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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

People are quick to say "dump him".....do they just say that or would really do that?

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Did you ever notice whether on your own posts or someone elses that what seems to be one of the first responses people have for you is "dump him".  I sometimes think that people say that just to come off like a hard ass when in reality in their own lives they know that they wouldnt.  Am I off the beaten path here?

by on Sep. 20, 2012 at 8:49 AM
Replies (21-30):
Sunshine257
by Bronze Member on Sep. 20, 2012 at 12:07 PM
The only time I suggest that is if it is an abusive relationship. I seriously doubt if the shoe was on their own foot they would leave.
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Momof5kids84
by Lauren on Sep. 20, 2012 at 12:11 PM
1 mom liked this
Yep, and I live everyday knowing that, although we may not have a huge house, a boat, a travel trailer, two four-wheelers, etc., I have a husband that truly love me and values our life together. He is a great husband and father.

Quoting furbabymum:

 So sad. I could never allow that to happen to my kids. I like knowing my husband would never allow that either. I couldn't stay with an alcoholic, a druggie, a man who spent us into the poor house, a serial cheater, an abuser. Those just aren't things I'd be willing to get over for the sake of my own selfish "love". My kids deserve better and damnit so do I!


Quoting Momof5kids84:

Yes, exactly. My kids come first. I see so many women, my SIL in particular, that are willing to accept and put up with so much stuff just to keep Daddy or a man around. I'm not bashing men. I love good men and good women. I'm also not referring to stuff like he won't pick up after himself, or he goes out with his buddies too often. Those and situations like those aren't divorcable offenses to me. They can be solved. I'm talking about abuse...mental, physical, and emotional. The kind where the kids are scared to come out of their rooms. This how my SIL is. She has two kids 14 and 11. She was so scared of her husband because he's bipolar drunk with a huge God-complex that refuses treatment and medication, that she locked herself in her bathroom to get away from him. I was like, where were the kids when you did this? She refuses to leave because she thinks she loves him and she loves their lifestyle (they make a crapload of money).

I couldn't do that to my children. No man is worth putting my children at risk.

Quoting furbabymum:


 When I was younger AND when I didn't have kids. Having kids changes everything. Things I would have excused before kids I'm not willing to now. I just think about the stability of the home and the influence of the father. If his influence was more bad than good I'd be gone. Some of the things I read about on here when older kids (who know what is going on) are involved just makes me really sad. I wouldn't allow it.



Quoting Momof5kids84:

I think that you a have a point. I only say to dump him whenever he is unwilling to change his behavior. I can say also that I was much more willing to put up with shit when I was younger. Now that I am older, I value myself a lot more. I realize my self worth, and I also realize that I don't have put up with unnecessary bs. There are a lot of men that would consider themselves lucky to have me. My DH has helped me to understand and grasp my self-worth.


 


 

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Fairywings1223
by on Sep. 20, 2012 at 12:14 PM

I think that a lot of people say just dump him because its easier to give up then work on things. In some cases it is better to just break up though.

mom1T2Ldh
by on Sep. 20, 2012 at 12:23 PM

  I think its alot easier for some people to say do something but reality is its harder to do what is told to you to do even though you think they  are right .

Iconoclast
by Bronze Member on Sep. 20, 2012 at 1:06 PM
Quoting westtxmomtobe:




I don't think that there is anything wrong with venting. I think that there has to be a bit of thought put into the idea of releasing emotions and information to strangers, KWIM? It is natural to butt heads in a relationship, to get angry at the person you give much to physically, mentally, emotionally. The problem I see is that the venting only puts out one side of the situation and the person explaining has a bias. The person, in their aggravated venting state, doesn't take into account how they are making their spouse look to others. And on top of that, depending on the issue at hand, a large part of the problem is the person venting inability to take those same gripes (so easy to explain to a stranger) to their SO. With that taken Into account why wouldn't a stranger suggest leaving the pain, prick, jackass that they purport to be the cause of their pain behind? (not speaking to you specifically, just generally). All info points to that solution and the decision to follow doesn't affect them. ((shrugs)). I don't see it ass someone pretending to be a hardass, maybe they think they are helping by being supportive but do I think that their response would be leaving if the subject was their relationship? Not at all.
Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Sep. 20, 2012 at 1:37 PM

 It is easy for someone to say want they would or would not do. If they are not in the situation

NDADanceMom
by on Sep. 20, 2012 at 1:48 PM
1 mom liked this

I say dump him if it starts out with, "this guy i have been seeing for a few weeks...."  if they are married with kids I suggest therapy. 

OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on Sep. 20, 2012 at 1:49 PM

 It depends on the situation. 

KyrinM
by on Sep. 20, 2012 at 3:58 PM

I think that yes, saying dump him immediately is a bit too quick.  It really depends on what is really going on.  So many things can influence what you do about something like this.  I would sit him down, tell him your fears & concerns.  It will hurt him to know you don't trust him, but he needs to know how you are feeling & why.  Perhaps he really did experiment with the condom to masterbate, then when you asked was so embarrassed he didn't know how to handle it.  You have to admit it is pretty embarrassing to admit to your partner you were masterbating in the first place, much less using the condoms for it so that your partner notices & embarrasses you to death asking about it.  I would tend to want to drop the subject asap too.  LOL!  However, there is an underlying problem here, what has he ever done in the past to make you not trust him?  Perhaps you need to address that, if he has ever made you question him before, then you really need to talk about that particular event, let him know it is still affecting you & that you are going to need his patience & understanding to help you get past it & trust in him again.  This is the hard road.  My DH has done things in the past that seriously rocked my trust in him, he has fought long & hard to rebuild it & now he has it, but it wasn't easy & every time he typed to someone for a very long time I would stiffen & ask who it was.  He patiently simply tells me & let's me see who he is talking to & about what when I do, but I no longer really ask anymore, except to ask who it is so I can have him tell them hi.  If he has broken your trust in the past, you can't just forget it, it doesn't work that way & I imagine he would want it to, but no.  He has to accept his responsibility for losing your trust & fight to regain it.  If he is not willing to do that, then this relationship will ultimately fail, you just can't have a relationship if you don't have trust.  Good luck!

CDMelty
by Bronze Member on Sep. 20, 2012 at 4:52 PM

My bff loves to do that. "If I were you I'd change the locks", or "If I were you I'd start shopping for a lawyer", and then she'll say "I wouldn't do that to my husband, but I'd do it to yours. But then, MY husband wouldn't do (whatever the other guy did) so I wouldn't have to." I just laugh.

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