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People are quick to say "dump him".....do they just say that or would really do that?

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Did you ever notice whether on your own posts or someone elses that what seems to be one of the first responses people have for you is "dump him".  I sometimes think that people say that just to come off like a hard ass when in reality in their own lives they know that they wouldnt.  Am I off the beaten path here?

by on Sep. 20, 2012 at 8:49 AM
Replies (11-20):
Momof5kids84
by Lauren on Sep. 20, 2012 at 10:07 AM
1 mom liked this
I think that you a have a point. I only say to dump him whenever he is unwilling to change his behavior. I can say also that I was much more willing to put up with shit when I was younger. Now that I am older, I value myself a lot more. I realize my self worth, and I also realize that I don't have put up with unnecessary bs. There are a lot of men that would consider themselves lucky to have me. My DH has helped me to understand and grasp my self-worth.
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-mrs.mamma-
by on Sep. 20, 2012 at 10:13 AM
That is rarely ever my first advice. I only believe in divorce in extreme situations, and even then, only after there has been several attempts to help the marriage.
Happiness, I believe, is what you yourself make it.
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furbabymum
by Gold Member on Sep. 20, 2012 at 10:14 AM

 Honestly, when I say it I mean it and I would do it. I've forgiven my husband for a lot of bad behavior but only because he has gone out of his way to change and be a better man. When I see posts where the guy isn't doing anything to help the marriage, well I wouldn't stay. I'm not interested in a one sided marriage in which I get all the pain. But, I would do counseling and stuff if he was REALLY HONESTLY going to change. Only he can decide that.

mom-2-4boys
by Member on Sep. 20, 2012 at 10:20 AM

It really depends on the situation a person is in, there is no way to explain all aspects of someones life on here to give concrete advise. It all depends on peoples outlook and beliefs. Such as weather to leave a relationship or try to work it out, being with someone for over half your life seems to me to be worth giving everything you can to over come most anything. It would bother me to throw away my marriage without knowing I did everything in my power to make it work. Some feel that is dumb, others agree it is just a personal decision that must be made by the individuals involved.

furbabymum
by Gold Member on Sep. 20, 2012 at 10:31 AM

 When I was younger AND when I didn't have kids. Having kids changes everything. Things I would have excused before kids I'm not willing to now. I just think about the stability of the home and the influence of the father. If his influence was more bad than good I'd be gone. Some of the things I read about on here when older kids (who know what is going on) are involved just makes me really sad. I wouldn't allow it.

Quoting Momof5kids84:

I think that you a have a point. I only say to dump him whenever he is unwilling to change his behavior. I can say also that I was much more willing to put up with shit when I was younger. Now that I am older, I value myself a lot more. I realize my self worth, and I also realize that I don't have put up with unnecessary bs. There are a lot of men that would consider themselves lucky to have me. My DH has helped me to understand and grasp my self-worth.

 

kevinzwifey
by on Sep. 20, 2012 at 10:42 AM

Yeah I think Most women put that bc they are all like OH NO HE DIDNT,I Would Leave his ass..  But seriously ladies, would you really? if the situation was turned around, half the time NO.. Thats why I always to give real advice, Like Im not going to tell you to leave or stay but i will suggest what I think, Only way im saying Leave is if the situation is out of hand and it does seem be looking like it could get any better!

westtxmomtobe
by on Sep. 20, 2012 at 10:45 AM

i.really.like.the.last.sentence!im.sitting.here.hurt.and.angry.alone.and.totally.overwhelmed.

Dh.and.i.are

fighting.the.last.thing.i.want.to.do.is.make.an.all.caps.rage.post.about.how.awful.

he.is.cause.hes.not

.awful

just.does.really.stupid.stuff.at.times.and.can.be.selfish..

.but.we're.human.and.everyone.screws.up.thats

.the.

beauty.of.humanity

.i.will.confess.though.it.does.make.me.feel.bettr.to.get.all.the.ugly.out

Quoting Iconoclast:

I think that it is said a lot but most posts on here are one sided and a large part of the reason for the issue/vent is he woman who wrote the post and the little time taken in the partner she choose. Funny thing is, most don't want to here that they carry some fault in their relationship. They want to shine a light on their spouse, vent, and have everyone agree that the man is an ass. Would most who suggest leaving as the optimum solution actually do it? Maybe,if they knew the whole story but for the same reason, maybe not. Should a woman leave a man that she can so easily cut down to strangers, definitely.


nicalina
by on Sep. 20, 2012 at 11:53 AM
1 mom liked this
Everybody says they would dump him, until they are in that situation themselves. And noone ever believes it will happen to them until it does...
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Momof5kids84
by Lauren on Sep. 20, 2012 at 11:55 AM
Yes, exactly. My kids come first. I see so many women, my SIL in particular, that are willing to accept and put up with so much stuff just to keep Daddy or a man around. I'm not bashing men. I love good men and good women. I'm also not referring to stuff like he won't pick up after himself, or he goes out with his buddies too often. Those and situations like those aren't divorcable offenses to me. They can be solved. I'm talking about abuse...mental, physical, and emotional. The kind where the kids are scared to come out of their rooms. This how my SIL is. She has two kids 14 and 11. She was so scared of her husband because he's bipolar drunk with a huge God-complex that refuses treatment and medication, that she locked herself in her bathroom to get away from him. I was like, where were the kids when you did this? She refuses to leave because she thinks she loves him and she loves their lifestyle (they make a crapload of money).

I couldn't do that to my children. No man is worth putting my children at risk.
Quoting furbabymum:

 When I was younger AND when I didn't have kids. Having kids changes everything. Things I would have excused before kids I'm not willing to now. I just think about the stability of the home and the influence of the father. If his influence was more bad than good I'd be gone. Some of the things I read about on here when older kids (who know what is going on) are involved just makes me really sad. I wouldn't allow it.


Quoting Momof5kids84:

I think that you a have a point. I only say to dump him whenever he is unwilling to change his behavior. I can say also that I was much more willing to put up with shit when I was younger. Now that I am older, I value myself a lot more. I realize my self worth, and I also realize that I don't have put up with unnecessary bs. There are a lot of men that would consider themselves lucky to have me. My DH has helped me to understand and grasp my self-worth.

 

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furbabymum
by Gold Member on Sep. 20, 2012 at 12:04 PM

 So sad. I could never allow that to happen to my kids. I like knowing my husband would never allow that either. I couldn't stay with an alcoholic, a druggie, a man who spent us into the poor house, a serial cheater, an abuser. Those just aren't things I'd be willing to get over for the sake of my own selfish "love". My kids deserve better and damnit so do I!

Quoting Momof5kids84:

Yes, exactly. My kids come first. I see so many women, my SIL in particular, that are willing to accept and put up with so much stuff just to keep Daddy or a man around. I'm not bashing men. I love good men and good women. I'm also not referring to stuff like he won't pick up after himself, or he goes out with his buddies too often. Those and situations like those aren't divorcable offenses to me. They can be solved. I'm talking about abuse...mental, physical, and emotional. The kind where the kids are scared to come out of their rooms. This how my SIL is. She has two kids 14 and 11. She was so scared of her husband because he's bipolar drunk with a huge God-complex that refuses treatment and medication, that she locked herself in her bathroom to get away from him. I was like, where were the kids when you did this? She refuses to leave because she thinks she loves him and she loves their lifestyle (they make a crapload of money).

I couldn't do that to my children. No man is worth putting my children at risk.
Quoting furbabymum:

 When I was younger AND when I didn't have kids. Having kids changes everything. Things I would have excused before kids I'm not willing to now. I just think about the stability of the home and the influence of the father. If his influence was more bad than good I'd be gone. Some of the things I read about on here when older kids (who know what is going on) are involved just makes me really sad. I wouldn't allow it.


Quoting Momof5kids84:

I think that you a have a point. I only say to dump him whenever he is unwilling to change his behavior. I can say also that I was much more willing to put up with shit when I was younger. Now that I am older, I value myself a lot more. I realize my self worth, and I also realize that I don't have put up with unnecessary bs. There are a lot of men that would consider themselves lucky to have me. My DH has helped me to understand and grasp my self-worth.

 

 

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