father was. And when your dad was terminally ill, I convinced you to make peace with him and let the pain go. When you refused to ever get up with your son in the morning, I just did it myself. When you spent hours playing video games instead of playing with your child, I made up the games for him to play with me. When you got fired from your job and became so depressed you wanted to leave, I showed you how selfish that was because your son and your wife love you even when you fail. I went back to work when you asked me to, let you stay home when you got fired again and again. I spent holidays with your psychotic family even though I wanted to see mine. I learned to sleep without you since you preferred to sleep with the dog on our couch. I had to come to terms with you looking at porn all the time and realize it was nothing to do with me. I let you do things to me sexually I hate to make you happy when I can't even get you to rub my feet. I felt a certain level of tolerance was needed to make this work, however when all the giving and taking become one sided, it's not marriage, it's servitude. I see how you check your phone constantly and act shady when you're on it if I'm in the room. You've become secretive and act like I'm crazy for asking about it. I have put up with too much too long. You tell me all the time YOU are tired of MY shit? There's nothing more I can do. So I'm letting you go. If you want me you have to earn my love again. I am worth more than the scraps you give to me in attention and affection. I am intelligent, but my compassion for you was my downfall and you ripped my self worth down to nothing. Well guess what? Kick rocks if I'm not worth it. I will find another man who can and will treat me with respect and dignity. You can look at skanks and hoes on your phone all you want but you'll never touch me again. I love you, but I love me too. Though I'll never let you see, the scars you left will take forever to heal.
Goodbye, my love,

Sorry it was so long guys. I had to get that out. Dh and I got into another fight last night and he threatened to leave me for the last time. If he wants to work it out great but if he wants to leave I will not stop him this time. I will never let him see me cry again.
by on Sep. 17, 2012 at 10:35 AM
Replies (41-50):
by on Sep. 18, 2012 at 5:36 AM

*Tears*...Heartbreaking...I am so sorry,but I'm glad you standing up for yourself and loving you.Its the best thing you can ever do for yourself,i know the pain you going through but just know that whatever happens there is nothing you cant get over,we women were given the strength to survive and hold on even when there is nothing to hold on to.

I'm very proud of you and i hope you find love again,you deserve so much more*Huggs*

by on Sep. 18, 2012 at 6:13 AM
Good for you!! Good luck with everything :)
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by on Sep. 18, 2012 at 8:25 AM
Congratulations on taking back your power. I'm going through the same thing. It's so hard when you love someone and it's been a progression of being treated badly that makes it so you can't stay. I was telling a friend if my husband had cheated on me or hit me I would have no problem standing up for myself so why is it so hard to do when it has been years of being treated badly? I hope you stay strong and find the right path.
by Michele on Sep. 18, 2012 at 8:30 AM

Sweetheart you are so much more beautiful then you are being given credit for.

by on Sep. 18, 2012 at 8:54 AM

Wow, I think this letter is amazing and you are right. You deserve better and you will find it. 

Stick to your guns on this one. Otherwise nothing will ever change. 

Good luck! I hope things work out for you. 

by on Sep. 18, 2012 at 8:59 AM


by on Sep. 18, 2012 at 9:05 AM
1 mom liked this
You teach people how you treat you, you have taught him that he can treat you like dog shit and you will put up with it. Now you have to teach him that you will NOT put up with this, or move on and teach the next one from the beginning... I bet that one will turn out better. It's not too late.
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by on Sep. 18, 2012 at 9:12 AM
1 mom liked this
The letter is great, but I don't know why your letting him decide what's going to happen to your life. He obviously is completely outta the marriage. He has told you many times that he is leaving. I don't know why your not kicking him out. Instead your leaving the door open for him. You deserve more than that, and need to move on with your life. Best of luck with everything.
by on Sep. 18, 2012 at 1:50 PM

Good for you! I'm so proud of you for doing this! I was recently in a relationship like this and it just ended the end of july! We deserve so much better than that! No woman should tolerate that kind of behavior, and never settle for less!

by on Sep. 18, 2012 at 2:23 PM

You are very brave!  You are so right! you deverve so much more. he has lost a beautiful person.

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